"Why can't you see how perfectly happy I am?" Gee, maybe because the only expression your face is capable of is:Hey look at me, I'm Bella's face!!

Rating: 6/10 (8 August 2014)

Okay, so after quite a while between the movies I once again tentatively stepped into the world of Twilight, an unnervingly fake world, haunted by the soulless eyes of the damned... Nah, they're really not all that bad! I mean they're definitely far from good, but not absolutely awful and in my opinion not quite the apocalyptic motion picture triumphs of arrogance and self-absorption they're made out to be. I think a lot of people hate these so much because much like(totally unwarranted!) Howard the Duck, they're popular to hate. They're indeed freaking beyond pretentious and shallow, but they're also harmless and stupid, and a lot of fun to rag on. I rather enjoy their lousiness, they are very amusing! Like let's talk about the main heroine for a second, a major character whom I have not grown to like or give a crap about in four movies and counting.. There's nothing wrong with Bella, but what's right with her!? She's just constantly creating conflict with her mere presence and keeps playing the two guys off against each other, and why does she have to look so sad and disturbed all the time, even after she's just gotten married to the one she's supposed to love and they're driving away? She's so ridiculous, I do get that the character's meant to be awkward and a little strange, like perhaps she already has a little something supernatural in her somewhere, and I've heard one idiotic theory that she's supposed to be a sort of blank so that girls can imagine themselves in her shoes or something and that's cool, but I've seen other performances from actors who were playing it distant, cold and/or aloof who still managed to instill a little of their own personality into the role that made you care for them in some small way, or at least understand why they are how they are or do what they do, but I guess Kristen Stewart was too cool to bother with anything like that.. Gah, the bitch was wrong for the part! A damn piece of lumber would have made a better lead! I think it's her that really hurts this franchise the most. And Taylor Lautner is such an unremitting tool of a pathetic actor..and ugly, got a weird full-scale dwarf thing going on there.. He no good, no good at all! only thing that gets him by is that six-pack! I hope his career died with these films. And then there was that Edward, he was the same as always, so devoted, so bloated with misery and pathos, always holding himself with such ceaseless funereal leadenness. I like Ed, I think it's a good performance and he created a pretty interesting character. I really enjoyed the early flashback sequence that reveals some of his past, I always find that kind of stuff to be fairly cool in these films. And I liked when the wolves who I guess were the antagonists this time around, pull an Otis and Milo and talk to each other psychically, regarding what's to be done about a certain impending birth, quite a rousing scene. They never do quite get the CGI to look right on those things.. I also loved when they made Bella look all miserable and skinny like a crack addict, the visual effects of her deterioration were astonishing. I appreciated how they handled Bella becoming a vampire, I found it less disturbing there being no other choice to save her life, rather than it being him biting her neck in yet another romantic scene with the annoying music playing which wouldn't have felt right to me, as she was now 'technically' no longer alive and was a bloodless she-thing of the night. But hey, how was she all that different or worse-off than she was before? I enjoyed this one about the same as all the others, I have actually grown to somewhat like this universe and care a little about how it's all gonna turn out, but they never really change or evolve at all, it's just the same thing over and over, it always boils down to vampires against werewolves and the boring girl in the middle, whoever wins I'm vacuously thrilled and entertained. The biggest problem of this one for me was that although it had a plot, there was no story, and what little there was felt noticeably stretched-out to a crazy degree! They get married and have their honeymoon for a good forty+ minutes, she somehow gets pregnant and the magic accelerated birth causes her to slowly die, there's a lot of werewolf politics as the fuzzy-wuzzies for some reason fear the unnatural child and want to kill it even if they have to kill Bella in the process, there's oodles of the usual mundane talking with the three semi-developed characters, the lycanthropes and bloodsuckers have a little skirmish, the baby is born, but to save her life Edward has to transform Bella into a vampire, she awakens, pointless but awesome cameo of the evil vampire elders - that's it! That was quite the cliffhanger of an image to go out on, and a very nice change to the typical flowery scene of nauseating beautified bliss. So all in all, although to me like the rest it fails deliver satisfactorily in the end, the process getting there is a genuinely entertaining one. Bring on the Dawn...I look forward to it.