A con job by A24; SPOILERS!

Rating: 1/10 (21 February 2016)

Yep, this studio suckered us into believing this was a slow-burn horror movie that would sit alongside Rosemary's Baby in the horror canon. I assure you, this movie won't even be discussed a year from now. This was a no-burn drama with pretty visuals, good acting, no story, and dialogue that was 60% unintelligible. Pure style over substance. I see a lot of reviews babbling on about religious/feminist symbolism blah blah blah. Problem is none of this matters without story and character. So much great indie horror that never gets a wide theatrical release (Starry Eyes, Babadook, V/H/S, Excision I could of course go on and on) and Hollywood gives us this. I am boycotting all future Robert Eggers movies as he was complicit in this scam. But what do he and the studio care? By the time bad word of mouth sinks this movie and it leaves the theaters after week 2, they will be depositing their 20mil in the bank. Spoiler Alert: As to the plot, it is as follows. A sexy witch in the woods scares this family in a cabin and they go mad and mostly kill each other (maybe because of Calvinism and misogyny and stuff). Then a bunch of witches float in the final scene. Shortly thereafter the movie ended, and someone yelled "refund". I went home mad.