When Spielberg Is Bad He's Very Bad...

Rating: 4/10 (11 July 2004)

THE TERMINAL (2 outta 5 stars)
Wow... when Spielberg goes wrong, he *really* goes wrong. I just found this whole film so artificial and unconvincing and uninspired. None of the supporting characters (neither their dialogue nor their actions) seem even the slightest bit real. Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to be a "modern day fairy tale"... well, even fairy tales need to have people in them... and not these fake representations of humanity. It's like that stupid boy with the fishing pole in that annoying Dreamworks logo... it's a fake, idealized image of some kind of movieland childhood that never did exist in the real world. I think this movie would have been a lot better if it wasn't being so "cute" all the time. The best scene is one where the head of airport security (Stanley Tucci) has to come to Tom Hanks' "man without a country" to help him translate for a crazed, knife-wielding foreigner. I think the relationship between Hanks and Tucci needed to be a lot more adversarial to make the movie work. Mostly, it's on the level of Hogan against Col. Klink in the old "Hogan's Heroes" shows. Tucci's character is merely dislikable when he should be despised. And Catherine Zeta-Jones? What kind of fake, ludicrous, nonsensical hook-up is this? What could anyone possibly see in this neurotic adulteress? And why, oh why, do all Spielberg's latest movies have to keep going on and on after the perfect fade-out moment? Well, at least this one only goes on ten minutes too long... unlike Minority Report and A-I which went on for at least a half hour than they should have.