Trading monsters

Rating: 6/10 (20 November 2009)

'The Twilight Saga' refers to four books, soon to be five, in the teen cult series by Stephanie Meyers about vampires in the Pacific Northwest and a young woman named Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart, on screen) who falls in love with one of them. You'd have to never go through a supermarket checkout stand not to know that Robert Pattinson, who plays Bella's pale undead beloved, Edward Cullen, is the number one heartthrob du jour. Pattinson's chiseled face, gypsy moth eyebrows and blood red lips peer out from every tabloid. 'Twilight' debuted a year ago in the first of what is anticipated as a franchise. Now the second film has come out.
And for the squealing teenage girls who're the main (but by no means only) fans of the series, the titillation goes on. Essential to it, apparently, is the fact that the love of Bella and Edward is never consummated. These Washington State vampires, the Cullens, live like sedate, well-off middle-class folks, who can occupy a posh modern glass house because there's so little bright sunlight in that part of the country. They're so well-mannered they have adopted a different lifestyle, avoiding the consumption of human blood. Edward Cullen refuses to "turn" Bella by taking a little bite into her veins, despite her repeatedly begging him to bring her into the vampire world. Though he adores her, he believes it better for her to remain a human, so he practices several kinds of abstinence. Noble fellow, this Edward. And he can fly through the air and lift an SUV when he wants as well. One never knew that vampires could have "lifestyle choices," while remaining ageless, super-powerful, and immortal.
All this was interesting and fun when it was new to the neophyte in the first 'Twilight' movie. Unfortunately things slow down considerably in 'Twilight' 2, partly, perhaps, due to the more well-ordered direction of 'About a Boy's' Chris Weitz. Maybe Catherine Hardwicke (of 'Thirteen' and 'Lords of Dogtown') was unpredictable and difficult during the first 'Twilight' filming as rumors go, but her segment had spark (and, whatever the criticisms of its dialog and acting, was wildly successful at the box office). This one has less novelty -- and puts Edward in the background as he and his family, worried that the temptation of Bella's blood might become too great, depart from Forks, WA. Things plod leadenly from then on. The bloom is looking to be off the franchise already; it doesn't look like we've got another 'Harry Potter' on our hands.
Bella finds solace by hanging out with Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and helping him rebuild a couple of motorcycles. Jake is a total contrast to Edward -- a bronzed hunk, and recently rebuilt himself. Lautner boasted in promo trailers that he had put on 30 pounds of muscle between 'Twilights' 1 and 2. And when he first whips off his shirt the girls in the audience ooh and ah loudly. But he's not suave and witty like Edward, just sincere and warm and sort of healthy, in short, everything a self-respecting vampire is not. He's sweet and, well, buff and all, but not very magical. There isn't a lot more to say till it turns out Jacob and his Native American clan are werewolves -- but again of an updated sort, since they mainly run around shirtless in cutoffs and only turn into giant wolves when absolutely necessary to fend off vampires -- or if they get really, really mad. (Obviously Jake and Edward have got some negotiating to do.) The moon doesn't seem to have much to do with it. These giant werewolf leaps are the only major forays into CGI this time, and they're more repetitious and less fanciful than the ones in 'Twilight' 1.
Edward's several lies when he quits Bella include the claim that she'll never lay eyes on him again. In fact he constantly reappears (in restrained CGI) to warn her against Jake and his pals and anything likely to bring on an adrenalin rush. Jake's just a "friend" to Bella, though he's smitten. This time the relationship is not only sexless: they don't even kiss. The stories must satisfy an adolescent girl's fears and ambivalence about boys. Both Edward and Jake are utterly desirable, but also dangerous monsters. But while the danger turns into some explosive CGI from time to time, it never lastingly scars the heroine.
One of the pleasures for me this time last year was the opportunity to see the glossy, Hollywood-fake 'Twilight' 1 story in the same week as Tomas Alfredson's 'Let the Right One In,' a remarkable and memorable Swedish film that, amazingly enough, also concerns teenagers in love, one a vampire, but treats the subject in a way that's truly arresting and strange, yet far more real than Ms. Meyers' conceptions. 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' isn't as much fun to watch without a better movie about the same subject to compare it with.
And what to make of the finale of 'Twilight 2' -- the return of the Cullens to Forks (after a tedious Italian episode even more boring and lame than anything in the Tom Hanks Dan Brown movies), and Edward's asking Bella to marry him? The appearances of Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen as Volturi in Italy (don't ask) add nothing. But, anyway, with all the threats of vaporizing vampires and vampirizing the heroine are dropped, a marriage proposal as the climax? When things get this retro, you begin to see the logic of Edward's having been born in the year 1900.