Lifetime Television for Women? Yes. Blockbuster? No.

Rating: 3/10 (1 August 2004)

I'm going to try to do this without any spoilers...but be warned that my critique alone might lead one to conclusions.
My primary gripe about this movie is that it plays like a Lifetime Television For Women flick -- something akin to COLD MOUNTAIN without the budget and WITNESS without the awesome story -- and throw in a little ALIEN for Sigourney's sake.
Keep these things in mind and reflect upon them AFTER you've seen the film. You'll see what I mean.
1) What was the purpose of the Pilgrim-esquire grammar and manners? Even when Ivy learns the truth from her father, why does he still use that silly, proper, Amishy cadence? And when the elders speak amongst themselves, why do they not revert to normal phrasing? It would have been a cagey hint wouldn't it? Isn't that what plot twists are all about -- the oh-so-subtle hints?
2) Adrien Brody does an annoying job of over-acting. I know it's hard to find a real village idiot who also happens to be an acting coach, but he really should have toned it down. Even an idiot would have known that.
3) Making Ivy blind was a cop-out. The old, "hysterical blind person stumbling through the lonely woods" thing is pretty tired. I imagine this was an attempt to offer us a sense of claustrophobia ( something the director did fabulously in SIGNS) but it just doesn't work here.
4) The pay-off, not that there is one, is feeble and forced. By the time Ivy dispatches one of the unspeakables, anyone with a brain has an idea what is going to happen -- but you still wonder if there might be something less overt. I sat there and thought of at least three different twisty, awesome possibilities that might lie ahead to delight us -- but alas, there were none to be found.
If I saw this film on The USA Network or Lifetime, I would have thought it was pretty good, but since I've been seeing trailers for this big-budget, summer blockbuster for nearly a year, I was profoundly frustrated.
Much like the character's life choices in the village of Covington, the whole thing was a noble effort. So, instead of signing off with a nasty poke at the director/writer, I'll politely say, night, Night.
Damien