THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY

Rating: 8/10 (23 June 2019)

Natalie Portman starts out the film as an astrophysicist in the New Mexico desert. There appears to be some kind of UFO crash, as apparently aliens have the ability to fly all over the planet without crashing, except New Mexico. The movie then flashes back to 985 AD in a heavily CG background as Asgard, led by Odin, aka Anthony Hopkins, is fighting the frost giants, who look like blue skinned versions of Freddie Kruger. They end up with a truce. During the coronation ceremony of Thor, a frost giant enters the realm of Asgard and disrupts the ceremony (why this was done at the time was a mystery). Thor in his passion leads a group of warriors to the planet of the frost giants to teach them a lesson. The simple touch of a frost giant freezes the skin like liquid nitrogen. This was great in 2D, I can only imagine what the CG graphics was like in 3D.
Odin is upset with Thor and takes his hammer and powers. He banishes Thor who speeds to earth only to crash into Natalie Portman and company in the desert (beginning scene). A bad hammer pun and a taser later, Thor is on his way to medical. The hammer lands elsewhere in the desert and is lodged like the Sword in the Stone. A group of yokels gather to have a cook out and attempt to remove said hammer. . . until the FEDS show up.
The film moves back and forth between events on earth and in Asgard, as Loki has assumed the throne of his ailing father. In order to convince the audience this is the real Thor, he speaks a Middle Earth style of English, making over frequent use of the word "realm." It works well as it allows him to flirt with Natalie Portman, who he thinks is the most clever person on the planet. (Isn't this one of the seven signs?) Perhaps the movie's biggest fault is that is attempts to link mythology, science fiction and science fact is such a way a 9 year old might buy it.
Like good trekkies, Thor's friends come to earth to rescue him, because the needs of the one out weigh the needs of the many. They show up and are as conspicuous as Vikings in a credit card commercial. Memorable line: Stop! You are using unregistered weapons technology!"
For me the story wasn't light enough. There were a few comic lines attempted to break up the seriousness of the film, but it needed more of them. I was hoping for something along the lines of Iron Man 1. Perhaps the worst I have seen Ms. Portman in a while was her parsed OMG line. Other than that one bad line, she was great.
No sex, no nudity, no f-bombs. Safe for the kiddies. They should love it.