Your heart will go on. We get it. Stop cluttering my screen!

Rating: 1/10 (21 September 2007)

This movie is *pitiful.* It is *abominable*. In terms of dung heaps, it is second only to "Superman Returns." That's not a very honorable position.
Why do I hate "Titanic," you may be wondering? Here's a list. 1) Leonardo di Caprio's performance as the lovable but down-on-his-luck guy could have been played better and more realistically by Paris Hilton. 2) Kate Winslet's fake American accent is the least of the woes left by her whiny, I'm-a-poor-widdle-rich-girl turn. 3) James Cameron should automatically be disqualified as the director of any real historical tragedy, because he makes us care more about the prettiness of the ship than the victims. 4) Where James Horner's music fails to nauseate (he was really off his game here), you always have the classic fallback: Celine Dion's mess of a theme song.
Those are the top four reasons-- I could write a 52-page essay on why this movie is so horrid, but IMDb doesn't provide reviewers with that kind of space, so I'll condense it a wee bit.
If you want to watch a disaster, this film is perfect... and I'm referring to the debacle of the film, not the Titanic incident.