This flick beats CITIZEN KANE "Heads over Munchkins" for the title of . . .

Rating: 10/10 (11 March 2019)

. . . "Best Movie of All Time." Only very insecure cinema reviewers and "film school" professors (that is, those dudes who think that they--and they alone--are on the verge of "understanding" CITIZEN KANE) could rate the disjointed Orwellian newsreel above "Dorothy Gale's" epic journey to Emerald City. One of these flicks features a Yellow Brick Road; the other, a rotten sled. One film is dominated by the Wicked Witch of the West; the other, by a drunken hag. Aging, alcoholic, gold-digging showgirls are a dime a dozen in Hollywood, but WHO ELSE could curdle your blood by demanding to know "WHO killed my sister?" Or by threatening "I'm going to get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" "Charles Foster Kane" may have become "unstuck in time," but his hop-scotching through the years can't hold a candle to "Billy Pilgrim's" anachronistic adventures during SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE. (Don't even TRY to picture Mr. Welles caged--in the buff--as he's ogled by alien zoo-goers, along with a similarly unclad Double D Lady!) CITIZEN KANE lacks even ONE chart-topping hit song. (Can you imagine how much better it COULD have been if it had opened to the strains of "Ding dong, old Chuck is dead!"?) Though both KANE and OZ are met to be scathing critiques of American monetary policies as of 120 years ago, when KANE's sledding gets tough, it breaks a snow globe. OZ, on the other hand, keeps its eye on the crystal ball, never losing sight of the fact that the Yellow (Gold) Brick Road is a Dead End Street. Kane pulls most of its punches, devolving into the bathos of maudlin sentimentality. Conversely, OZ promises us that heroes can lead a Popular Uprising against the Established Order, "liquidating" the Fat Cat One Per Centers who think that THEY can Lord it over We True Blue Loyal Patriotic Normal Average 99 Per Center Silent Majority Progressive Union Label Working Stiff Citizens forever!