This is Not a Scary Movie...has spoilers

Rating: 5/10 (22 February 2016)

Hood Review: VVitch (The Witch).
Quick Hits:
The Goat is the best actor. Bible Thumping Lots of it. Not a scary movie.
The R rating got my dander up for this one. That rating mixed with the spooky trailers had me hopeful. But 'The Witch' under delivered in just about every category. The trailer basically is scarier than the movie. There were some disturbing moments and couple jumpy parts. But outside of that, it is just not a scary, not even a little bit. I'd categorize this as more a drama sprinkled with suspense. Then add a dash of WTF, and a splash uneasiness moments and you have a Wrong Island Iced Tea. What it did capture very well is one family's struggles and how evil was able to divide their family bond and conquer the family unit by preying on their weaknesses and the weakened bond. Witches had an incredible amount of bible thumping going on, but being the story took place in the 1630s it seemed appropriate. So get ready to hear a bunch of "thou", "thee" and "hither" type speak and ton of biblical type scenes and references. A few times it took my brain a few seconds lag to decipher what was being said. This film did manage to keep an air of mystery, creepiness and interest through out the movie. The finer points were probably the direction and cinematography. I also get the feeling we could have did without seeing the Witch at all. The random, sporadic appearances of the actual witch did little to add value to this flick. The acting was so-so. That R-rating though. Them sneaky jerks. They snuck one in on me. How they managed that R- rating was by adding a couple lightly gory shots and a bizarre scene were a bunch of chicks were randomly twerking in the woods and chanting while naked. Outside of that this coulda been rated PG-13.
All in all, this was actually a good movie. But for all the wrong reasons, it's a blatant case of false advertising. If you like thrillers/suspense this would be a good one to check out. But horror and scary you are looking for? Move along, there is nothing to see here
And for that I am giving The Witch 2.5 EBTs.