Wouldst thou like to fall asleep? I prithee, watch on.

Rating: 2/10 (29 July 2018)

New England, 1630: a puritanical family living in the wilderness are tormented by dark forces.
Robert Eggers, director and scribe of The VVitch, thou displeaseth me with thy movie: I commend thee for thy dedication to realism, but authentic production design, gloomy cinematography and oft incomprehensible period dialogue maketh not for an enjoyable experience.
I wished to take my leave soon after the start, though I continued perchance matters improved. This was not to be! I bade thee, list' not to the positive reviews that laudeth this film, for I speak aright when I say that The VVitch doth make thine eyes heavy and time standeth still.
By the end, thou will hath endured much tedium, but I ask thee 'for what?'. Naught in the way of scares, I tell thee, but many a yawn.