Lackluster acting and directing make this sequel drag on and on and...

Rating: 2/10 (25 November 2009)

When I walked into the theater to see Twilight, I carried low expectations and walked out feeling little disappointment. The movie was not, by any means, a classic, but it was entertaining and an overall good time. Fast-forward one year, when I headed on into New Moon with similarly low expectations; but this time around, I walked out while shaking my head and trying to overcome a sense of speechlessness. Yes, the critics got it right- New Moon is that bad.
I had an awful feeling that this movie was going to be terrible as soon as it opened to Bella (Kristen Stewart) half-heartedly calling to Edward (Robert Pattinson) that he should not step into the sunlight lest her "grandmother" see his sparkly skin and panic. The film's beginning only goes downhill from there, erroneously implying that Bella and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) were always the best of friends and providing a too-strong reference to Romeo and Juliet. When it came time for Edward to grimace his way through the goodbye and Bella to search in vain for the meaning of the word "emotion," I was hopeful that something good would FINALLY happen! A big mistake on my part.
Whether it's Edward reciting Shakespeare with a dead stare and slouched posture or Jacob pausing dramatically while yelling that he and Bella can't be friends anymore, the entire film progresses at a pace that would make even the most obese snail jealous.
The largest amount of blame lies with Stewart; no movie is able to hold itself up when the lead looks like she would rather be slumming in a Brazilian ghetto than raking in a multimillion dollar paycheck. Stewart carries on in the Twilight tradition of staring vacantly with jaw unhinged and eyes fluttering rapidly. At times, her lack of expression is almost believable for the portrayal of the numb Bella, but it is when she opens her mouth and scoffs and stutters that you really start to feel bad for the girl (if you somehow don't already). The childish and corny dialogue goes right over the young actress' head, and no amount of praise from Stephenie Meyer is enough to make the viewer believe that this is a quality performance.
Pattinson is reduced to two actions in this installment- either standing in the background and brooding or walking in slow motion with clothes rippling in a nonexistent breeze. His entrances are hilariously overblown and erupted the entire theater into laughter. The Edward hallucinations are a waste of screen time, considering his lines of warning are delivered in a Stewart-esquire monotone and you can just tell that Pattinson is holding back an eye-roll. The lack of chemistry in Twilight translates very well into New Moon and caused me to look down at times out of sheer embarrassment. There is nothing more painful than hearing bad actors with an inability to make eye contact whisper "I love you" to one another.
Lautner, in all his lopsided-wig glory, seizes the opportunity to try and prove that his character is both better for Bella and better-acted. While it isn't a difficult task to one-up Pattinson's acting, Lautner gives too much of an effort and trips up the film's pace with his constant pauses.
For a film that is supposed to be about developing Jacob and introducing his wolfpack, they are not given even an adequate amount of screen time. Bella and Jacob spend a few minutes palling around in his garage before :BOOM:, he's ready to profess his love and she's biting her lip and calling him "sort of beautiful." Stewart once again fails to connect with a love interest, and I had a hard time understanding why these boring teenagers were friends, let alone potential lovers. The film did succeed, however, in that I found myself missing Edward. His makeup is horribly applied and he is filmed from the most unflattering angles, but I was still jonesing for an appearance after the parade of Mr. Universe wannabes.
Like in Twilight, the secondary characters outshine the amateurish leads. Michael Sheen (Aro) hams it up and looks to be the only person enjoying himself, while Dakota Fanning (Jane) puts in a bit appearance as a sadistic teen vamp whose attitude should connect well with the mostly youthful audience. Rachelle Lefevre (Victoria) is appropriately menacing and probably the best character, since she isn't stuck reciting any trite dialogue.
The Cullens are allotted token appearances this time around and show off their incredibly distracting contact lenses. Ashley Greene (Alice) is granted a larger presence during the last half hour of the film, though she sorely lacks whatever bit of talent she was able to squeeze out in Twilight. Greene overacts with gems like "I've never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy!" and merely watches with a blank expression as her brother gets tossed like a rag doll in Italy.
And speaking of that action sequence, it is one of the few entertaining scenes in this film. Weitz's directing seems off-kilter when not involving a motorcycle or fight scene, making his not-terribly-impressive action sequences much more preferable. The all-important cliff-diving scene is shrug-inducing, while the chase between Victoria and the wolves carries on a tad too long. Jane's mind torture and the fight between Edward and Felix (Daniel Cudmore), a Volturi minion, are noteworthy simply for the tortured faces that Pattinson puts on and thinks he can get away with.
There's very little praise that I can throw New Moon's way. I do thank Weitz for getting rid of the blue tint, and some of the scenic shots, most notably in Italy, are well-done. Alexandre Desplat's lush, romantic score would be a welcome addition to any other love story but is too sophisticated for this one. At times, it is overwrought and distracting, though considering the fact that the movie is a two-hour commercial for Ambien, perhaps a little drama isn't a bad thing.