Despite bright spots, it's downright terrible. It's time to get a new writer.

Rating: 3/10 (21 November 2009)

It's hard to believe only a year has gone by since the last Twilight film came out, which is weird, because this summer, I'll be saying something like, "it's hard to believe only a few months have gone by since the last Twilight film came out". This is the running joke throughout the entire film. Is Summit's fear of financial collapse so great that they feel they have to churn out these movies as fast as a printing press distributes newspaper? Or is it that they secretly don't have faith in the franchise's long term prospects, making their only blockbuster series unable to truly stand against the heavyweights like Harry, James, and Jack? Whatever the reason, the biggest problem with "New Moon" is how rushed it is. Strangely, I've got to hand it to Chris Weitz. Few directors could have handled the production schedule this film probably had, and he's managed to do a better job than his predecessor. That said, another reason I'll give Weitz credit for doing a job well done is his ability to handle what is easily the worst screenplay of the year. At least Street Fighter and Dragonball had heart. There's no passion. Almost every line is a false cliché, something that in the end makes the film one of the funniest of the year, and takes away from people that actually did well on the film.
Before I continue onto the bad, I'll state the good. As far as acting goes, it starts and ends with Taylor Lautner and Michael Sheen. Weitz did a great job as far as picking some crew members, but not all of them. For example, he pulled off a miracle when he got Alexandre Desplat to score this film, and Desplat's score does not disappoint. It out does the first film along with the cinematography, but that's where it stops.
I don't know what happened to Kristen Stewart's ability...I know it's there, but she simply just doesn't care, isn't trying, or is just flat out bored the entire film. I found myself begging her for expression, in between my laughter at almost everything the absurd character of Bella did. I found that one of the strengths of the first film, the slightly charismatic Robert Pattinson, isn't one anymore. His reduced screen time is not to blame, as Pattinson just lost all charm he had before, and he also forgot how to act. I liked Peter Facinelli and Ashley Greene, while Nikki Reed annoyed me. Anna Kendrick's role is still a scene stealer, while I had a hard time determining if Jamie Campbell Bower was a man or a woman, or if he could be any creepier if he tried.
The work of Michael Sheen and Taylor Lautner are two of five good things about this movie. Sheen delivers a delicious turn as Aro, and I enjoyed every minute he spent on screen. By far the best performance from any of the Twilight films. It was the perfect balance of slight scenery chewing mixed with a deliciously devious line delivery, reaffirming him as one of my favorite actors. Lautner is someone I've got to give credit to, mostly because he's not cringeworthy like Stewart and Pattinson (well, until he says a stupid line that's not his fault, but he played the character well), but the main reason that Lautner did a good job was because almost everyone I've talked to sided with his character and liked him better than the main characters. This is the mark of an actor playing a role well. Lautner's physical transformation is also quite impressive, as every female will have no problem saying.
I just can't get my head around how awful Rosenberg's script is. How anyone can include some of the lines that are in here is beyond me. Sure, some of them were probably from the book, but as a writer of film, you have to know what works and what doesn't work. Sure, New Moon has its intentionally funny moments that Weitz inserted to break the serious tone for a bit...But what Weitz and Rosenberg seem to have forgotten is this: because the film is so rushed, the dialog so cringeworthy, the visual effects so terrible, etcetera...New Moon ends up as a parody. The entire beginning of the film, and Jacob and Bella's friendship, plays out like an episode from an MTV reality show, providing laughs for even the most die hard fans of the series (I know this because the entire theater was cracking up whenever Bella would be sad or Jacob took his shirt off for whatever random pointless reason).
What's even more unsettling is the subliminal messages these films send...Bella is willing to give up her soul to be a vampire with Edward, which he refuses to oblige. How can Bella be the role model Meyer and Rosenberg obviously want her to be when she is literally the biggest pushover I've ever seen? Her character is so unbelievably flawed that it's next to impossible to root for her, and it's also next to impossible to see how two actual nice young men fall in love with her. She has no redeeming qualities, and only shows how easily persuaded a young girl is. To all the young girls reading this, it's fine to want an Edward or Jacob in your life, but it's entirely something else to want to "be like Bella".
So, in short, if you want to laugh, look no further than this "film". I honestly don't think the next movie will be worse than this one, because the crew would literally have to not film anything and sip margaritas on set for it to be worse...wait, actual footage of the crew sipping margaritas is probably better than this abomination of a film. The few bright spots are overshadowed by the terrible script, and the only guy I feel bad for at the end of the day is Weitz.