Just because it looks pretty, doesn't mean it ain't ugly.

Rating: 2/10 (20 December 2003)

SOME SPOILERS
Ten minutes into `The Transporter' you feel like you're viewing what will become one of the greatest action packed, blockbuster, car chase'um films of all time. By minute eleven, you're left wondering if you're even watching the same movie.
I've never, in all my days viewing movies, going out on dates and getting prostate exams, experienced something turning so sour, so quickly. The sudden and alarmingly abrupt change of style and pace of the film almost makes me question if there were original filmmakers (obviously harden vets of the action movie genre, who's craft has been molded and fine tune through years and years) who were fired halfway through production and replaced with some random crew members pot head teenage son and his bong hitting cronies. The movie is a plunge into stupidity in every way fathomable, with some of the worst written dialogue ever to be penned. Such is the case when the evil villain of the story is killed, only to have his hostage daughter pipe up in big, teary, dough eyes `He was a bastard.but he was still my father.'
The film picks up for a brief, shining moment about two thirds into it with a extremely well filmed and choreographed fight scene that has the hired-driver-hero fighting off thugs as he's drenched in oil or some other brown liquid. I should have left the theater on a high note at this point but instead remained for the rest, only to have it fall back into the poorly written, style over substance waste of two hours that it was.