The introduction of the hairy piggy boys

Rating: 2/10 (21 November 2009)

This is the second episodes of the love story between the vampire boy Edward (Pattinson) and his human girlfriend Bella (Stewart). One of the many problems of this movie is that it is not a standalone peace, and even if it is based on book it should be. The editing and the screenplay are so in-cohesive, that one can only conclude this movie was made dollar signs in eyes after teenagers (parents) money. If one is really a hardcore fan, this movie might be OK just having the word Twilight in it, but others including those who actually liked the book, it will leave cold. The only two good scenes are in the last part of the film, the Volturi fighting scene and that other in the end of the movie.
This movie is very clinical, full of awkward moments and unintentional humour. When in the first Twilight one could smell the rain and moss, in this it is bleach and fish. The first Twilight movie had some sense-emotion-tempo element in it, but the New Moon has none of these; first it is too slow and in the end they had to rush to tell the tale. It is difficult to say if the director and actors actually failed, since the dialogue and original story were so bad.
In the beginning vegetarian reptile eyed Edward and the Cullens leave Bella because of a small paper cut incident and blood. Yes, it is well known fact that in the world of vampires women don't menstruate. Think how awkward that lunch would be. The loss of love of her existence starts her depression and boredom of the viewers. The appearance of melancholic and sleep deprived Stewart actually fits in as a heartbroken Bella. Then comes Bella's chase for astral Edward, meaty puppy Jacob (Lautner), vampires trying to kill Bella, hairy wild hogs trying and killing a vampire, Bella trying to commit suicide, Alice, Edward trying to commit suicide, orange eyed vampire monarchs Volturi trying to kill Bella (because she knows they are really drinking carrot juice, seriously; there are more scary creatures hanging around subway stations), someone in the theatre thinking about committing a suicide, Edward protecting Bella, Volturi trying to kill Edward, The Fight Scene, Alice, Jacob trying to ..., nobody kills Bella and Edward...Saldo one dead not so known non–vegetarian vampire.
The only emotion what is left from the book is Bella's depression. The other pivotal emotional cornerstones are lost in editing. Also Bella's help to hold on, the book's carefree and sunny, crack-up-a-little-bit-of-a-jerk Jacob is in the movie this overly serious bulked-up piggy boy turning into a werewolf,who talks about ever-nether stuff, pushes his jaw down and stares over the forehead, and takes off his shirt, and takes off his shirt, and takes off his shirt... supposedly this should have been a kind of a romantic-sexual chemistry. Instead it looked like a baby brother was trying to do his big sister in his hormonal outburst. Awkward.
Same take-out of all the playfulness and replace it with muscles and angry-simpleminded demeanour was done for the werewolf pack. In spite of being a great admirer of the male beauty, it just went over the top. These guys looked like they have gone through clonal selection creating an association if Quileite men ever consider breeding with anyone else than they first cousins. This together with hanging around only pants on gives again one of the movies unintended humorous associations. If Jacob and others would have started to sing YMCA and sniff each other's behinds, it would have been relief of the monotony. The CG-wolfs looked more hairy piggies than dangerous werewolves, but this might have been intentional; the Christmas is good for the toy market and fluffiness sells more.
There were just no surprises. All possibilities to keep the book's storyline and in addition to explore some other characters point of views than Bella's were not used. They could have made sneak a peek into Volturi ranks, or show the fear in Jacob's first shape shifting. Now poor Stewart had to be in every scene and eye and mind just would want to have a brake sometimes.
Shortly, this movie is like a salad; some lettuce, one year old herrings and pieces of carnivore meat in it. If viewer enables to eat through the smell and awkwardness, s/he might find a small scoop of vanilla ice cream on the bottom.