A Film So Bad It's Obscene

Rating: 4/10 (28 March 2002)

TITANIC is actually two films. The first film is a very unlikely love story so syrupy it can cause diabetes. Then it suddenly mutates into a James Bond film where - wait for this - Bond is played by Kate Winslet. Maybe this isn't entirely accurate because James is total fantasy , but never becomes as unbelievable as this. Oh and at least in a Bond film the Brits are the good guys unlike here where they are invaribly cruel , stupid and/or cowardly. Also at no point in a Bond film does a script change the laws of physics where it's possible for someone to escape from the undercurrants of a ship weighing thousands of tons. Oh and the special effects are better in Bond films , TITANIC's are not entirely convincing.
But the most fantastic thing about TITANIC isn't the fact it made so much money at the box office ( This is explained by 14 year old girls lining up at the cinema to watch Leonardo for the 25th time ) but the fact this film won 11 ( Yes Eleven.You read that right ) Oscars, equalling the total held by BEN HUR. What the hell were the Academy thinking ? I know they didn't give any awards for the quality of the acting or even nominated the screenplay for an Oscar ( They got that right . Boy did they get that right ) but for it to win 11 Oscars including Best Picture ( Didn't any of the voters watch LA CONFIDENTIAL ? ) really upset me because films like GONE WITH THE WIND , etc didn't get that many