Icebergs aren't the only disaster in this Blockbuster piece of Cinematic Crap

Rating: 1/10 (19 August 2006)

When I was around 5, Titanic came out and my parents had seen it in theaters and hated it. I, however found a big love for the movie, my friends played Titanic on the playground, my friend owned the video and I eventually saw it, well half of it since I wasn't ready for the distress and peril. As I grew, I learned how cheesy, formulaic and just plain god awful this movie was.
To start off, I think that the scenery, costumes and sets are magnificent, and some of the characters give life in their roles (The man who played the Captain, Victor Garber and Kathy Bates) the rest, however are just irritating and trying too hard to make their performance stand out. And they do, just not in a good way. Kate Winslet is just a snobby girl who obviously is misunderstood and wishes her mother would listen to her, Leonardo Dicaprio is just a vile, poor boy who seems an awful lot like a rude and bratty version of Tramp(Who is from a rich girl meets poor boy story that works, "Lady and the Tramp.") Billy Zane plays Rose's Fiancé, Cal and uses an accent that mocks the British as do most of the other supporting actors. Plus, Cal is convinced that the ship is unsinkable, as is everyone, except Rose who is "educated" (apparently knowing who Freud is makes her a smart scholar.) But she's a girl! Why listen to her?! This Ship is Unsinakble! It is she who notices that they're aren't enough lifeboats, but is reassured once again by another man that the ship can't and won't sink. Enoguh on that, let us talk about the main plot.
Titanic was a ship that was to sail from Ireland to New York, we all know that. But, it seems that the Director, James Cameron (Who is usually a good director and who redeemed himself with Ghosts of the Abyss.) does not know anything but that small fact, and that many Irish people were in third class. The many wonderful stories about the ship, not that the death of many people is a good thing, but that the tales survivors have passed down about their voyage on the Titanic. If James contacted the few still alive or read a book, he would maybe make this film get two stars for researching the stories of the ships passengers. Anyway, Rose is on the ship with her mother and fiancé, but she is not happy. Jack is a poor boy who wins tickets to the Titanic in a game of poker and lives his life to its fullest. They meat while suicidal Rose is about to jump and Jack won't let her. If this were the real world, any chance that these two would meet, or that she would even come near the third class deck would be very slim. So long story short, he saves her from falling. While doing so, the police hear screams coming from her and when they arrive, it appears that he is raping her. They arrest Jack, but Rose says that he saved her and he goes scotch free. Then, their bond begins.
Already, within the first forty five minutes am I bored, waiting for the ship to sink and not center around these two bratty kids who never even existed, but the story makes them as big as the ship itself. So these two become friends and Jack teaches Rose how to live a little, which means he gets her to hock spit and dance at a drunken third class party and escape the upper prestigious class. Soon Rose begins to realize, Do I even love Cal? Is Jack the one for me? He understands her and she understands him, unfortunately her mother disapproves of their romance because he's poor and she's engaged. Rose then tries to end her romance with Jack, but like every other romance movie she goes with the man she just met and apparently the choice was right. They stand on the edge of the ship and "fly," he draws her nude only wearing her necklace Cal gave to her as an engagement present. If you have been living in a cave or hopefully haven't heard of Titanic, these scenes are none as its most memorable, as is their sex scene in the back of a car. Luckily, the iceberg hits and all hell breaks loose. After Cal insisting it won't sink it does! And nobody listen to Rose! Cal wants her, but she says, "I'd rather be a whore then your wife." Soon enough, Jack and Rose are together in the water all cold and near death, but they can still churn out cinematic waste. While watching it, I found their love being broken not as important as the many people dying right next to them. And before you know it, Jack dies. It would be pretty obvious because when a disaster occurs, one of the lovers is bound to die. Eventually, selfish Rose is rescued and calls herself Rose Dawson, which makes me laugh. She knows him for two days and then considers their little unimportant romance like marriage, Please. The end is when the diamond the explorers are searching for isn't found, Rose has it, she dumps it over the edge and then meets Jack in heaven. There, I saved you three hours of your life.
Adding on to the boring love story, the music sounds like Enya half the time and the rest like music you hear in a Nordstrom's store at the mall(the theme is sung by sea wench Celene Dion another disaster for the film). The script sounds like a dreary English paper using vocabulary words I learned in seventh grade. At least it is when the two lovebirds aren't screaming "Jack! Jack!" or "Rose!!" The star goes to scenery, and it stays that way.