I expected bad, and got even worse

Rating: 1/10 (27 November 2009)

I'll be honest... I don't like the twilight saga, I think it's cheesy, unrealistic and completely anti-feminist. But even so, I could have appreciated the movie. I didn't. It's god awful! it hurts to see.
The story to begin with is bad, but that's on Stephanie Meyer, not the filmmakers. The directing, whatever, wasn't brilliant, but a little better than twilight... Now, the dialogues?!!!! Are you kidding me? Even if the actors were particularly good (which they're not... though I do like Kristen, she manages to make Bella's lack of personality shine through), they couldn't have done a good job with that! IT'S A MESS.. They were, by far, the most artificial conversations I've ever seen in a movie, nobody says things that (for lack of a better word) lame! Kristen and Lautner's first scenes, in the garage, were almost good, but then it all went south... The whole movie from beginning to end is an ode to over the top romance and emotionality. But the highlight, oh the highlight!, of the movie was without a doubt Alice's vision of Edward and Bella running in the woods... I mean COME ON! that's something you see in a movie for 5 year olds and even then it's joking! Does Robert Pattinson not know how to do any expression but the "I'm really sick of being with you all the time, gettoff, you smell" one? Oh, wait, eventually he smiles... People say he and Kristen have chemistry... I don't see it... at all!
I'm not even gonna start on the anti-feminist front... oh, wait I will... Can a girl be happy without a strong male figure in her life? No. Of course not? How could she? Without a man she's nothing... nothing! "It's my job to protect you Bella." Oh please, it's your job to be there, if there's such a thing as a "job" to be done (He's her boyfriend-it's love, a partnership of equals - not his bodyguard) ... He leaves, breaks her heart beyond repair, and she welcomes him back unconditionally? Oh get a grip girl...! If your boyfriend leaves, you deal with it, you don't go trying to see his face by killing yourself, you try to maintain your self--respect. Or is this movie supposed to show that when a woman's alone, she doesn't have reason for self-respect? What's this supposed to say to the millions of 13 y olds that worship the twilight saga? An abusive boyfriend is the best, and furthermore, if he leaves you crawl under a rock, because you're not worth a dime given the fact that he doesn't think you are...? Unrealistic not because of the werewolves/vampires... because NO one is like that... I mean no one. Like Bella, Edward, Carlisle, or even Jacob... NO ONE. And no one talks like that... those dialogues! Oh...! They give me the creeps just for being that bad...