Something, someone, somewhere with not a witch in sight.

Rating: 1/10 (24 May 2016)

Where was the witch viewers were promised? Maybe she appeared while I was nodding off due to the inky visuals and incomprehensible dialog. I don't know, nor do I care. Hey, I'm all for historical and period trappings, but when you cannot follow the incessant mumbling of the cast using long-discarded tropes of the common tongue, it's time to turn this twaddle off and watch Margaret Hamilton do the Witch of the West for the 1000th time. Now that's a witch! Here you have grubby expatriate pilgrims or something like that living apart from the other settlers at the edge of a forbidding wood. The isolation evidently makes religious paranoia set in and the the rest is snoozeville. I woke up long enough to realize the Black Goat gives the best performance and then cursed myself for spending the money to see this after-school special about the olden times when all you had to do was accuse someone of talking to a chicken of being a witch. Avoid this nonsense, it's a stinker.