"Why'd you wanna' treat me like a Keser!!"

Rating: 5/10 (12 June 2006)

The Usual Suspects is one of those films that like The 6th Sense, tries to get the viewer to think one thing and then suddenly POW!, they hit you with that big comic book like surprise twist at the ending. In the light of todays average fair full of pounding soundtracks, pyrotechnics, and product placements, it almost seems like a thinking mans film, however, this type of story telling has an inherent birth defect due to the very nature of its design, and that is that once you've seen it, the films one true claim of quality is forever lost, the carpet can not be pulled out from under your feet a second time. In essence, it becomes as pointless as trying to dazzle yourself at a magic show when you already know all the secrets behind every trick. Outside of this built in defect there is also the problem that the trick itself is actually very badly designed in the first place, this is in reality a very poorly constructed, and badly written script. This film has been embraced and awarded the highest honors, and yet there is not a single moment in it that isn't bogged down and convoluted, or even one bit plausible.
At the end of the film the other cop who works in the office where Verbal Kent is interrogated tells Inspector Kujan ( Chazz Palminteri )that to basically understand his messy office, you just have to stand back and look at it to see it, the same exact thing can be said about this equally unorganized film. To truly understand this lets stand back and actually take a look at the character of Keaton, played very dully by the very dull Gabriel Byrne. He was a NYPD officer for 4 years even though he is a Brit. In that short time he spent on the force he committed seven felonies, three of which were murders. Not a single one of these crimes could be pinned on him because the witnesses either died or changed their stories entirely, yet as an obvious embarrassment to the department, he was kicked off the force. When he is off the Force he gets indited on a fraud charge and does five years in prison. While in prison he kills three fellow inmates, but just like his other crimes, none of these atrocities could be pinned on him, so he simply gets out when his time is up. Once on the streets he kills yet again, but before he could be prosecuted for it, he dies in a warehouse fire when he goes in to check a leaking gas main. Once dead, the two witnesses that could of railroaded him back to Sing Sing die in single mysterious deaths, and even though there are no longer any witnesses left breathing, an innocent man takes his place behind bars. So now he surfaces as a business man who dates a high priced criminal lawyer. Thats his story folks, told to you specifically to get you to buy that he is this arch super-villain with the ridiculously bad name. Meanwhile this film does all it can to paint Verbal Kent as a bumbling idiotic club footed buffoon con man. The problem with all this blatant manipulation is that Kevin Spacey might as well have the name Keser Soze stenciled across forehead in bright neon letters.
Another place this film falls short is in its attempt to be a two fisted tough guy movie, lets face it, the only female character that even has a name, is simply in the movie as a reason to move the protagonist like pawns on a chest board at convenient times in this contorted plot, so what we are left with is the five criminals, who like small grade school children, spend half the movie puffing their chests out at one another. One scene that never fails to get a good laugh out of me is when Kevin Pollack and Stephen Baldwin almost get into a fight with one another. Possibly for reasons of keeping both men in the frame, director Bryan Singer has these two guys standing toe to toe facing one another with their mouths only a few inches apart, instead of looking like a fisticuff might take place, it looks far more likely that they might engage in a lusty soul kiss. This nice moment is capped of by brilliantly by a disembodied macho voice calling them ladies, and Kevin Pollack asking the Baldwin brother if he wants to dance. The fun continues in a later scene in which the Baldwin character comes up behind Pete Postlethwaite as if he might mount him any second, and whispers in his ear "I'm the guy thats gonna get you." Yes, due to inept story tellers and bad dialogue, what might of been Clint Eastwoon like one liners, is reduced in the hands of these hacks, into homoeroticism running wild.
I know that audiences continue to be impressed by this film, and that this thing won an Oscar for its script, but this story is nothing but a clunky ludicrous mess wrapped up in a bow of paper thin phony freshness, it simply does not deserve all of the love it is getting. The Usual Suspects is a film that makes me want to quit my day job and move to Hollywood, since tripe is so often confused with genius.