Movie Star Masturbation

Rating: 1/10 (8 July 2013)

*May Contain Spoilers*
I am not a twenty something stoner, let me say that right off. However, I do not need to be stoned to find something funny. I love to laugh and I seek out comedy, and thus, I am open to all types of comedy. I want to laugh. I was hoping This Is The End would make me laugh. It did. Twice. Once when the lady in the convenience store said something off screen no less. And again when Jonah Hill reenacts Rosemary's Baby. That's one laugh per hour. That's not good. Here we have what I guess we could call The Brat Pack for the 2000's: "The Frat Pack", let's call them. They partake in yet another "romp" wherein they imbibe drugs and call one another effing dix. They all ready did this in medieval drag. It wasn't very funny then. Now, in apocalyptic drag, it's simply abysmal. We're asked to find the Pack playing themselves hilarious in and of itself. One would think self-satire would ensue. It doesn't. Self congratulation certainly does though. Not only in the tone of the film but literally in the dialog as each "celebrity" attempts to justify their aww shucks, I'm just good folks down to Earth movie star. Well, if these movie celebrities were such good folks, they wouldn't have foisted this dreck on their fans and movie audiences in general in the first place. You can seriously tell that these guys think gracing the world with their "comedy" is to do the world a favor. It's a kind of arrogance that's so delusional and masturbational that it devolves into actual ten minute conversations about the actors masturbation styles. It really would not have surprised me if the actors unveiled their genitals for the cameras and masturbated into the lens. This is not hyperbole: they would have thought it hilarious. It's a toss up as to who comes off the worst in this. It's as though the Pack is competing to see who can be the least charming and most obnoxious. Danny McBride certainly claims this prize. Is he supposed to be today's surly but lovable philistine, a la John Belushi? Probably. John Belushi, however, was funny. Embarrassing cameo? Let's give that one to Channing Tatum. As for what unfolds story-wise we have a premise and nothing else. No creative thought is put into it. The film bogs down for the better part of two hours on one set: five assholes in search of a movie. It reeks of rip-off, this monster improv session with rapidly diminishing returns. Brackish looking, shrill, dark, heavy handed zero fun. Sitting there wondering what the budget went to...paychecks for the Frat Pack, Payola for the movie critics maybe and the rest for marketing. This truly was the Apocalypse.