This girl is the center of the world, isn't she?

Rating: 2/10 (13 July 2010)

I have watched all the movies and browsed through the books because I wanted to understand what it was all about before I said anything about this phenomenon.
Twilight was so bad, it was funny ("like diamonds!" - wow.) New Moon was extremely boring. Both were so flat, bad direction, bad acting, REALLY bad dialog. Along comes New Moon with slightly better acting, slightly better action but still unbelievably bad dialog. I guess that's impossible to avoid though, considering the abominable, cheesy books. Oh yes, Stephenie Meyer cannot write! Every single cliché expression is there.
So -- Eclipse. It all revolves around the girl's choice, which is about the most common situation teenagers find themselves in. The difference is that your average girl will not encounter the choice werewolf vs. vampire too often... Bella STILL can't make her mind up whether she loves E or J so she messes with their minds a little more. Which in teenage speak means: keep 'em in suspense 'cause they'll both love you more.
Actually, the entire saga has Bella at its center, which is artificial to say the least. Two amazing creatures competing for the affection of a dull teenage girl - but it doesn't stop here: every single awesome creature jumps in to save her life, while the bad guys form an entire army of vampires to get vengeance for something She, "the beautiful swan", triggered. Wow, talk about your implausible plot - even in the world of mythological creatures. Oh, and she helps in the fight by cutting her finger.
The army of newborn vampires is disappointing, they're supposed to be very strong but they can't take a hit. They can't smell the wolves either, which contradicts the whole strategy of "carry Bella so that your stench covers her scent." However the scenes in the city, when they attack and destroy, are almost cool.
Bella and Edward's conversations in the meadow are so boring. There's no chemistry, no voice modulation, no face expressions which are usually more than necessary in the heart- felt scenes.
The acting! yes, the acting:
It seems like everybody in the movies has a fair performance - Dakota Fanning is stunning, Charlie is nice and funny, papa Cullen and newborn Riley (hope I got the names right) are actually likable. Everybody except the main characters!!
Edward is supposed to be this unbelievably sexy, can't-keep-your-hands-off-him perfect hunk. Instead, Pattinson really looks terrible - and speaking of terrible, let's not forget his acting. He should be intriguing and mysterious but he just looks awkward and stiff, which leaves you wondering what you should find so irresistible about him. The make-up does not help, especially the lipstick, which is redder than Bella's.
Bella. Now, no matter how hard I try, I cannot like Kristen Stewart. In the immortal (ha) words of Lisa Simpson - she's wooden and unpleasant. That 'puzzled' look she keeps giving defines her as an actress, which is not a good sign. Also, she never closes her mouth. Who ever thought she could hold a leading role was probably drunk.
Jacob. His purpose in the movie is to keep his shirt off, period. Nothing else matters here - the bust, the pecks and the attempts to kiss Bella.
So what's so captivating about the Twilight series? The fact that any girl can think she's the center of the world, that she can have everyone at her feet, complying with her every whim - yeah, that's pretty appealing. It also "raises" egocentric and unbelievably exigent women. Let us not forget the kids who want to become vampires (which of course implies their believing such beings actually exist.)
Yes, Eclipse was bad, but not as bad as the previous two. I wonder whether I'll have the patience to see the other two coming our way...