The bestworst goodbad movie of 2004

Rating: Null/10 (25 November 2004)

Steven Spielberg's THE TERMINAL is a sweet, annoying, well-performed, over-long, heartwarming, schmaltzy, charming, sugary, cute mess. As you can probably tell, I'm pretty torn about what to think of it. While most of my adjectives about sound like contradictions, anyone who's seen the film will know that they're all pretty accurate. And it's not like it's alternating, like it's sweet, then annoying. No, it's all these things at the same time.
The film is about Victor Navorsky (Tom Hanks), an immigrant from the fictional nation of Krakhozia. During his flight to America, his country went to war, and a military coup left the nation unrecognized by the United States. So, as the smug customs agent who greets Navorsky (Stanley Tucci) explains, Victor is without a country. So, technically, they can't issue him a Visa, so he can't go into New York. They also can't deport him. So, Victor is stuck in the terminal indefinitely. He fashions a bed out of two rows of those nasty padded airport chairs, makes money for food by returning luggage carts for quarters, and learns to speak English through magazines. In the meantime, he makes friends with some of the janitorial staff, including Joe (Chi McBride), Enrique (Diego Luna), and Gupta (Kumar Pallana), and falls in love with the stewardess Amelia (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Victor eventually lands a contracting job at the airport, where he makes $19 and hour, under the table. Tucci, meanwhile, tries to encourage Victor to leave the airport, so that he's America's problem, and not his. For unknown reasons, Victor stays behind. For nine months.
I don't find the premise entirely unbelievable. This is actually based on a true story, and the real guy allegedly lived in the airport for 17 years. That's not the problem I have. The problem comes with well, everything else and nothing else.
Let's start with the performances, particularly Hanks. At first, hearing him speak broken English or some ridiculous made-up language that sounds like drunken mumbling is annoying. Eventually, we get used to it and can appreciate the subtleties of his performance. We get to like Victor, but from there, more problems arise. Why doesn't he just leave the terminal? He's given every opportunity, told that he will not be penalized for leaving, and yet he stays behind. Why? It's never explained. Next, Tucci's bureaucratic villain. Again, the performance is competent, but we don't really know what motivates him. Why would he want to expedite someone from the airport so badly, when he's not causing a problem? For example, when he learns that Victor is returning carts for quarters, he hires somebody to put the carts away instead. So now, Victor is still stuck in the airport, but he can't eat. What purpose does this serve? On to Catherine Zeta-Jones, who, again, gives a good performance, but her character is obnoxious. She's whiny, she's needy, she's clearly using Victor, but for what, we don't know. Companionship? A shoulder to cry on? When the romance between them doesn't pan out, we don't really care, because we like Victor, not Amelia, and we're sure he can do better.
There are problems with tone, as well. The whole ordeal is very muted, until the last third of the movie, where Victor becomes a sort of airport folk hero and all the food court employees rally to his aid. I liked it better early on, when we're left to just observe Victor. Hanks proved in CAST AWAY that he can carry a film on his own, without any subplots or arbitrary supporting characters. This one throws too much at us. The subplot about Enrique and a beautiful customs agent (Zoe Saldana) falls completely flat on it's face. Are we really supposed to believe that a woman could fall in love with someone she's never met, all because some cryptic messages are delivered to her in fragmented English by a middle-aged man who lives at the airport? I suppose the message is about love at first site, but love at first, 'What you do, in free time?' I highly doubt it. Then there's Gupta, who seems to be the comic relief but isn't funny.
There were several moments that made me smile. I liked Victor's explanation for being in New York, and I liked the scene where Hanks translated for a desperate immigrant trying to get medicine back to his dying father. But the whole thing is so sloppy thrown together, so manipulative and inconsistent, that I can't help but bunch it with 1941 and THE LOST WORLD as one of Spielberg's costly misses.