I am convinced that I would rather cut off my own leg and eat it with some faba beans than spend another second in Asgard.

Rating: 7/10 (6 December 2017)

Gosh, I hate that stupid shiny pipe organ. Anyhow, the comedy is the best part of this film. It l is the funniest Marvel film. Lots of great gags if you ask me. The other thing I thought they did pretty well was the Hulk. A lot more Hulk than we have ever seen in a long time. The story, however, is very lacking. I would have cut out the whole part on earth. The Doctor Strange cameo was super tacked on and unasked for. Didn't need that and what they do with Odin makes no sense. The third act is a CGI crap fest and very dumb. Screw Asgard! This movie as also another great example of Marvel completely wasting Idris Elda's time. I thought the second act of the film on the garbage Jeff Goldblum planet was the best. It was a lot more like Guardians of the Galaxy and it kinda worked. The problem is when they left and went back to the very Thorish land of Asgard that it lost my interest again. The characters are lacking for the most part. Cate Blanchett hasn't been this bad since Crystal Skull and her character has about as much depth as a piece of tinfoil. She enjoys walking around giving unwanted Asgardian history lessons and throwing spikes at people. Joining her is Karl Urban's character, who is the most uninspired evil sidekick since the other two coyotes from The Lion King (Whoopi was great). His ark is legitimately more predictable than the earth's rotation. We get a new hero in Tessa Thompson who's I thought was called Valkyrie until they said that she was a Valkyrie so I looked at the credits and it said her name is Valkyrie so I am really confused. Anyway, her ark goes from unhelpful, self-centered slave trader to heroically saving everybody for no reason. Returning in a desperate effort to be relevant is Thor's forgettable Asgard squad – minus the lady one. No idea where she is. Anyway, they die in like fifteen seconds, which is probably the same amount of time they took to write them in the first place. Last but not least is Jeff Goldblum as Jeff Goldblum so no complaints there. In the end, I really just wish that Taika Waititi had written this film as well as directed it. Taika Waititi's last three films are hilarious, have great characters and have emotionally relevant stories. This movie lacks a lot of what makes Taika Waititi's films so great. I feel like all we really get is his humor.