Just plain bad

Rating: 2/10 (29 May 2011)

I suppose I was naïve to think that this third installment of the Twilight cultural phenomenon would be any better or more interesting than the first two "films" in the series. To be honest, I watched this (and read the first three books) out of a sense of pop culture obligation—I do need to stay abreast of the popular trends in YA literature and culture. Sometimes that obligation is enjoyable and rewarding (e.g., the Harry Potter novels and films), and sometimes that obligation is an excruciating act of penance (e.g., any and all things Twilight). What can I say to express the profound artistic void that this film represents? That the acting is wooden and hammy? That the story is about as interesting as watching bread mold? That the script is amateurish and insipid? That the film looks as if it were shot in a teenager's basement and backyard? That the special effects are, in effect, anything but special? That the only thing worth looking at in this entire film is Taylor Lautner's bare torso? I shudder to think that the final installment of this series will be divided into two films. Please, have mercy and end this entire Twilight fiasco already.