fails is every possible way

Rating: 1/10 (13 June 2016)

In our house there are two films we use an in-joke references to all things terrible.. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 and Angel Dog.. and now... The Witch.
Fist of all it fails as a horror film. A horror film only has one job.. to be scary.. There is nothing remotely scary or even slightly spooky about the whole film. There are a few gross moments but nothing that remotely concerns the viewer.
The family have no redeeming qualities so there is little reason to empathise with them. They are a pair of religious nuts who have been banished because they are too nutty for the other religious nuts to live with.
The setting is nice and there is a good opportunity to build some suspense about the wood they live under... which is never taken.
One of the biggest problems with the show is a technical one. The sound mix is horrible.. The score is ridiculously loud and jarring (irritating rather than spooky) and the voice channel is really low. This is compounded by the fact that the actors barely pronounce their dialogue in a coherent manner. I appreciate they are trying to recreate old dialects but there is no excuse for the muttering they deliver. In order to hear anything you need the volume way above normal and the the horrible score will kick and shake the windows. Seriously.. we had to rewind a few times just to hear what had been said and shrugged a few times.
There is one good point.. Harvey Scrimshaw who plays Caleb does a really good job.. the others are very forgettable.
I was ready to turn if off with 30 mins ready to go but the wife insisted we have come this far and should push on. After all the ending might justify this bore fest.
As for the ending.. please let there be a good ending.. fat chance. This makes no sense what so ever.. the twins vanish.. the nice girl who has just watched her whole family die decides to join the devil and go wondering naked through the woods. Really...
I can only assume those who are rating this more than 2 stars got the film mixed up with something else.