Straight from the hearse's mouth

Rating: 3/10 (3 December 2009)

When I saw Twilight last year, I hadn't read any of the books. When I saw New Moon last night, I'd read at least two of them. Since I don't fit into the teen, female demographic they're aimed at, I was unimpressed. Stephanie Meyer is the JK Rowling of vampire fiction - a bland, unremarkable writer who had one idea in her life that led to inexplicable success. One suspects she'll spend the rest of her career milking that success.
But when I watched Twilight, since I hadn't read any of them, it didn't come with any baggage attached. So, I was prepared to look at it with an unbiased eye. But I found Twilight overrated even before I picked up any of the books. It only seemed half a good film. It worked well enough when Bella was trying to crack the mystery that was Edward Cullen. But when it came to the vampire side of the story, it was tame and toothless. Something I blamed on the certificate (12A) originally, only to find that director Catherine Hardwicke was just being faithful to the book.
When the film became a global phenomenon, Hollywood rushed into production the rest of the series, hoping to start a new franchise along the lines of a Harry Potter or a Lord of the Rings. Having already endured the dull read that was New Moon, I walked into the cinema with the naive belief that the film would rise above it and turn in a far more enjoyable sequel. But one had a sinking feeling about New Moon when I discovered it was made by Chris Weitz.
Weitz had already ruined one great fantasy novel with The Golden Compass, an excellent book with a rich, fully realised culture all its own destroyed by someone with no feel or affinity for the text. After The Golden Compass bankrupted New Line Cinema, that should have made Weitz unemployable. Why Meyer (and Summit Entertainment) would trust him to lay a finger on New Moon is anyone's guess?
New Moon isn't quite the disaster The Golden Compass was, but it's still a disappointment. Weitz has stayed faithful to the book, but therein lies the problem. Like TGC, he recreates scenes on a page without the flavour to animate them. And because Stephanie Meyer has given him a dull story to tell its a dull film as well.
Where Edward and Bella's romance was the heart of Twilight, New Moon pulls us in many directions. After one of Edward's family almost puts the bite on Bella on her 18th birthday, the Cullen clan uproot and head for safer pastures. Bella falls into misery, but also falls into the company of a pack of werewolves. And when she gets attracted to they're dangerous lifestyle, it summons up visions of her beloved Edward, leading her to take more and more dangerous gambles with her life.
For all its faults, at least Twilight was about something. It was a tighter, more focused film held back by a weedy certificate and a prosaic author. The problem with New Moon is it tries to do many things that all add up to no purpose. Like we never find out what is causing Bella's visions of Edward. Whether its some magic ability on his part? Or has Bella's grief become hallucinatory?
The film brings back Victoria, the vamp from Twilight baying for Bella's blood. She wants to kill Bella to avenge the death of her lover. But the film introduces her, and then just forgets about her. That would have made a far more substantial story, and lent the film a dynamic it desperately lacks. To clutter things even further, we get a trip to Italy where we meet the Volturi, a rival tribe of vampires. It even drafts in great performers like Michael Sheen and a grown up Dakota Fanning and gives them criminally little to do.
One of the reasons I anticipated New Moon with some enthusiasm was because I knew it gave Kristen Stewart the chance to take centre stage. I've always been a great admirer of Stewart, ever since her tough, intelligent debut in Panic Room. Compared to glamour models that pass for actresses, Kristen Stewart actually has acting ability, as well as good looks. I was interested to see what she would do with Bella.
But again, Chris Weitz doesn't give his cast a chance to do anything. Stewart is saddled with a boring plot where it just requires her to mope after Edward for much of the running time. And her relationship with Taylor Lautner is woefully unconvincing. He's completely wooden and never fills the role of a werewolf with anything approaching conviction.
New Moon pushes the fantastical element more than the first film did. We get a few gimmicky special effects shots and some full blooded werewolf fights but I always knew they were CGI. Like TGC, Chris Weitz just doesn't have a flair for special effects, and can't direct them without drawing attention to how false they are.
New Moon is also annoyingly geared towards The Twilight Saga's bread and butter...a young, female audience. Most of the male leads swagger in slow motion, take off their shirts regularly and proudly show off their buffed bodies and sculpted abs. Even Robert Pattinson is guilty of this. Its a disgusting tactic purely designed to appeal to a slavish fanbase.
New Moon ends on a cliffhanger, but not one I'm dying to know the outcome of. If it had focused on one single aspect of its story instead of trying to juggle them all like a circus act, it might have made for a better film. Since each one gets a short shrift, it winds up being more a tangle of disconnected strands then a story we can care much about.