Just Say No

Rating: 1/10 (16 November 2012)

I've read the books... I've seen the movies. Some made me cringe (Twilight), others left me actually smiling when I left the theater (Eclipse & Breaking Dawn Part 1). However I've never seen a movie before that I felt so powerful about that I had to write a review until tonight, when I saw Breaking Dawn, Part 2.
Within the first 5 minutes of the movie, I asked my friend if we it was a joke and the real movie would soon begin and she assured me this was the actual movie. When she said that, I knew I was in for a long 2 hours.
There's no beating around the bush here - it was awful. So awful that I stayed through the credits {made absolutely amazing by "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri} because it signified the end of the worst lost opportunity I've even seen in a movie.
I know it's a sappy love story about a clumsy girl who falls in love with a misunderstood and soulfully tortured vampire while her best friend must watch from afar with only his rock hard abs to console him. But when Bella is turned into a vampire, there was an incredible opportunity for some amazing special effects. She's strong, beautiful, graceful and full of abilities she's never had before. She can cross miles in seconds, destroy trees with swipe of her hand and crush boulders with the touch of her finger. She has a cool ability too and so do all of her new friends. Unforuntaely the Bella we were treated to was equipped with absolutely none of these qualities.
Yes, she could run, in slow mode apparently meant to make her appear faster than light but only made me realize that I'd watched cartoons that looked more realistic. It was like watching two plastic dolls running through twigs and grass. She could scale a mountainside with ease but just ended up looking like a stilted animated toy being controlled by a 2 year old. She demonstrated her ability to crush a boulder, except the boulder was made out of paper. And while we're on the subject of the boulder, why in the world was Emmett's face so pale in this movie? It didn't even blend with the rest of his body and you could practically see the white line where his makeup ended. Actually, most of the actors had an overall plastic quality to their look, with the exception, of course, of Bella and the few chosen ones.
Then there's Renesemee. The young actress who played Renesemee, the child, was adorable. Since the character communicated mostly through touch, finding an actress who looked the part was very important. I felt this young lady was very close to Renesemee's description in the book, and I have to give her props for hanging in there. However the "baby Renesemee" just should have been left on the cutting room floor. It was such a poor simulation of a real baby that I blurted out "Are you kidding me" when I first saw it.
There were allot of "Are you kidding me" moments in this movie and this list is not all inclusive - it just contains what I haven't managed to purge from my memory yet: 1. Bella's awakening 2. Bella's first hunting trip 3. Baby Renesemee 4. The "boulder scene" 5. The Volturi (especially when Aro squealed in delight over Renesemee) 6. Bella's "shield" 7. The fight scenes (pick one, any one... really it's no contest – I've seen more suspense and horror on daytime soap operas back in the 80's) 8. The be-headings – nope, you can't call those be-headings. It was more like pulling the head off your baby doll. No muss, no fuss.
But wait... there's more. I think there were actors who didn't utter a single word. They just conveyed their strength and power through laughable makeup, bulging, glaring eyes made cartoonish through the use of contacts, heavy mascara and lots of eyeliner or by sneering with blood red lips. But they were the luck ones. Other actors had actual lines, even if it was just one word.
I know, I paid to see this movie. And I paid for what I had hoped would be at least worth the $20 I shelled out, including popcorn and coke so it was a relatively cheap date. But really.. This didn't even come close to being worth the money I spent.
Knowing this franchise has a large fan base, there has to have been quite a large amount of money generated from the books, movies, accessories, etc. But you did not see any of that money invested in this movie. It was cheaply made, poorly acted and I'm still in shock that this was the final cut.
Now, I admit I liked the twist they put in to justify the fighting scene. The audience's reaction to how the scene ended had me exclaiming "Are you kidding me?" again. I can't remember if this scene was part of the book or not, however my daughter is adamant that it was not. I thought it added a better alternative to just watching everyone try to glare each other to death. On second thought, if they had just glared at each other the movie would have ended sooner so maybe not....
So save yourself the money and lost time. Grab your kid's plastic dolls, go in the back yard and pretend like the dolls are running around. Add some grunts, mumbling and high pitched squeals (just for the audience's reaction to Jacob's undressing scene) and you've made a better movie than what you would have seen.
Just call me disappointed in the south.... I'll watch some TV instead. At least then I'm guaranteed I can find some quality entertainment (Thanks AMC, TNT and USA).