Shoulda Coulda Woulda but wasn't.

Rating: 4/10 (10 May 2011)

Warning: There are a few spoilers in my review.
The movie went by too quickly for the epic origin to be properly told. I think that they properly displayed Thor's arrogance and punishment in the beginning of the movie but that should have been followed up with a more in depth telling of his time on earth and his newly formed relationship with Natalie Portman. There was barely even a love connection between the two within the movie. In the comic (yea, I hate that I have to be 'that guy') Thor's whole reason for staying on earth was his love interest. They could have at least made that seem believable. Sadly, it was more of a couple of girls drooling over how chiseled Thor was. Woopty doo, a "sexy" homeless guy.
The "epic" fight scenes weren't even epic. Apparently, a giant robot who's only ability is to fire a super loud laser in one direction is epic enough right? Surely, a loud blast following a Michael bay sized explosion will seem epic ya? To give credit where credit is due, the fight scene with Thor and his super pals laying' the smack down on the frost giants was pretty cool. Aside from that however, there was nothing else. Even hawk eye had a pointless role. "i'ma stand here and point a bow at Thor without firing. My cameo is more than enough." I was more disappointed than entertained but it had it's moments. Mainly the ones I recalled from Conan O'Brien's show. I'm Thooooooorrrr! ha ha. That definitely brought a good laugh at the theater. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that that's not what the writers/directors/producers wanted for Thor. A comedy.
Loki was actually done quite well. I was pleased with his performance but I can't help but think that the majority of the actors/actresses in the movie didn't put their all into their roles. Even Anthony Hopkins (am I right that he was the one playing Odin?) was asleep for the majority of the movie. "You mean....you mean...you'll pay me a million dollars to sleep on screen!? OF COURSE I'LL DO IT!" They even put Kat Dennings and all of Thor's posse in for comedic relief in some parts. That's not what the movie needed. Now, I seem to remember Thor's father Odin casting him out of Asgard because he needed to learn a lesson. When he gets to earth he just acts like an arrogant retard. He can't pick up the hammer until he is "worthy". First of all, nobody knows what the heck worthy is to Odin so right there they're being way to vague. It helped them out in the long run however because when Thor goes to fight Loki's giant loud robot (I swear they got Michael Bay in this one for a little bit) lays Thor out and he "dies". How does dying make you worthy to wield a hammer and be king of Asgard? I'm pretty sure they skipped something there guys. Like...oh yea, why his dying was significant! Nope, he just dies. Nothing more nothing less. "It's OK Natalie Portman, i'm Thor, son of Odin. I can take on this robot thing no problem." *Thor get's dead* *Natalie Portman holds a dying Thor in her arms* "I was...sorely mistaken. bleh* It's like the writers weren't even trying. The actors even. I mean, each actor is good in their own respects. Except Kat Dennings because some how Michael Cera rubbed his crappy acting skills off on her. It's as if the actors read the script and said "really? this is what you came up with? seriously? I don't even read comics and I know this is wrong..." "we'll pay you each a million" "Deal!" Movies these days are all visual. It's all about the oohs and aaahs. Sure, they can make Asgard pretty and majestic but without a proper storyline (which the movie lacked even though the storyline was already written for Christ's sake!) the movie is nothing. All they had to do was say "look. Thor isn't just a super hero. He's a god. Thor has been around forever. The guys who wrote him into the Marvel Universe even had the decency to stick to the mythology. All we have to do is a little research and make this movie what it's supposed to be. Epic. No cutting corners. If the movie needs to be long then so be it. If it costs more than all of the other Marvel movies, so be it. If we do this right, we will do more than profit. Seems like a win win." Nope. In my personal opinion, they messed Thor up royally. Again, I hate to be "that guy" but why couldn't they just make it more serious about it and make it good like The Dark Knight was? There's a quality that all of these people making super hero movies should strive to achieve. There's no dignity in film anymore. And if there is then you don't see it because it's buried with all of the other B movies. So, here's my suggestion to you.
If you're into flashy lights, Chippendales, Natalie Portman (gotta love that chick), sleepy old dudes, and black guys with swords then this is for you. If you want a storyline, sick fight scenes (plural) and an emotional connection to the characters then look elsewhere.