A western with fedoras and Tommy guns (spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (18 October 2005)

The Untouchables has little to do with reality. It's almost entirely a work of fiction. But that fact doesn't matter one bit. The historical characters are just a conduit for a simple tale of good and evil, one that, if anything, is more a western than a gangster film (albeit a western with fedoras and Tommy guns).
The primary thing that makes me think of The Untouchables as a western is Ennio Morricone's score. Sure, what with his magnificent work with Sergio Leone, he's forever associated with the genre, but just listen to the music over the end credits. That's not music from a gangster film. Music that big and music that majestic belongs to a western. And then of course you have the bridge scene. Yeah you don't need to be a genius to see the horses and think of a western, but again the music gives it that feel.
And of course there's the fact that you've got a posse of lawmen trying to kick some corrupt hoodlum out of town. Ness may be trying to bring law and order to the streets of 1920s Chicago, but it could easily be some dusty Midwest hellhole at the end of the nineteenth century.
But talk of the film being a western is really beside the point. The only thing that really matters is whether the film works, and it works like gangbusters.
However, some of the film's positives, the things that make it so watchable, are directly related to its shortcomings. For instance, the film is corny as hell. Just take the end scene where Capone's lawyer decides to change his plea. It didn't happen and it wouldn't happen, but who cares? This is a film where good triumphs over evil. This is a film where a man can survive having the entire contents of a Tommy gun magazine unloaded into his belly and live long enough to impart vital plot information. This is a movie with a capital M, and because De Palma is an excellent director, and because you care about the characters, the film transcends reality. It just isn't needed.
Perhaps the shortcoming that works best is Kevin Costner's blandness. His Ness is a massive square. "Let's do some good." But in the context of the film, it works brilliantly. I mean, here's a man with a shockingly happy family  he's probably the only 'cop' (yes I know he's not actually a cop) in the movies who has a wife who doesn't nag him to death  and who makes speeches about purity. He's a knob. He's a stick-in-the-mud. He's Rex Banner. Therefore it's even more satisfying when he throws the book out of the window and starts killing gangsters in cold blood. He's not the first movie character to realise that laws get you nowhere. True justice can only be obtained by breaking noses and throwing men off buildings.
Then there's Sean Connery. He's the grizzled, seen it all cop who throws homespun advice at his young apprentice(s). Seriously, every line of dialogue contains some nugget of useful information. He's wiser than Gandalf, Gandhi and Yoda all put together. But somehow Connery makes it work. Not once does it grate. He's kind of like your dad. He's got an answer for everything. Although my dad has a much better accent. (He also becomes Ness' surrogate father. Just watch the rage bubble forth when Nitti insults Ness' daddy. He doesn't mind that Nitti has shot a bailiff and killed two innocent people. He only loses the plot when Nitti disparages his deceased surrogate pop. I just wish that the "Cause you killed my friend" line was changed to "Cause you killed my daddy." That would have been much better. But speaking of that moment, I crack up at the way that Costner says that line. He's a square to the end. And another square delivery is when he has to kill the gangster in the shed. "What is this; a game?" Oh, the humanity.)
Another shortcoming that works brilliantly is the fact that De Palma rips off (or should that be 'homages'?) Battleship Potemkin. Really it should signify a paucity of original ideas, but hey, a baby rolling down steps is timeless  he's trying to preserve purity; do you see? And De Palma gets extra points for having the bloke with a broken nose get blow away by a pump action shotgun and then having random sailors get shot in the crossfire in the shoot out that follows  I don't know why but I can never get enough of innocent people getting shot in crossfire; it's a sickness I have.
And yet another thing that shouldn't work is Wallace. A short, bespectacled accountant turned untouchable? That should be awful. But here's it's brilliant. Too bad that he gets killed, though. I guess it just shows that when vertically-challenged accountants begin to get cocky, they get whacked. And I'm also impressed that Nitti manages to write his bloodstained message in double quick time. He must have done that before.
Other bits of genius than transcend the material include the old man fight (I love it when Malone kicks the bloke in the balls), the corrupt Irish cop (I keep expecting him to say, "Where's me lucky charms?"), the prolonged death of Malone (De Palma cuts the scene to opera, just in case you thought it was a gritty, accurate depiction of events), the way that Ness' 'pure' existence (Ness himself became an alcoholic) is juxtaposed against Capone's decadent lifestyle, the 'Poor Butterfly' bit and Capone giving a motivational speech before bashing someone's brains in. Essentially it's a film of clichés, but when clichés work as well as this, who gives a damn?