The Adventures of Super Blind Girl!

Rating: 5/10 (5 December 2005)

Yeesh! What a dull and completely predictable movie this was! I'll admit, the opening fifteen minutes or so had promise, but it very quickly becomes apparent what is going on and what WILL happen at the end. The only real surprise moment was when the retard knifes the boyfriend of super blind girl. And, at that precise moment, any last vestiges of mystery evaporate like spilt petrol from a hot forecourt.
In essence, The Village tries to be a clever movie that will "shock" its audience with the revealed "truths". In reality, even Western Union would have trouble matching the telegraphing that goes on here! I mean, they don't just drop subtle clues, its bloody great sledgehammer-like obvious ones.
In a nutshell, this is the story...
A small community of (apparently) turn of the century/late 1800's folk live in mortal fear of "Those we do not speak of" (tm) who live beyond the boundaries of their community. As a result, they never leave the community. The Elders tell everyone that the world outside is wicked. However, when someone is hurt, everything begins to "unravel" and someone has to be sent for medical help.
So here's the thing. Nobody leaves the community, but apparently everyone knows there is a town nearby. Despite the fear of "Those we do not speak of" (tm) - of which they seem to do nothing but talk - it's difficult to imagine that someone wouldn't have tried by now and succeeded.
Because of the aforementioned "subtle" clues, it becomes apparent early on that the whole thing is a sham and that there are no real monsters. Likewise, it also is equally apparent that the "wicked world" outside is actually the modern day world. However, fear not, for the real surprise is actually that the supposed retard is a lunatic prepared to commit murder.
After about thirty minutes nothing really comes as much of a surprise anymore and you're left looking at your watch/DVD counter etc. and wondering how much longer it can be dragged out for. The answer is another hour, during which we are treated to the ridiculous concept of a blind girl being sent out to fetch medicines for her sick boyfriend whom the retard stabbed. Of course, she succeeds, along the way handily dispatching the retard to his doom at the bottom of a pit. The end.
Things that insulted me about this movie:
The blind girl who acted like she was not blind and could handily navigate through a forest she'd never been in before and then back again. Blind people are capable at getting around, but I doubt orienteering is high on their list of "must do" activities. Gah!
The conceit behind the victims who set up the community. How ironic, intentional or otherwise, that those who had been the victims of crime should choose to persecute their own children and force them to live away from modern society, medicines and services. To such an extreme that they would be willing to let people die rather than go the few miles to fetch help. Bah!
M Night Shyamalan.... it's becoming rapidly apparent to me that Mr Night wants us to think he's a cool, cutting-edge kind of director. A Spielberg or Cameron, or even a Burton. The reality is, he's mediocre at best and good upon occasion. The top-notch director class that he wants us to think he belongs in is as believable as most of his movies. In other words, a complete fantasy, a conceit of his own mind. He can make some effective films, but frequently ignores that which makes a movie entertaining in favour of "clever" plot twists which the audience has foreseen long before. As a result, his movies are never shocking or surprising, just formulaic and dull.
Summary: This would make a good episode of the Outer Limits or Twilight Zone, but instead is drawn out into a movie that should never have been.
EDIT: It was gratifying to see Robot Chicken mock Mr. Shyamalan. Thanks Seth Green!