Franks and Beans

Rating: 10/10 (2 May 2020)

I laughed my head off, and this is the funniest comedy I have ever seen. "There's Something About Mary" at its core is an exercise in being politically incorrect and skates a fine line on bad taste but with a direction as opposed to being outrageous for no reason. Cameron Diaz is a peach as the loveable Mary, but it's the rest of the idiots trying to get to her that drive the plot. Okay, all but one idiot. He's just a love-struck dummy.
It's about Ted Stroehman (Ben Stiller), who is bedazzled by a loveable girl, Mary (Cameron Diaz), in high school. After an unfortunate accident happens and he can't take Mary to the prom, years go by, and he still yearns for her. Wondering if he can reignite the spark they briefly had, he hires a private investigator, Pat Healey (Matt Dillion), to track her down. Ted quickly realizes that everyone who sets their sights on the dazzling Mary falls head over heels for her. With a slew of idiots after her, Ted tries to rekindle his romance with Mary and win her heart.
Cameron Diaz lights up the screen in what I believe will be her signature role as she brings the heart and charm to the movie. Mary is a beauty with a sunny smile, and she lights up the dreams of geeky Ted in high school when he rescues her retarded brother, Warren (W. Earl Brown) from being attacked by a jerk off that Ted's idiot friends set up and she asks him to go to the prom. Mary is not the typical blondie dummy who always chooses the jacked-up jock with an arrogant attitude, and that's what makes her smart and loveable. Ted goes to pick her up, and it leads to the film's wildest scene involving a zipper. Aside from a close-up, I won't spoil it, but the scene with have you howling with laughter, and it leads to a funny moment with Warren nicknaming him "Franks and Beans" and yelling "He was masturbating" to the whole neighbourhood. I couldn't handle myself laughing, and if you don't think funny, this is not the movie for you.
Thirteen years go by, and Ted is still in love with Mary, so he hires the biggest sleazeball ever seen, and he is Pat Healey, who has the looks that would make any woman want to run and the smile that says it all. When we first see him in his office, he looks like a weasel with his pants unbuttoned when he goes to stand up from his chair. Pat finds Mary living a peachy life in Miami, and she is still a gorgeous babe who is single, and Pat decides he wants her, so he tells Ted that she is 250 pounds, has four kids and has been shipped to Japan as a mail-order bride. Healey begins eavesdropping on Mary's conversations so he will know to say the right things because he is an idiot otherwise, and this is where most of the movie gets its humour. When Healy meets her a golf range, he pretends to be the man of her dreams until he discovers that another idiot is after Mary posing as an architect that uses crutches.
Ted gets wind that Healy set him up, and he wants Mary, so he heads down to Miami to rekindle their romance and push Healey to the side. The only problem is, she doesn't know he hired Healey to spy on her. The comic genius behind the writing is what makes the characters a class act for stupidity, and they are so dumb, but you can't help but laugh at their failed attempts to woo Mary. One screw the other over, and then someone else screws that one over. One of the funnier moments is when Mary ends up getting falsely told that Healey is a murderer by someone, and oh boy, does he ever get his ass kicked for that one. You can't help but laugh at it all. When you see all these characters chasing after Mary and the lengths they go to are unbelievable funny.
Ted also has another friend named Dom (Chris Elliott) who gives Ted advice that leads to the film's most comical gag. I won't spoil it, but it involves Mary's hair. Lin Shaye plays Mary's suntanned friend who looks toasted. Into the third act, the film gets by on gags, one involving speed because of two idiots. I wasn't expecting much of an ending, but I was surprised. They attempt a twist with one of the characters, which was also a surprise, and I figured the laughs were done but no. When everyone is in Mary's apartment, and she sees all the dummies that were after her, Pat attempts to woo her with his goofy smile, and she looks at him and says," Are you crazy? You're a murderer." And the look on Matt Dillion's face made me howl when he looks at the character that set him up with ass-kicking intent.
After all the comedies that have failed to generate genuine laughs, this movie is a winner with a crazy but sweet ending that will leave you smiling. It's more than just the humour to the film, even if it's about a bunch of morons trying to manipulate a woman they all want, but you can look at these characters and see the stupid but harmless nature of them, and that's what makes them funny and likeable. The film may be a bit crazy, but it has its heart in the right place and is a must-see this summer. This movie is going to be one of my favourite films for many years to come.