The Heart of the Ocean

Rating: Null/10 (17 February 2010)

"Titanic" is the story of Brock Lovett and Lewis Bodine, who are searching for a very rare and valuable diamond called "The Heart of the Ocean". They are contacted by a Lizzy Calvert, whose grandmother, Rose Dewitt Bukater, claims to know where the diamond is. Brock flies her in, and sets down to listen to her tell where the diamond is. Lewis is skeptical because the records indicate that her last name is Dawson, and there is no record of a Mr. Dawson. Rose meets with the collectors searching for the diamond and begins a long tale. She makes them agree to sit through her story before giving up the diamond. She is old. I mean old. She explains that she was once engaged to a wealthy industrialist named Cal Hockley, who had a slippery henchman named Mr. Lovejoy. She wasn't in love with him, but her mother, Ruth, insisted the marriage happen to protect their social status and help them avoid financial ruin. Rose feels completely cornered, and without options. She attempts to kill herself, but is talked out of it by a young man named Jack. Jack is a traveling artist who gets by on his own wit. He has no money, but seems to get by somehow. He informs Cal, Ruth, and Mr. Lovejoy that he saved Rose's life. He wants to hang out with them all, mainly because he wants to sleep with Rose. They're pleasant at first, inviting him to dinner, then paying him to go away. Eventually they decide they're going to have to kill him.
Brock is stunned. This story is going on and on, and has nothing to do with the diamond. Rose continues. Cal gives her the diamond. Brock sits up, hoping this story is going to go somewhere. Jack will not give up on Rose. He stalks her and eventually she gives in, and they hook up. He tells her he is the king of the world. Brock interrupts to ask if this is the part where she tells them where the diamond is. She says no, and trudges ahead with the story. Jack does a nude sketch drawing of her and they have sex in the back of a car. Rose points out to Brock that cars had just been invented. Brock could use a stiff drink at this point. Rose mentions that Cal slips the diamond in Jack's coat to frame him for theft. Brock sits up and asks where the coat is. Rose says they chained Jack to a pipe to die. Lewis has heard enough of this story and leaves. Rose uses an ax to free Jack. He dies of exposure when the huge ship they're on sinks in the Atlantic. She claims his last name which is....Dawson.
Brock is stunned. He shakes his head in disbelief. Rose asks Lizzy for help getting to bed, and she just leaves to take a nap. Brock can't believe he went to all that trouble to get the runaround. He heard a 90 year old woman talk dirty for three hours, and didn't get any closer to finding the diamond. He takes Lizzy aside and tells her how much the diamond meant to him, and how disappointed he is for not getting it. You can tell he's trying not to tell Lizzy what he really thinks about her grandmother and her stupid darn story. Meanwhile Rose gets up, aimlessly walks out to the deck of the ship they're on, and randomly tosses the diamond into the water for no reason. It was in the pocket of her bathrobe the whole time. She chuckles at this. I love this woman. Then she randomly wanders back to bed, lays down, and dies.
This film swept the 1997 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Visual Effects.