This movie cannot be enjoyed if you have a brain.

Rating: 4/10 (13 February 2018)

When I sat down to watch this movie, I was prepared to enjoy it. I like superhero movies, and I heard a lot of good reviews. I don't agree with any of the critics I listened to before watching.
The beginning is actually ok. The visual effects are good and the action is partially decent (at least at the beginning). The only reason I enjoyed this movie was because I was laughing so hard. Not at any "jokes" though. I was laughing more at this movie's incompetence. If you are one of the surprisingly numerous people who enjoyed this nonsense, I'd appreciate it if you actually read my points on why this movie is terrible.
-The romance takes place over the course of about a day, and during most of that time Thor and Natalie Portman are nowhere near each other. Like, she runs him over with his car, they have a few brief conversations, then all of a sudden Thor is crying over the possibility of never seeing her again. It feels stupid and rushed.
-Thor doesn't really do anything to deserve the hammer. Like the stupid love story, this character arc (I was told it was supposed to be one) feels incredibly rushed. What they could've done instead of what they did is have Thor live on Earth for at least a month. They could've shown Thor learning how to live among humans, slowly realize the errors of his ways, and come to regret what he did. Loki's attack could've something that took a while to do and by the time he got around to it Thor could've been ready to defend humans because he actually cared for the species. There could still be the big dumb boring action scene at the end, but at least him getting back the hammer would be deserved. I'm not saying that this would be perfect, but it would be a hell of a lot better then what they went with.
-There's a lot of continuity errors. The shots themselves are good, but when they come one after another - not so much. It kinda takes you out of the movie when it goes from broad daylight to night to sunset and back to day over the span of a few sentences.
-Nothing makes any sense because nothing is ever explained. Powers/abilities aren't explained. None of the technology is explained (and by technology I mean the alien stuff not human technology - though there is some stuff with Natalie's cellphone that makes little sense but that has more to do with how stupid the characters are). Fight scenes have little tension and aren't fun not only because the characters are unrelatable and the fights themselves are poorly choreographed, but because you don't know what the characters can DO.
-The pacing is weird and a very simple plot is made difficult to follow through a very bizarre narrative.
-All the government officials are stupid. I get that the doctors were stupid as a joke (I think it was supposed to be a joke) but SHEILD is supposed to be a group of elite government officials. Why is everyone working for them dumber than a sack of bricks?
-There are so many plot holes concerning Loki that it makes my head hurt. Just try to think about his plan, and when various pieces of information are revealed to him. IT MAKES NO SENSE.
-Thor's friends are all stupid (literally) and underdeveloped. All the characters are underdeveloped, but Thor's friends are practically caricatures. They're annoying and they shouldn't affect the plot as much as they do. Also, ALL the characters are stupid. Everything in this movie is incredibly dumbed down to the point where nothing makes any sense.
I don't know a lot about how this movie was made, but everything feels very rushed. This movie could've been decent with an extra half hour of run time, better actors, and an editor who understands editing. The only people who seemed to know what they were doing were the camera people and whoever was in costumes/makeup/effects.