There's nothing great or even remotely impressive about it....

Rating: 1/10 (9 November 2005)

I can't say it any other way; The Transporter is a steaming pile of celluloid ****. I watched it once and hated it. I only watched it again because other people saw some value in it, so I figured I must've missed something. It turns out, I'm not the problem here at all. It's the film that is lacking.
The action is pretty much the same stuff you've seen in countless Jet Li movies, only crappy. The Car chases were forgettable. The only sequence that stands out is the Raiders of the Lost Ark rip-off. Statham is not a martial artist, and even an untrained eye can see that in the ho-hum choreography. From the martial arts angle, this movie would do well to come up short. Hell, the only way it could be seen as impressive or exciting is if you had never seen another martial arts sequence. That, or you've only seen American martial arts films from the 80's...
The plot....is nonexistent. There are so many plot holes that is should be considered disgusting, but so many people make excuses for crap like this. *sigh* And stunt performers wonder why they don't get the respect they deserve...Bare in mind, by applauding mediocre crap like this (just as an example), YOU DON'T HELP!!!!! For crying out loud, the central twist in the plot (if you can call it that) has no justification. Why was Lai in the duffel bag? It's never clear to the viewer, and no explanation makes sense. There's nothing she could do to effect the situation besides bitch about it, and frankly any other rationalization would be drawing at straws. If you've got one, I'd like to hear it. However, every explanation I've heard so far has been a complete load of crap. So wow me. While you're at it, tell me why Frank went against his own rules to help a person that he couldn't have known was in the bag in the first place. All he saw was the bag moving, no sounds of any kind. For all he knew, that was a bag of rabid squirrels. I know the movie needed an excuse to get the ball rolling, but don't insult us...
Aside from other ridiculous points in the films (like the convenient open space on the truck at the beginning of the movie), look out for the first squabble Frank and "Wall Street" have. After Frank is knocked to the ground, the stock villain "Wall Street" says to his henchmen; "Keep him alive..." The only sensible question to ask at this point is "For WHAT?!!?!?!?" Skip this unless you hate yourself...