Words fail me

Rating: 3/10 (5 May 2018)

"Finally no Hollywood crap", says one of the reviews.
This, to me, is the epitome of a whole lot of things I'd consider exactly Hollywood crap. There's hardly any part of this that strives towards any kind of artistic expression. It's all about the things that count, and the things that count in Hollywood are that it has to be pretentious, acted in a certain way, visually pleasing and must avoid anything that would come over as too strong. It has to be bland, dumb and well packaged and this is certainly all three of those things, which shows in critic ratings.
There's not really a story here... just a series of events stranded together, but none of them carry any meaning. Not even one you could give yourself as a commentary on the real life situation, like in a documentary without a clear agenda. This movie is like wallpaper or elevator music, but taking forever to achieve the same effect. At one third I was afraid they had no idea where to take it, at two thirds I was 100 % sure of it.
The ending feels like the joke ran too long and they decided to go grab a snack to eat so they just shot whatever to sum it up.
The Witch is great at all the wrong things, at things that can elevate the experience, but cannot make it. And this is as elevated as something so shallow can possibly be. It knows that if it does not try, it can't be faulted for failing.