Horror Films Are Less Misogynist Than This Nightmare

Rating: 1/10 (26 November 2011)

I wasted a free pass on this? Ugh.
Grindhouse movies are more respectful to women than this franchise.
At least the first one was interesting in the way first crushes are interesting. And though a Lifetime movie has more to offer than Twilight, Breaking Dawn made the first of the franchise look like the Godfather in comparison.
In a nutshell: Bella and Edward get married; Bella and Edward go to Rio and then some island to have incredibly tepid, PG-13 sex; Bella is happy, but Edward is brooding because she's bruised; they play chess; Bella learns she's pregnant. Bella loses a comical amount of weight until she learns to drink blood. Jacob is sad; Jacob is angry; Jacob is sad again. Then we get to one of the most horrifying birth scenes in modern history. Bella almost dies, but is saved by Edward's
love venom.
To be fair, the movie had terrible source material. And if the director had made it interesting, the teens would have flipped out for deviating from the EPIC LOVE SAGA. But to make matters worse, no one in the cast can act... or if they can act, they're holding back so they don't overshadow Kristen's mumbling. (Except for the dad, he is very convincing as a concerned dad. Good job, dad.)
But the bad script and the bad acting and the graphic violence aren't even the problem. You can have all these things and still get a semi-entertaining movie. It's the pacing. There is NO REASON for this movie to be split in two, and the way the movie stalls and dawdles on a super anorexic/pregnant (CGI) Bella or (CGI) wolves talking to each other in a lumber yard is a waste of film and generally irritating. The book speeds up after she's changed and there's no reason why they couldn't have added 45 minutes so everyone can watch her sparkle and hunt and argue with the Volteri and have sparkle vampire baby-free sex so we can be done with this.