The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)

Rating: 1/10 (29 January 2012)

I hate Twilight a lot. But nobody can say I am unfair towards it. The third film was actually entertaining and less infuriating. Breaking Dawn Part 1, is different altogether. It is just a horrible product shoved out with no regard for its audience. Bella and Edward get married and go on honeymoon, this last for over an hour. She gets pregnant, which shouldn't be able to happen, and some potentially evil demon baby is sucking the life from her. The films biggest crime is that nothing happens for so long. This series has had a tendency to drag on and on. With New Moon seeming totally unnecessary. What happens here, is that we get one book split into two films. This film has about 30 minutes of material in it. Characters have the same conversations they've had a thousand times before, with nobody evolving. Bella and Edward feel the same way they've always felt, as does Jacob. The sex scene is embarrassingly juvenile, with a quick cut to something from a parody. The film doesn't let up in the absurdity department, as some animated wolves have a conversation with each other, but with mindless growling and dialog, it sounds terrible. What any other film would have shortened into a montage is played out to a variety of banal songs that all sound the same. Finally we get towards the end and the graphic, grotesque birth scene is barely shown at all. It leaves us with a finale in which a wolf "imprints" himself onto a newborn baby in a scene more disturbing than anything The Human Centipede could muster. If you like characters that whine about everything, actors that have no emotional range, and watching slideshows of other people's honeymoons, then you may enjoy this laughable effort.