This movie is absolute garbage.

Rating: 2/10 (16 November 2013)

Let me start off by saying I had fairly high expectations for this film, not only being a fan of the first film but of Thor as a comic book characters. To be nice, these expectations were not met. To be realistic, this is easily the worst of the Marvel movies. This is my first review so sorry if I jump around a lot with what I say. Let's begin with the characters. Thor was.. okay. He said nor did anything noteworthy really. He didn't grow that much as a character, and simply felt boring. Natalie Portman was horribly boring to watch, and in some scenes her character was written as an idiot. That seems to be a common problem with the movie. Jane Foster? An idiot. Eric Selvig, an originally intelligent character that had some serious, good talks with Thor? Running around naked because the Tesseract made him go insane... or something. It wasn't very clear. Speaking of, if he went insane because of the Tesseract, why was Hawkeye completely okay after a bonk on the head? Darcy? The most annoying girl on the planet. She was meant for comedy but came of as GRATING to listen to and watch. Odin was a douche who didn't know how to rule properly. Malekith was just... boring. The makers had so much to work with, considering in the comics what a clever sorcerer he is, as well as a deranged homicidal madman. In this movie his motivations are unclear and his only character trait was he likes to frown at things with his puffy looking face. Character wise the only saving graces were Idris Elba as Heimdall and Tom Hiddleston as Loki, which did not matter much considering how little they were in the movie. Which is strange because Loki is in the trailer so much, but has MAYBE 20 minutes of screen time. The special effects in this movie were just ugly. Every monster looked fake and many of the scenes looked like they were pulled out of a last gen video game. the set design was okay, but not once did I feel immersed. Everything felt like a flimsy set. It was just an ugly movie to look at. The plot was just all over the place, with cuts to different scenes happening frequently. Many scenes were completely useless could have been cut altogether. Literally the only good scene was when Loki and Thor trick Malekith. Also, considering it was never explained how Loki was able to survive a stab wound, switch places with a guard, then switch places with Odin becoming the new leader of Asgard, the ending makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The dialogue was just... horrendous. There were multiple points where myself and the people I've seen the movie with just laughed at the ridiculousness of what was being said. Speaking of, the movie was farrrrrr too funny. Don't get me wrong, I like comedic relief in these Marvel movies, it works for the established universe but GOD they literally play every scene for comedy it seems. Even the final world ending battle with Malekith was played for comedy. For Christ's sake, THOR RODE TO THE BATTLE IN A SUBWAY CAR. There's a gag where him and Malekith are sliding on the side of a building with office people looking outside blankly, completely meant for comedy.. IN THE FINAL, WORLD ENDING BATTLE. Avengers, Thor, Iron Man 1,2 Captain America, all these movies had the common sense to put the comedy in scenes where it was necessary. Hell, even Iron Man 3, the most comedic movie behind this one had the common sense to say "This is the final battle. Let's make this badass". Another problem with the final battle itself is that it has no 'WOW' moments. There's no real climax, everything is just bleh. OH and Malekith is squished by his spaceship. That's something. Oh and why the hell do Asgardians and Dark Elves have so many technological based things?! They have star ships, turrets, laser cannons, ray guns, etc. There's nothing here that feels like magic, which is what Thor should be about. And the Aether. The main point of the movie. The weapon to spread darkness throughout the universe essentially ushering an era of rule under Malekith. I couldn't tell you a damn thing about this thing other that it spread... darkness. whatever that means. The concepts that this movie is trying to give are incredibly under explained. Where did the Aether come from? Not explained. How did Jane end up actually finding it? Not sure. What's the Convergence? It's when the 9 realms line up so Malekith can... spread... darkness?.. How powerful is it? I have no idea. Apparently universe shattering, but Thor doesn't have much trouble fighting an Aether powered Malekith. It's actually kind of sad how easily he was dispatched. There is little fun to be had in this movie. It's just stupid. I didn't care about a single character besides Loki, who was actually somewhat developed and easily stole the show when he was on screen. This movie is absolute garbage and has ruined Thor cinematically for me. I truly hope Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Guardians of the Galaxy are good or I truly worry for the Avenegers 2.
Please save your money. Don't see this movie. Don't tell the studios that this Transformers 2 level garbage is okay to put out, that these characters are okay to ruin. In the end, I give this movie a 2 out of 10, because Idris Elba was good, Loki was fantastic, and it had a single scene in the movie where it gave me a glimmer of hope that it would be redeemed. I'm sure I have far more to address but I'm trying really hard to forget this film and reread the latest Thor comic epic, Gorr the God Butcher. If you want to see some good Thor, read that rather than watching this. Please.