This is a hit? (spoiler - if you are blind and deaf)

Rating: 4/10 (3 March 2000)

After rave reviews and incredible marketing I still could've cared less to see this film. Then a friend brought it over to watch. So I did. It was just what I expected. The big wigs pumped this balloon full of hot air. The basic storyline reminds me of Shakespeare's classic "Romeo and Juliet" - a story of two incredibly stupid and starry-eyed kids which could only end in disaster. Unfortunately it isn't as well written. Money, timing and power fed this puppy through the mainstream American gut. However I couldn't stomach the silly writing and over-the-top special effects. And then there's always the question of why they gave it a PG13 rating with the slow camera paneling across the naked female anatomy. The character's backgrounds seem highly contrived (a gambler who just happened to win a ticket to sail across the ocean and a young well-to-do girl trapped in engagement for money?) Then there's the matter of the "suicide" meeting where Jack tries to talk her out of jumping ship with tactics which would impress even Freud . . . if such tactics would ever actually work. Well Rose and Jack make a lovely couple of crazy kids with their wild days of drinking below decks, standing on tiptoes, nude art sessions and making out in the backseat of a car - honestly, who put this stuff in a script? I didn't know whether to laugh or walk away and find better use of my afternoon. As if this weren't enough bull to swallow, they add the whole search for the jewel. Then, at the end, the old Rose drops it in the water. She could have done that years before. Was it some obvious imagery that totally missed me or did anyone else think she was whacked? Now we come to the best part - "special" effects. And this cookie was loaded with them. The water slosh was great. But seeing the ship sink was a big disappointment. Rather than using a tasteful display of the ocean liner in the murky black of night, Titanic brightens up the entire ocean better than the stadium lighting. In fact it's brilliant enough for us to see the passengers fall like ping-pongs off the deck. I think they should've used less CG wizardry and more brain power to sink the boat. Not all of Titanic was bad though. In fact I loved it when Billy Zane's character slaps the silly girl around - it was one of his best performances. And during my favorite scene Rose drops Jack into the drink - the blue monochromatic coloring and the music are perfect. [sigh] And then Rose is rescued. What a disappointment. We could have saved the jewel if she hadn't lived so long. What a twist - I really thought the jewel would be recovered as the climax, or was the sinking ship supposed to be at the bottom of all of this? Did this movie have some real purpose? because I missed it.