I'm sick of reality TV. And transvestites.

Rating: Null/10 (25 October 2004)

If everyone has 15 minutes of fame then Truman Burbank has unfairly taken most of mine. He's on TV 24/7 but I think it's waste of time and I could do a better job. If the BBC gave me a video camera I could make them a much better reality show that'd get top ratings. There's this women only gym near one of the industrial estates and if I climb up some of the builders scaffolding I can film the women getting changed.
Do I get a response from the BBC about this idea? Do I hell? I swear that Nicole Kidman must work in their post room or something. People complain that there are not enough women running major companies, but Kidman couldn't even respond to one letter that I sent her. NOT ONE! So if she's typical of most women then it's probably because they don't send back their job application forms! Stand up for yourselves and be counted women! Don't be like Nicole Kidman!
Anyway the film stars Jim Carey as the hero of the story who doesn't realize he's being filmed. Some people say that's a bit far fetched, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to film people without them knowing. Truman lives this ideal life, however deep down he's sad because he wants to do so much more. He wants to travel and go places, but he's afraid of water and lives on an island, which is a bit dumb. Not as dumb as the Brody family in the 'Jaws' films though. Oh man, were they stupid? They were like a bearded version of the Brady Bunch, but with a much lower IQ. People watch the Truman show all the time, even when he's sleeping and he's quite a celebrity, ignorant to the fact he's the most famous man on the planet.
Luckily they couldn't secretly video me because I do stuff that 'makes baby Jesus cry', according to my mum, who blamed it on the 'Erotic Witch Project'. I don't make Jesus cry THAT much though so there'd still be time to check me out doing cool things, like climbing over my neighbors fence and pretending to be dead. That's always funny! It's really funny when I get up and pretend to be like one of the zombies in 'Dawn of the Dead' and try to break into their house. I normally only do it when the husband is away on business though as he doesn't laugh and scream hysterically like his wife does. She mostly screams rather than laughs though. But they'll be moving house soon, so I guess I'll have to stop doing it. They only moved in 3 months ago, which is a shame, because I thought we were really getting along well and having a laugh. The funniest time was when I hid in the boot of the wife's car. That was really funny!
As with filming people secretly in real life, Truman gets suspicious and starts trying to avoid the cameras. He doesn't shriek or scream or call one of the shop assistants over to the changing rooms like people do in real life, but instead tries to outsmart the whole production company, which he does. Obviously that leads to the end of the whole TV series. If I were watching his show I'd be like 'Oh thank god that's over with! That was such a dull program.' and providing that they didn't put snooker on instead I'd be happy.
I really don't like snooker it's the world's worst sport.
Neonsamurai film rating for snooker: Code Alpha Foxtrot Tango