Part 2 part 1

Rating: Null/10 (16 November 2012)

In view of the fact that the last Twiglet book has been split into two films, my review of the last Twiglet film is also going to be split in two. I was minded to do this after coming out of the cinema yesterday, and seeing all the little Twigleteers enduring the 4 movie retrospective marathon leading up to the midnight showing of Twiglet: Breaking Wind part 2. The first part of my review therefore chronicles my expectations before actually seeing it: I will add part 2 once I have seen it. I am hoping it will answer the many questions which are churning round, unanswered from the previous movie.
Will Edward Sullen's eyebrows revert to normal or will they remain Spocklike to the very end?
Will Kirsten Sulk smile at any point?
Will Taylor Lautner become less wooden than a storefront wooden Indian?
Will Renesmee grow to adulthood quickly enough to make her own decisions and decide to change that ridiculous name?
Will any sense of reason ever appear behind the Vampire High Command's arbitrary set of rules?
Will Michael Sheen continue to be the only watchable actor due to his glee at camping it up?
Will Dakota Fanning rescue the part of her reputation she lost by being so poor in the last one?
Will the "vampires" become proper vampires or remain glittery daylight bloodsuckers?
Will there ever be any substance at all to any of this, or will it remain drippy trivial wish fulfilment fantasy for impressionable teenage girls to the bitter end?
Will Stephenie Meyer continue laughing all the way to the bank?
Will these questions be answered in the second part of my review of: Twiglet: Breaking Wind part 2!!!
Part 2:
Being bitten and vampirised at the point of death brings sulky Bella some red contact lenses, eyeshadow and false eyelashes, and the ability to jump off waterfalls. It also brings half human/half vampire creepy CGI-face offspring Renesmee to the attention of the vampire high command, who plan to use her to exterminate the Cullens. While the boss vampires (who put them in charge anyway?) hurry along to this showdown (on foot, from Italy to Canada), the Cullens recruit allies from around the world. A showdown ensues.
Keen readers of my reviews of the Twiglet movies (such readers being almost as numerous, no doubt, as Twigleteers themselves) will probably have come to the conclusion that my opinion of these films is fairly low. To put it bluntly, I think they are boring, soppy, meretricious rubbish. So it is with considerable surprise that I find myself saying that Breaking Wind part 2 is really good.
The main reason for this is that it isn't really a Twiglet movie, it's actually a superhero movie with a terrific superhero battle at the end. The tiresome soppiness between the two main characters is more or less over, apart from a couple of tedious but mercifully brief montages: this film concentrates on Bella coming to terms with the powers which come with vampirism (vampire boot camp, if you will), plot development, and action. And the "have your cake and eat it" ending actually works well.
There are flaws, the worst of which is the tendency for important plot points to arrive just before they are needed. Like Jacob's imprinting with Renesmee in the previous film, the fact that each vampire has a different power really should have been introduced several films ago: the fact that you learn it just before those powers are needed for the final battle reeks of making it up as you go along, and is evidence of poor writing (whether in the original material or the adaptation, I cannot say). And the best line in the film, concerning Jacob's pet name for Renesmee, should have been played for laughs, but is played deadly serious.
Michael Sheen is, again, by far the most entertaining performer.
If they were to put the key plot events of the previous 4 movies into an opening "story so far" crawl, Star Wars-style, you could dump the other 4 movies and this would be a fine stand-alone experience.