The hills *cough* are alive *swallow* with the *splutter*

Rating: Null/10 (29 July 2000)

This film has had an indelible impact on popular culture. How do I know this? Because recently I sat through an end of term school musical featuring my cousins which drew heavily from it, although it was called 'my favourite things' to avoid any copyright complications. This startling production interpreted the material in a way that made Robert Wise look like a no-talent. The opening "What are we going to do about Maria?" song was sung by both nuns and Nazis. Was this a political critique on the alleged cooperation between the catholic church and National Socialism sadly left out of Wise's shallow version? And do you remember a black Nazi in the original? It would have been a better film if it had one, I'm sure. Rad to the highest degree, I think is the parlance. On the stage, our Maria dwarfed Captain Von Trapp who was in danger of being trodden on and looked about six. Actually, I think he WAS six. Was Christopher Plummer dressed like a restaurant Maitre De? Perhaps if he had been his performance would have seen a bit less, well, wooden. Or stiff. Idle vice, idle vice.
However, all doubts were dispelled when the headmaster insisted we join in a rousing rendition of 'Climb every mountain'. Great! I always loved that song. It always filled me with a profound motivation to go and make a cup of tea. The Rogers and Hammerstein score, I thought, was so complex that only top notch talent could pull it off. I was wrong. Four year olds can do it. Providing you confiscate their mobile phones as a motivating tool. This film is so sacharine that I can only watch bits and pieces of it. Behind a re-inforced concrete pillbox with goggles. Ear muffs optional, but recommended. Fantastic romantic scene 'You are sixteen' has not been bettered since. The school play tried, but "You are ten, going on eleven" didn't have the same resonance (and sounds a bit suspect too!)
But where the two versions come together is the triumph of evil by good. Sadly, Robert Wise missed out on the inspired idea of having the Nazis chase each other in circles everytime they are given an order like in the school play, but Hollywood never did get satire. But who cares? The music lives on long after our teeth have rotted. And if our Julie can no longer sing "The hills are alive", then there are plenty of toddlers who can take her place. As long as a percentage of the box office take can be negotiated with their agents, of course. And I can do it too.
"CLIIIIIIIMB EVERY MOUNTAAAAYENNNN....CROSS EVERY STUREEEEEEEEAM!
I'm parol....I mean, I'm free from next thursday onwards.