good god...

Rating: 2/10 (8 November 2002)

Warning!!!! Spoilers!!!! To an extent, though this movie sucks so I'm doing you a favor.
Titanic puts the 'retard' in 'retarded.' Easily one of the top 5 worst movies of all time. Anyone who cried at the end of this film should immediately try and start beef with LW, better known as twin glocks. Tasting the cold steel through your medula would be a much better option than continuing with your pathetic existence. This movie was not funny at all, the lead female was morbidly obese and the hero was the homeless vagrant from Growing Pains, I assume Alan Thicke was too busy hosting episodes of Pictionary to be available for the movie. Anyway, how this trite piece of garbage made money is beyond me. The whole movie was pointless so I'll just cut to the end, the only remotely funny part. The kid from Growing Pains is freezing his nuts off in the water while his fat beast girlfriend is floating on some wooden raft all warm and comfy. There is easily enough room for the two of them, however, she refuses to let him on. I bet that kid never saw this coming when he was living in that Janitor's closet on Growing Pains before the Seavers took him in. Anyway, the Growing Pains guy eventually dies, however, instead of floating on the surface like all the other corpses in the water, the Growing Pains hobo for some reason sinks to the bottom. While all this is happening the fat girl is crying, I don't know why. She clearly could have saved him by just moving over a few inches and sharing a bit of the raft. Perhaps she just misplaced her twinkies. Anyway she struggles to blow some whistle then some British guy saves her, the end, this movie was atrocious.