Lots of LOLZ. Where they weren't meant to be.

Rating: 3/10 (9 January 2010)

Oh, my WORD, the second installment of the Twilight series (the one in which Eddie C. leaves Wet Bella FOREVER and she then befriends Jacob Black). I had to laugh. It was ridiculous. Bella is a twit. Edward is an emo little-boy-old-man who needs to get over himself. The only characters I believed were Jacob, Alice and that very small appearance by Emmet.
The entire movie is filled up with soppy, sugary-sweet lines that absolutely no-one would ever say in real life, unless they were well-rehearsed wannabe goths. The (few) funny lines weren't actually amusing, and i found myself laughing at the unfunny parts, like when Belly-Welly cut her finger in the beginning, and when Edward wanted to kill himself by SHOWING OFF HIS NAKED TORSO!! (Which wouldn't have really worked, because due to older vampire folklore, vampires do NOT have sparkly skin, so people would be more likely to think he was being Vince Noir from The Mighty Boosh, or David Bowie.)
However, the movie is very pretty. there's LOTS of eye-candy (more ways than one!) and the forest is pretty. Also, I liked the cinematography; the movie was shot in a lovely artistic and clever way.
As usual, Kristen Stewart is wooden, and Robert Pattinson either looks like he has a hangover or is passing a rather large, painful stool.
It's even more ridiculous than the first. I have to rate it 3 stars: One for the werewolves, one for the visual beauty, and one for being full of LOLZ.