Run away

Rating: 2/10 (25 November 2012)

I am usually not one to hate on movies too much. I have seen the other 4 of the films in this series. I did not read any of the books. The other films were intriguing. They were entertaining enough. Not that I care all that much, but this finale was not the ending even the most passive of Twilight followers (me) could hope for. For four films, the story just hinted, just toed the line of complete ridiculous stupidity. The wolves that first appeared in New Moon. That was tough. I laughed inside. But I got over it and enjoyed the rest of the films. The wolves arguing with each other though mindspeak in B.D. Part One--again, tough. Again, Twilight almost lost me, but I hung on. Then, as has been the tradition with all of the others in this series, I'm out of town, in a small town, a (way) secondary movie market and it's one of 3 films showing and there's nothing else to do. Bond, Legend of the Guardians, and Twilight. Already saw Bond. No brainer, right? Anyone see Legend of the Guardians? Do I wish we'd gone to that one instead. But we didn't. So anyway there we were. Part Dos. Nice opening credits sequence (seriously. it was good work). Bella Swan (seriously, going way back to the first Twilight, that's her name. Bella Swan) is now a vampire. She's a "newborn" though, which we learned in Eclipse meant that she would have difficulty controlling her thirst for mortal blood. Being a newborn means was also stronger than mature vampires. She and Edward, a weaker, mature vampire, have a daughter. A half human daughter named, eh, Renesmee (another shaky moment from B.D. Uno). She's half mortal. Oh God Bella might eat her! Seriously! The movie spends time on this issue for all of two minutes. the whole newborn storyline comes and goes in 3 minutes. I don't know how much of this territory Stephanie Meyer covered in the book but--this is rich ground to mine. Spend some time there! Spend a whole movie there! Instead we move on to the 'evil' vampires, the Vulturi, and their mistaken impression that Renesmee is a baby vampire (even worse than a newborn), an immortal, which breaks all existing vampire codes on the books. She must be destroyed immediately. The Cullen family must gather together an international coalition of vampires, summoned from the ends of the earth, to attest to Renesmee's mortality, and therefore, innocence. Many vampires from different cultures come to town--France, an unnamed middle eastern nation, U.K. Oh and the Amazons. Tall women dressed in tribal attire who understand English. You know, Amazons. You mean there really are tall warrior women living deep in the jungles of South America? Oh yes and they even wear face paint. And know English. (crickets chirping) And we're done. I did sit through the rest of the movie and found out that another missing link was found--again deep in the Amazon rain forest, again, perfect English, who was half mortal, half immortal. Before we got to that though, there was this protracted sequence of completely bloodless fighting, mauling, beheading, and severed head burning. A squandered opportunity to redeem the movie slightly and actually kill off a main character or two, seeing as the entire thing ends up just being a vision anyway. Oh and Bella's father--STILL doesn't know she's a vampire. I'd ask for another film for all this stuff to be worked out but I'd be afraid of what we'd get.