Movie's Like a Short Paul Bunyan

Rating: 2/10 (29 January 2019)

Just re-watched Fargo yesterday night, and this movie, 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, somehow popped in my thoughts before going to sleep. I saw this movie 14 months ago, but suddenly remembered the movie's similarities to the masterpiece I just re-watched: Frances McDormand as the lead; taking place in a small American town; crime/comedy type movie; and, well I guess the similarities end there. 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri was a massive disappointment, so much so that it still manages to haunt me after all these months. That's why I decided to write this long-overdue review, like cleaning out the dark, dusty corner of my shed.
It's been 14 months, so I forgot some details about this movie, and, I will not re-watch it for the sake of this amateur review. (Who in 2019 has the time to re-watch a bad movie?) Aside from that, I also didn't see parts of the movie because I couldn't take it and had to leave mid-way. In other words-I'm about to review a movie that I saw 14 months ago and left halfway. However I will assure you that this movie had a lasting impression on me. A lasting impression that's characteristic of mediocre movies which had no match against their predecessors, and that were praised nonetheless (the last of this series for me was Interstellar). These movies anger me in several degrees. During the last 14 months, I have seen a couple of people, including a screenwriter, who said good things about this movie and now I don't trust their taste.
The plot driving element of 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri was, well, the three billboards, which I heard was inspired by an actual encounter by the director when he was driving around the southern states. Ultimately this element doesn't really work to drive the plot-it's just there. I remember there was a minor reveal about a quarter into the movie, where the 3rd billboard is finally open to the audience, and it had something predictable written on it. The reveal fell flat and felt unnecessary. Why didn't they just show it in the beginning, and let it pass, like they did with the Paul Bunyan statue in Fargo? The Paul Bunyan statue worked so well not just because of its bizarre imagery, but because it is a subtle yet faithful symbol of the whole story. 3 Billboards slaps this blunt symbol across the viewers' face, and the characters keep talking about it as if they're rubbing it into our conscience so not to forget.
All characters were one-dimensional, lacked emotion, and did not feel real. An overused sentence in film criticism for sure, but it applies 100% to this movie. I couldn't contain my laughter when Woody Harrelson was narrating his character's suicide note, because it was bad, real bad, yet impressive how they managed to get such a wooden performance from a well-known distinguished actor. Why did the dude kill himself anyway? I remember the reasoning behind it was not convincing as well, but I would rather not waste my time remembering petty details of this movie.
It's obvious that this movie was aiming for "Fargo with a modern touch." By modern touch, the director wanted to incorporate things that were hot in 2017 like diversity and feminism, which I guess Fargo lacks in that context. But, does incorporating ideologies like diversity and feminism make a film better? Does it heighten the experience? I don't think so. Shakespeare wasn't remembered for his ideologies; he was remembered for writing timeless stories that continues to be read over generations. If Fargo is Shakespeare, then 3 Billboards is a dime novel.
3 Billboards is a mediocre movie that covers itself in unnecessary abstractions that seasoned film-goers will see right through. If you think this movie was any good, you haven't seen good movies. Watch any of the Coen brothers' movie for a start. Watch Fargo if you want to see my point I wrote here. And that's it for this sloppy review.
Edit: Just noticed that this movie is rated higher than Fargo. How??? It boggles my mind. Internet ratings is a farce.