Most worthless piece of trash ever. **SPOILERS**

Rating: Null/10 (15 September 2004)

**Since I'm telling you not to see it, I'm trusting you'll listen to me, so it doesn't matter that I'm gonna give away some of the movie.**
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This, by far, was the worst movie I have ever seen. Ever. I don't know how all these people can like the movie!
I am not kidding when I say this movie was the worst one ever. There have certainly been movies I have gone to and not liked, but now is the first time I have EVER declared that a movie is the worst of all time. I just couldn't believe the genius who brought us "The Sixth Sense" gave us this piece of trash. There's so many problems with this movie, I've decided to just make a nice list for time's sake.
1-No one talks! This was almost as bad as Space Oddyssey. There were so many scenes in which there was either 2 people talking for 5 minutes or no one talking at all. I need something to keep me awake at the theatre! I can close my eyes, but not my ears.
2-The previews scared me more than the movie. When I saw the previews, I thought, "Man, this looks like one of those movies that just plain freaks you out!" It wasn't. The only times I ever got scared was during one of the numerous surprise shots, were all of a sudden something appears on screen, or something moves, etc. The rest of the movie was too stupid to be scary.
3-I couldn't stop laughing! There's one scene where the village idiot puts on the porcupine costume and wanders into the woods. The girl, thinking it's a monster, kills it. Word spreads to the village, and a boy rushes into a room. "She found a monster and killed it." The boy's parents, knowing he took the costume, start bawling. I was laughing so hard!
4-The blind girl should have gotten written out of the script: She can run faster than any boy in town! She can dodge her way between buildings, and notice when walls are in front of her! She's.......BLIND! 'Nuff said about that. Also, I kept forgetting who was blind. I'd think, "the village idiot can't see that-he's blind!" But no! Only she was blind. So confusing! And, the blind girl manages to find her way through dense woods to a city and back. By herself. Who thinks of this nonsense?
5-The guy lives! A man gets stabbed repeatedly in the chest and stomach with a butcher knife, stays stable for well over 3 days, and then survives with medicine. WTF is that? You can't live for 3 days with no medicine after being stabbed in the stomach and chest over and over!
6-There's "Those we shall not speak of", "The woods we shall not speak of", and "The color we shall not speak of". Then, the blind girl's dad leads her to a shed. "Do you know where we are?" he asks. I almost threw my popcorn at the screen when she replied, "The shed we shall not speak of." Are these people crazy? At least there wasn't like "The chandelier we shall not speak of", or "The branch on the tree in the front we shall not speak of".
Now for the good parts of the movie:
1-Judy Greer was in it, and for some reason, she played a character of the same name she does in "Arrested Development".
2-I'll come back to this one.