Holy $#!T! I can't feel my legs...

Rating: 1/10 (11 January 2014)

I don't know where to start on this film. I guess I can start on the degenerates who play in the movie.
1. Jordan Belfort: A delusional character who apparently spends too much time snorting "white-girl" (Cocaine), partying and having sexual intercourse.
2. Max Belfort: Remember that angry guy in the movie who said "f*ck" or "f*cking" every sentence and always yelled? Whelp... that was him.
3. Naomi: The gold-digger wife who OBVIOUSLY married Jordan for his money and acted like a street sl*t. But hey.. I guess that's what happens when you're rich.
4. Donnie: The fat-ass who almost choked on ONE piece of pepperoni in the film and had his genitalia out half way in the movie.. which I did not want to see.
5. That mentor from the beginning: Remember the guy who created the weird African Zulu chant and people in the cinema found it funny for no reason? Well that was him, the guy who only had 5 minutes of screen play in the movie and was no where near involved after Jordan's success.
6. Brad: The one Jewish guy who had that necklace with Hebrew writing on it, seemed like an asshole but I got to say Brad and the FBI agent are probably the coolest realistic people in this entire film.
7. Sh*t. Nevermind. I feel like if I talk about the rest of the cast, i'll contract Ammonia.
Okay, so in the film we start off with the mentor, he mentors Jordan, gives him tips. Etc etc. But guess what?! Can't have success yet without a nude scene or parties!
Next we get to see how Jordan got to the top and started off his street- broker business. Oh wait! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! You can't show that until we see another anonymous nude scene along with some obnoxiously out-casted characters.
Then we get to the point, hell, I can't even remember parts of the movie because I fell asleep once then woke up. But anyways, we get to scenes where the FBI are on him, and he's scamming people through the phone.. but wait.. isn't this movie supposed to show HOW he done this? HELLO? The side-effects of the victims that got scammed? It just seemed to be more of an entertainment film rather than explaining what really happened.
Oh yeah, I forgot. There's also 1 Asian guy in the film, he was pretty dope.
Alright! The movie has end- WHAT? IT'S STILL GOING? MY LEGS... I CAN'T FEEL THEM! (30 Minutes later): I can feel my sweat inside my shirt.. deodorant did not do it's job... If I don't make it out of this hell-hole, please tell my mother that I love her... (1 hour later): My head is officially frozen. I feel like if I turn my neck or something I will pop a blood vessel. Or my eyes will fall down. (1 hour and a half later): Finally the movie is almost done.. but there's a scene! There's a scene of GAY MEN HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER! I ain't homophobic or anything.. but when you infringe MY life with that stuff... I highly need to do a Virginia Tech. school shooting! F*ck it, more like that guy who wore that Batman outfit and shot up the theater.
Then we get to the scene where they are in Italy, then they need to get to Morocco. They take the yacht there and end up surviving somehow over 10 story-tsunami's and flying planes that love to blow up in the Atlantic ocean. (I feel like a child created this script from his every- Monday journal.)
Then we have scenes which aren't funny at ALL come in. The scene where we have Jordan slide his body on the ground to his car for popping too much "Lemons". I got to say there was probably 20 minutes spent on such a ridiculous scene.
I got to say that this had to be not really a realistic film of crime.. but rather an entertainment life of what happened to him.
I was expecting NO action, which I got! But.. I wanted to see it in more of a mob-criminal way. (Like how Brad did business) Or something out of The Wire, The Sopranos type of thing. But I can't discount the film on that. I just felt like it needed more ways of showing HOW he scammed people and what their reactions were rather than seeing his "love-life" and probably around 12 HUGE parties in the movie.. I AM NOT KIDDING! Oh don't forget the random threats/jokes towards physically damaged kids who are "slow" if you know what I mean.
Anyways, this film sucked. It was TOO long for such little shown on the business. Too much gay scenes, parties and nude women.
This movie was so bad that I think barf-bags should have had a dispenser on your way out so you can puke it all out and re-think your life or stuff like what you're going to eat for dinner.