What the bloody hell did I just watch?

Rating: 2/10 (8 December 2011)

The films starts with the wedding invitations, progresses to the wedding itself, after which (skeleton) Stewart and Patterson ('The Hair') will go on a honeymoon, where Stewart will get pregnant, and she eventually almost dies. That's it. Two hours, and that's it. After the first part I've found myself thinking that it wasn't as boring as I expected it to be, in all honesty. But then I thought about it, and realized it's just like going to McD or BK (or any places like this). You go there because you fancy a hamburger or cheeseburger, take your pick. While you're eating it, you think it's not bad, but afterwards you're wondering, what was it that I ate? What is that hamburger made of, and that cheese tasted like garbage... It's exactly the same with this film. You watch it because you fancy a nice, emotional, non-intellectual random film. Afterwards, you'll find yourself thinking: what the *** was this? The first hour mainly contained Stewart and Patterson making out, and making out, and making out even more! Not even at the wedding Stewart looked happy, nor at the honeymoon. I was disappointed by the cheekiness of the film, especially the first half. It was so bad! Seriously, take a bowl, you're going to puke. And not because of the amount of blood, because frankly it's hardly there. The second part,I admit was slightly better. Lautner was also disappointing to me, though, his acting doesn't come through to me. It just stays on the screen. The wolf part was actually quite cool, where Lautner would stand up for Stewart and her child, and when he could hear voices. But the vampires fighting with the wolves? Not so much, I found myself thinking: whatever. Seriously. Awkward when Patterson realized that Lautner had imprinted on his daughter. If I were a father, I'd freak out. Honestly, he fell in love with Stewart, who is his age, and then falls in love with her daughter? I wouldn't sound cool. At all. The best part was the transformation. How on the outside, she lookes dead, and the shots from her veins, where you see the venom spread, is very well done. Well done, Condon, I knew you had it in you. Please, show more of your incredible director skills in the next part. Frankly, you can do so much better than this.