Thank God For True Blood & Supernatural - Boycott This Film & the Books

Rating: 1/10 (21 November 2009)

Whilst I do not begrudge Stephanie Meyer on her success with the Twilight series and the untold pots of money she's amassed; she's no J.K Rowling either. To quote one of her critics, Stephen King: "while both authors spoke to young readers, the real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good." I get the feeling Steph was a stay-at-home soccer mum, whose only boredom was to reinvent a genre. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to bring something different into Vampire folklore (as Joss Whedon did with Angel and Ron Koslow with Moonlight. Both vamps walked around in the day,whilst avoiding the sun; and displaying their fangs-for-all menace at night). Angel was in love with Buffy Summers, but their love was not cringe-inducing and much can be said for Mick "Moonlight" St.John and his passion for Beth Turner. Sadly, if Twilight was written in the 80s and turned into a movie in that period, we could have had a different story in the Romeo & Juliet vein (which was sadly alluded to in New Moon and possibly insulting to Shakespeare himself!) Bram Stoker said the inspiration for Dracula came to him after contracting VD, a BLOOD related disease. Does this mean that Steph Meyers happened to get inspiration from her menstrual cycle? So, what's wrong with the Twilight movies? First of all, why doesn't Edward Cullen possess fangs? Can a Twilight reader explain this to me? The notion of a veggie vampire isn't new and was seen in Supernatural's season two episode "Bloodlust" - (featuring Buffy Alumni, Amber Benson) as a vegetarian vampire with an impressive set of retractable fangs and a new craving for Cow blood. She was a badass girl and yet, you liked her nobility too. A very convincing storyline, thanks to the writers and actors of the show (Eric Kripke, you're God! Jensen & Jared, you two make Pattinson & Lautner look like real amateurs!)Steph Meyer has said on Oprah recently that she avoided horror stories and it seems she should have stayed away!
If you want decent, hardcore horror by a female author, look to Charlaine Harris and her Sookie Stackhouse girl, that inspired HBO's "True Blood", a sick, shocking and very funny vampire show with attitude. Tonight, I sat through New Moon, in a sea of giggling girls who just didn't know when to STFU! In fact, if Twilight was made as a comedy, it would actually work! Upon seeing Robert Pattinson as Edward, one girl shouted out: "Is that him? He's not all that!" I have to admit that was almost the highlight of sitting through the torture. I wanted to leave; but also remained seated to see if New Moon would conjure a surprise or two. Well, it did, most laughably that werewolves transformed in the daytime (the cute, cuddly, ferocious kind; not the tear-your-heart out muthas, mind you)and vampires going for long swims (WTF??)It even tries to be pop-culture clever in the form of Victoria, but the attempt was poor and looked smug and painful at the same time. Also, is Bella supposed to be a poor-girl's suppressed Goth? Watch Katie Holmes do a far better job in Disturbing Behaviour.
If you want wiseass remarks, look to Dean Winchester in Supernatural, the King as far as I'm concerned. Sadly, today's generation has no clue about anything, and the demographic for Twilight, clearly proves that. I miss the glory days of the 1980s, when films WERE films, and not concerned about "original" ways of enticing an audience. And how does someone like Chris Weitz go from directing American Pie to this???
If there are any redeeming qualities to Twilight, it's really underused actors like Billy Burke as Charlie Swan; Michael Sheen as Aro and Dakota Fanning as Jane. Michael's no stranger to the horror genre and cuts a convincing Lycan in the Underworld series. They could've given him fangs here, but guess they didn't want their audience to have nightmares (please!) Kristen Stewart is a good actress but struggles with the dialogue at times. Rob Pattinson (whose career will only last 2 more years)does a good American accent but is no Brad Pitt (who incidentally, played a great romantic fanged lead in Interview With The Vampire). The real horror here, is that Hollywood has been running out of ideas for years and this is the best source material they could find? Sit through and watch at your peril - and get the hell out while the screaming of prepubescent girls rings in your ears! You have been warned.