too decently directed to be bad, too ham-fisted and stupid and vapid to be any good. an uncomfortable middle

Rating: 5/10 (6 July 2010)

Twilight: Eclispe, the third in the series, this time gets David Slade, formerly of flawed but still impressive outings Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night, at the helm of the vampire-werewolf-insipid-romance "saga" everyone loves to hate (or just hates to love I guess). And it turns out to be one of those rare cases where you watch a good director working a bad script. To face facts, all of the scripts- via the Meyer books- are terrible, hackneyed, trashy. The results this time are the "best" of the series, however technically- some decent action and a couple of well-acted and (perhaps from the director's input) well-written scenes. But the more it tries, the more it draws attention to how vapid and s*** the main characters are. I'm reminded of that scene in Annie Hall where Woody Allen goes up to the couple on the street and asks what they do to keep their relationship going: "Well, I'm shallow, and he's shallow, and we have nothing interesting to say." "Ah, so you've found something that works for you."
Why should anyone care about Bella? Perhaps cause she breathes, and has some thoughts, but what are her interests? What does she care about, aside from precious old-high-schooler Edward, or maybe 2nd-tier bare-shirted Jacob, or at the bottom of the rung her limp noodle father? If you had to ask what she was to someone who saw this movie, one might say indecisive, manipulative (or manipulated by proxy), and sees nothing ahead of the future. Perhaps she missed out on extra-curricular activities after school. But again, I kept trying to find something, anything, to latch on to to make me care what would happen to her, or what would happen with her and these two guys, who don't give her any great shakes either. That Kristen Stewart isn't a terrible actress (just, in general here, dull or annoying), makes more apparent how screwed up she is. But being screwed up doesn't always make one interesting.
Perhaps more interesting are the men in her life, but of course those are "Team" Edward and "Team" Jacob. This time the filmmakers do try to throw some in-jokes our way as it goes with them ("Where's his shirt?" asked by Edward is maybe too knowing, especially before more shirt-less happenings go on in the runtime), and there's actually a halfway nice scene (not great, just nice) where Eddie and Jakey have a heart to heart about how they really feel, what things might be like without what's-her-name screwing with them and them screwing her metaphorically back. But really, it's just more of the same, with a plot in the story that makes things all the more obnoxious on Bella's end. So many people end up dying, or turning into vampires and then dying or being killed, and all because Bella has to have her man. Looking at them, they're a little *too* Ossie and Harriet. The kind you can't stand.
Again, unlike with New Moon especially, Slade knows how to direct actors.... sometimes (Jackson Rathbone a MAJOR exception, being creepy like an incestuous love-spawn of Harpo Marx). And he knows how to even get some cool action going on, once or twice at least, such as in the big climax where the wolves, looking less ridiculous than the last film, attacking the 'bad' vampires out to get Bella. And he gets a fascinating flashback with one of the female Cullen vamps. But at the end of it all, is it worth it? Still, not really. If you're looking for a technically proficient and competent film that only some of the time has dialog making one laugh to oneself (or guffaw or belly laugh or LOL), then be my guest. But if you happen to be more like me, looking for the unintentional hilarity of teenage romance gone idiotic and morally questionable for young women in the guise of crappy vampires, you may be disappointed. The more Slade and company try, the more I just wish it were something else, like, for example, not this.