Offensively awful in nearly every aspect

Rating: 1/10 (15 January 1999)

Of all the films I have ever seen, good or awful, this is the first I have ever walked out on (over two hours into the movie; don't think I didn't see enough). There was no facet of this movie that was not offensively bad. From the hideously slow pacing, to the ineffective cinematography and cheap effects, through the poorly written characters (don't try to tell them apart, because it shows through that even the writers couldn't), and especially the sophomoric political statement it tries to push on the audience--this was the worst movie I've ever suffered through.
Expect to be flooded with Raising Arizona-like narration; flowery yet shallow, and delivered in a hick accent. Be prepared to see about 1.5 hours of mostly unrelated footage. Don't expect to remember any of the characters' names--they're not memorable enough to find a home in your head.
And, to me, worst of all, be ready to sit through a movie whose core message is that war makes you evil; that war made our soldiers evil. The theme is repeated over and over (in hick voices), with unending "feely" scenes of watching soldiers looking at the destruction they've caused and wishing there were some flowers to pick instead. I am not right-wing or militaristic in any way, but I respect my country and the veterans who have defended it enough to abhor this film.
If you feel an urge to see a war film, let me guide you happily to Saving Private Ryan (but go in with a settled stomach if you're easily disturbed!). But whatever you do, avoid "The Thin Red Line."