Simply unpleasant to watch

Rating: 2/10 (5 October 1998)

I know I'm a freak. Everybody else loved this movie, but I detested it.
I simply found it unpleasant to watch. I'm not opposed to physical comedy -- I thought "The Naked Gun" was hysterical. I'm not even opposed to comedy in bad taste -- I thought "Eating Raul" was terrific.
No, this film just had few redeeming characteristics.
All the characters in this film, with the exception of Mary herself, are hateful, deceitful, pathetic monsters. I don't care about them other than mildly hoping they'll get what they want so that at least the movie will END. But no, sixteen hours later, they're still flailing about. At least it *felt* like sixteen hours. It might have been more.
This is just an unpleasant film. It's gross and aesthetically vile. How long can one person sit and watch enormous zits and sperm in a woman's hair and fishhooks getting caught in a man's mouth? Is this what passes for humor these days?
Apparently so, because everybody but me thought it was hysterical.
I have two ways of rating a film. One is "the watch-meter", which is simply this: how many times did I look at my watch during the movie? In this case, I lost count.
The other is a simple yes or no question: given the choice between sitting in this theater and watching this movie for two hours, or sitting in this theater and staring at a blank movie screen for two hours, which would I choose?
In this case, "Something About Mary" won out ... but *just barely*. I cautiously recommend seeing this movie over staring at a blank screen for two hours. Ask me tomorrow, and I might not give the same recommendation.
In summary: yuck.