Not Worth my $8.50

Rating: 1/10 (20 August 2013)

There were so many things wrong with this movie that I'm sure I'll forget something. First off, I'm a huge fan of the X-Men characters and story, that being said, this should NOT be included as a film in that series.
First off, WE GET IT. WOLVERINE DOES THE HEALING THING. CAN'T DIE. It is NOT necessary to stop all action every time he's injured, wait until he's done healing, and then continue fighting. It happens in every fight scene in this movie, which, by the way is all this movie is. There's a cute scene between him and Marikol (that later has NO significance WHATSOEVER), but besides that the whole movie seems to be fight scene after fight scene.
Also seemed to me that Wolverine had probably 20 too many "one liners", and while a few were pretty funny- not all 50 were. It would have been nice to have some real dialouge. It probably would have helped clear up all the confusion we experienced with the plot of the movie. On that note, I thought the X-Men franchise was supposed to be about MUTANTS. That's been the deal thus far, but this movie went political, brought a bunch of humans into it, and seemed to forget about the mutants. Are we living in a world where everyone is OK with mutants? Is this supposed to be before or after Logan's time at the school with Professor X? We don't know, because there is NO interaction with anyone except the main characters. (I would have much rather gone to a movie about Storm's history, or Professor X's history, OR EVEN JEANNE'S HISTORY, instead of ANOTHER one about Logan. One was perfect- this one was NOT.) And the whole scene at the beginning was pointless. WHy do we care that Logan is a mountain man who cares about bears and avenges their deaths? Was the poisoned arrow supposed to have a connection to the lizard girl? What's her deal? Where'd she come from? Why does she wear those ridiculous outfits? What was the point of the scene where she pulls her skin off? Although it was cool, I guess, it seemed to have no point- no reason to be in the movie. Maybe she's Mystique's sister...That would have made sense.
OH. And don't get me started on the logic of how the hell little old Logan is able to tackle the 2 story pure Adamantium robot powered by an almost dead jerk off who wants Logan's power. What's is deal anyway? Most guys would be thankful their life was saved ONCE... and not shoot for immortality. No one cares if you "aren't ready to die", you aren't a mutant, so get over it and leave Logan alone. . And at the end it is NOT clear in any way whether or not Logan can heal anymore. Did he magically get his power back and they just forgot to include that detail? Or were we supposed to gather that he can't heal anymore, since the weird Asian mutant is now his "bodyguard"? And what was the point of him "falling in love" with Marikol? He just leaves her.
Why did we find out about the true plot behind the ENTIRE movie 15 minutes before the screen went black and credits rolled?
Why was he shot in the back with 100 poisonous arrows, intending to keep him from breaking into the building, and then brought into the building..? And why did he fall face down in the snow like a penguin who waddled too fast? That was horrendus. He lost his bad-ass status with that move. How is it possible for him to be riding a motorcycle in the slippery snow? Why the hell is he wearing a wife beater tank top and a jacket in the snow? Why does the army of ninjas 1. wait to attack him until he's healed back up again, and 2. only come at him 1 by 1? Not very ninja-like.
What was the point of Marikol's friend in the movie? To predict the future that we NEVER saw come true accurately? She sucked. She was a terrible actress, and her hair was awful, and there was no point in her being there- there was no scene that portrayed to us any kind of real relationship she and Marikol had. But I guess she maybe does martial arts?
I've also caught myself wondering what the point of half of the movie was. Why couldn't we have found out about the bad grandfather and the ENTIRE PLOT OF THE MOVIE **BEFORE** IT ENDED. THAT WOULD HAVE HELPED MAKE IT A GOOD MOVIE. IT WOULD HAVE AT LEAST MADE SENSE.
While I can handle plot-inconsistencies, or stupid mistakes, or cheesy lines, I learned this evening that I cannot handle all of that in ONE movie. It's too much. To not have a clue what's going on, have to deal with crappy writing, and rookie mistakes is too much. There are so many more things I could rant about, but I doubt anyone made it to the end of this review at this point, so I'll end with that.
OH. And despite the terrible acting around him, the horrible one liners he had to deliver due to a terrible writer / director, Hugh Jackman did incredible well with the part, and his image in my mind remains untarnished. I was also impressed with Marikol's performance. Though she was a pretty shallow character, she really played her part well. Kudos to you two.