Turgid pointless nonsense.

Rating: 1/10 (8 May 2016)

First off, not liking this boring POS does not make me stupid. I don't usually watch fast paced horror movies, with rapid cut scenes and multiple plot twists.
I am quite happy to watch slow paced films - if they have an interesting story arc. This didn't.
A family of religious whack-jobs are dumped out of the safety of the camp of even more religious nuts. They try to carve out an existence on their own. It doesn't go well for them. Stuff (duh! censorship!) happens.People die. The family disintegrates. The attractive teenage daughter survives long enough to get her kit off and walk naked through the woods to a coven of naked witches. End credits.
And that's pretty much it. They speak in that annoying English/New England puritan "thou" and "thee" syntax.
Oh and there's a witch lurking in the background. Which is unsurprising, as the film is called "The Witch." This film redefined boring for me. It unfolded at a snails pace. The only story arc was the obviously inevitable disintegration of the family. Throw in some hints of incestuous rumblings, some twisting bodies ala Regan in The Exorcist, a smattering of Denis Wheatley horned devil-demon, and some questionable teenage nudity and that's pretty much it.
Don't fall for The Emperor's New Clothes angle that some people are trying to sell. Liking this film is NOT an indication that you are possessed of some form of superior intelligence. It's boring predictable twaddle, and you should do yourself a favor and avoid it.