Absolutely bloody hilarious - a hoot from start to finish..............

Rating: 6/10 (6 September 2007)

Presumably M.Besson produced "The Transporter" between two more pressing engagements.Indeed one might be forgiven for thinking that "produced" might be too strong a word.For this is a film that has run amok.I lost count of the number of "hommages"up on the screen to such an extent that it seemed one long "hommage" to dozens of infinitely better movies. To get to the particular rather than the general,the hero is a narcissistic criminal of indeterminate origin whose desire for anonymity is so strong that he leaves a box of snapshots and souvenirs on top of a cupboard.He is a man so unthinkably stupid that he uses his own car when hired as a getaway driver in a bank robbery.His sole attempt at concealing its identity consists of fitting revolving number plates,a device James Bond was using forty years ago.Duh......I think the Old Bill have rumbled that one son.For some reason not made clear he has a laissez - faire relationship with the local flic that is almost oedipal.He drives a black and shiny BMW penis - symbol with fine disregard for other road users and clearly needs a refreshment course on the Highway Code.He has - and you could have knocked me down with a rolled - up copy of "Soldier of Fortune" - a background in the military.And just in case you thought he was a clerk in the NAAFI there's a medal thrown carelessly in his ditty box.He is played by Mr J.Statham in a particularly tight - fighting suit.He is a man so vain as to be unable to resist gazing lovingly at his own image in every reflective surface he comes across.Presumably Mr Statham wishes to assume the mantle of Mr S.Seagal in the comedy action hero stakes,but I must say he has a lot of ground to make up.He is not as funny,neither does he display Mr Seagal's sang froid in dispensing mayhem.Mr Statham wrinkles his brow a lot to signify thought,something Mr Seagal never has to do.I am not entirely sure what accent Mr Statham attempts to assume,he appears to be a little confused himself at times,veering between Bob Hoskins and Joe Pesci in random fashion.To be fair to him he has very little to work with,he might as well be playing the tooth fairy for all the basis his character has in reality. There is a nice line in product placement,if I was considering doing a blag,for instance,I'd give serious consideration to big Beamer after watching this.And if I had shares in "Orangina" I would be well pleased. Mr Statham was prominent in "Lock,stock and two smoking barrels".I suspect "The Transporter" will appeal to the same audience of mainly lager - swilling wannabe geezers who will sit in front of their tvs burping happily trying not to knock their cans of Carling over as they reach for their Naan bread and Lamb Tikka.