I was Blackmailed into Watching this...

Rating: 2/10 (16 September 2013)

Seriously. I wouldn't have gone any other way.
At the persistence of a die-hard fan girlfriend, I read the books. While cheesy and obviously not my style, I could see how it would appeal to the Prince Charming fantasy that most high-school girls like. As I got the ending I was gradually wanting more and more bathroom breaks. It's just not my thing. And having it drawn out through not one, not two, but four books just made me... irritable.
Then I watched the movie, with the same girlfriend.
I could sigh here and rub my temples, but let's get this over with. I don't think we need to harp anymore on just how horrible the acting of Kristen Stewart and Bobbie Patinson was. Taylor Lautner deserves some credit too. Obviously picked to be eye-candy, this dude cannot act. He looks sarcastic or angry through the entire film. His attempts at dialogue are pretty sad, and his hatred for vampires somehow makes you think he is a closet sparkly fan. I think he has a crush on Alice.
Speaking of... well, Alice was dainty in the books, but here, they turn her into a pretty little butterfly, flitting and flying, huffing when she doesn't get her way. Jasper was supposed to be intense and controlled, but he comes off more as bored to be here, the same for Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie is a bitch, and even though her acting makes everyone else seem like drawings, she is still irritating and grating and you hate her anyway. The only good thing about this movie is Emmett. He seems to be having so much fun that it just makes us wanna know about him.
The plot makes a sad Kristen Stewart sad, or, in her case, bland. The heartbreak would only make a three-year old cry because he/she has a dirty nappy, and well... even in the book, she seemed like she spent the entire time just... moping. And if anyone did that in real life, if a friend, I would sit her down, and have a serious 'get over him!' talk, and since she doesn't have any friends, all you can do is just pray for Laurent to kill her. Another decent casting choice, in my humble opinion.
So, she is drawn to Italy, where she flies off because Edwards is, yes, gonna kill himself because he realized he sparkles in the sunlight.... no wait, because Alice saw Bella jump into the water, and for some under explained reason she can't see what happens when the wolves are involved. I really didn't get that, in the books or in the movies. Meyer has a lot of these plot holes in her work.
And here we get to the only good side of the movie: The Vulturi. While their build-up is pretty weak, Micheal Sheen, Dakota Fanning, and whoever it is that plays Felix are incredible. Putting fear in the people's hearts, and well, during the Edward-Felix fight, I was chanting 'Felix, Felix, Felix,' In the movie theater, you kinda wished that the series was about them. They have the history, they have the background and something to build with. Hell, even as the bad guys, Meyer could have built them up a bit more.
In the end, nobody dies, and Bella and Edward are back together again even thought nobody understood why they broke up in the first place, Bella goes home to her ever-bland daddy-o played by Billy Burke, who went on to a stunning performance in 'Drive Angry' who, wouldn't you know, grounds his 17-year-old daughter for eternity. The end.
And it couldn't have come sooner.
I would have given this movie 1 star, but due to the excellent casting by the under-developed villains, as well as a couple others, I decided not to drop it down all the way. Overall, not a movie you want to waste your time with, considering the only good thing about it was a few of the side actors. Made for, by, and to honor the fans, and nobody else, which in my opinion, is a blatant lack of respect.