Downright amazingly bad

Rating: 3/10 (22 June 2007)

(THIS *&%$#! COMMENT MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.)
(Or it may not.
At least it may spoil your appetite for this film.)
I have to give James Cameron credit for a sort of devious ingenuity: He created a movie so repulsively bad that a reasonably sophisticated viewer would find it unbearable to sit through. Hence, so many glowing reviews.
I watched it, once. But it keeps popping up on TV. And even for free it is not worth watching. Five minutes these days is my absolute limit. Each time I stumble across it, this movie just seems to get worse and worse.
The acting is so bad I'm surprised Cameron didn't just make this into a sort of Disney cartoon. Disney's Buena Vista does this sort of simplistic bubble gum movie better, such as White Fang; Ethan Hawke as Jack Conroy was more credible than DiCaprio as Dawson. And the aerial computer graphics look way too much like cartoon animation.
As to historical accuracy, give me a break!!! I can't say this is any worse than the other nonsense to come out of Hollywood, though. Frankly, anyone who takes any so-called non-fiction or historical movies as more than 1 percent accurate is a fool.
Hey, I am willing to suspend a certain amount of disbelief for a good movie, but this one demands way too much. They pull a drawing that has been sitting on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean for 80 years that is in excellent condition and hold it up as proof of why it was worth hundreds of millions of dollars to find the Titanic.
And what is this precious work of art? A Rembrandt? A DaVinci? A Van Gogh, at least? No, it is an amateurish pornographic sketch. Excuse me? Maybe some 21st century girl would pose naked at the drop of a hat, but a proper girl in the 1910s?
Hey, if you believe this nonsense, then the rest of the movie will seem comparatively plausible, and I can see how you might find this movie "historically accurate."
I don't mind if you enjoyed this movie; that's what movies are for. Tastes vary. Some people prefer emotional manipulation that is more subtle. I would hope you Titanic fans would explore cinema a little more, and not insist that this is the greatest movie ever made, perfect, etc. What's with all these superlatives? Does Cameron have a claque?
Look, before you say Titanic is the best movie EVER, (which implies you have seen every movie every made) at least go see Gone With the Wind. I dare you. Then see if you can even mention Titanic in the same breath.
And I think potential viewers should be forewarned that not everybody is going to like this movie. That's what reviews are for.
Spoiler ahead: OK, the ship was named "Titanic" and it sank. That much they got right. Well, sort of: it was the RMS Titanic, not the SS Titanic.
If you want to learn the true story, try going to the BBC page "Titanic: Sinking the Myths," by Paul Louden-Brown.