This movie is total garbage

Rating: 2/10 (19 October 2002)

Few films bring to mind gold standard by which all bad movies are measured. The gold standard? Dante's Peak, of course. That film demonstrated a total lack or respect for the viewer, not only offending through a total swiss cheese plot, but also by blowing all sense of reality through the window. The Transporter is in this category of poor films. The first 15 minutes actually lulled me into a false sense of happy expectation. Yes, it was ripped off of Ronin, but a good car chase is still a good car chase.
Once the car chase stopped, though, the crap began. I think that there was a plot somewhere in the movie, but I can't be entirely sure since they dropped what felt like plot elements in every 20 minutes or so and never really explained them. I doubt it was a very good plot anyway, you don't hide plots that are sound between useless action sequences. That's ok, though, it's hard to care about a plot when you can't find anyone in the film to sympathize with. The Transoporter was a hollow and emotionless character, first not really caring about the woman in the trunk and suddenly lusting for her, after several times declaring she is nothing but problematic. Oh, yeah, I can see why he's ex-military since he puts a loose rope around her neck and lets her go out of sight to pee. Hey, guess what, not exactly razor sharp military intelligence there, pal.
Then there's Chinese girl. She's a whore, and not exactly sure where her allegiances lie. At one point, she could saver the Transporter from a problematuic situation, but chooses instead to just look dumb. She jumps into bed with the Transporter ten minutes after meeting him, and doesn't exactly have a very clear picture of how she sees her father. Anyhow, it might actually be worth seeing this at some point. I have no doubt it will make every movie you've ever thought was bad seem that much better, as this is truly a Batman & Robin level piece of trash.