Crass In The Extreme

Rating: 3/10 (12 December 2008)

First; let me say that the recreation of the RMS Titanic as a computer- generated entity is extremely well realised. If ever we needed proof that CGI can add an extra dimension to established technique and 'effects' when it's done with meticulous precision - here it is.
But what about story? The Titanic contained over 1,500 human stories. Most of them were to end in terror on that fatal, freezing night.
However, Mr Cameron decided that non of these were worth spit. They would serve simply as a desperate backdrop for two imaginary characters who might just as easily have been computer-generated themselves, so artificial, clichéd and crass were their presentation.
Star-crossed young lovers projected against conflicting circumstances of the larger world have been a staple in human drama for as long as we have kept records. Perhaps the most famous example is Shakespeare's 'Romeo & Juliet'.
What have we got here? Disaffected society girl meets, and finds redemption, in gallant working-class hero. Pass me the vomitarium, someone. She already has a beau; and he's as knavish as can be. In an early silent movie you can see him with a big bristly moustache and cruel leer, tying his victim to a railroad track. He's not going to be put down by a working-class oik. He'll resort to murder, if needs be. Cameron turns this Mack Sennett cliché on its head by casting the heroine as saviour. We see her wading waist-deep in the icy Atlantic waters without flinching from the cold (just you try it!), in earnest search for her manacled hero. Love isn't just blind - it's numb.
But - hey; wait a minute! this is a romantic story from the old school. We can't let emancipation stand in the way of a damp hankie. The hero's got to do what a hero's got to do. Isn't that what males are bred for, after all? I mean; equality in pay is one thing, but equality in death? I don't think so. Oh-no; the male is always the more expendable. So, in the end we see him slowly freezing to death in the ocean whilst the heroine survives on a piece of flotsam. His duty done, his grip is relinquished, and he slips down to eternity. Whilst she gets to live another day and find a more durable schmuck. You can see that same scenario at the end of equally laughable 'Starship Troopers 2'. Yep; the hat's that old.
And she might have to move pretty damn quick too. That passionate little dalliance in the coach could well have put a bun in the oven. It wouldn't do to have a child out of wedlock in 1912.
Romance in the face of disaster became quite a fashion at this time, with other movies like 'Pearl Habour' playing much the same card. As I say; young romantic tragedy is a long-standing cultural staple in human story-telling. It just isn't usually so extremely crass and predictable as 'Titanic'.
Tissues out or vomitarium at the ready, depending upon your gullibility quotient.