Laughably Bad...Again

Rating: 2/10 (24 August 2016)

Twilight: Eclipse follows Bella as she tries to decide whether or not she wants to marry Edward, meanwhile dealing with the semi- aggressive feelings of Jacob. At the same time a mysterious army of vampires is forming and the Cullens must prepare to fight them off.
Similarly to New Moon, which I enjoyed, the writing is often so bad it's hilarious. Eclipse features plenty of said scenes that have become so iconic now in this series for me.
From time to time I was surprised to actually witness a decent scene in this movie. By that I mean some parts were actually kind of well- done. Some scenes ended and I thought "huh, that was actually kind of above average". Considering the quality of these movies haven't exceeded an average level yet, I was happy to see some things that didn't suck. While these moments were short-lived and often just barely above average (as in the difference between a 5/10 and 5.5/10 scene), they were an improvement. Who knows, maybe by the time I reach the last movie it'll actually be average.
Unlike New Moon, however, this movie's pacing went down. While it wasn't as boring as the first movie, it definitely had pacing issues. That's really the biggest thing that separates this movie from New Moon. New Moon managed to suck but be well-paced enough not to put me to sleep, but this one was, while still funny, much more boring.
As per usual, we get some 'excellent' performances from the cast. Kristen Stewart is worse than usual, Taylor Lautner is still garbage, and Robert Pattinson continues to be better than everyone else, if only by a little bit.
And again, as I've come to expect, the writing is putrid. Somehow more so than the previous movies, though. More stuff is rushed into with barely any development, and it makes me wonder why everyone cares so much or how they caught onto something as quickly as they did.
The special effects still suck. Not a lot to say about that.
Something I kind of hate about these world building movies is that the world is never completely built when the series starts. So the creator keeps making new stuff and making some new things more important than others. While in the first two movies we got very little about the anatomy of vampires, we saw it more here and it was so overused that it felt like a newly added part of the movies. While it still makes sense with the universe and everything it was just so thrust upon the audience with so much of it that it felt like the director was just making up new bullcrap and hoping we wouldn't notice.
Also, the fight. While some of it was somewhat entertaining, it was, for the most part, stupid. Somehow none of the main characters died, and only one got injured. And yet, every single opponent died. These opponents are supposed to be much stronger than the main characters. They actually state that their opponents are vastly stronger than them multiple times. But regardless, when you don't kill any main characters it does make the movie less intense and less realistic. I care less about the characters because I know nothing bad will actually happen to them.
Overall Twilight: Eclipse is, while fun at times, still absolute trash. It's massively flawed at every corner, but sometimes those flaws are funny. It's sort of like a turd with ice cream on top. It tastes like crap, but it's still ice cream and it's kind of funny to look at, similarly to New Moon. Only this time there's a really tired old tour guide trying to explain how the turd came to be in extensive detail. While it's kind of interesting in a weird way, it's still pretty boring. In the end I wouldn't recommend this movie. You'd be better off watching New Moon. Not only is it less boring, it's also funnier.