The biggest problem is that it wasn't a movie at all

Rating: 5/10 (17 February 2010)

Just look at what this show has become! Its fans' greatest expectation was the the film was NOT going to be absolutely awful, and they were rejoicing madly because it turned out to be NOT bad. This thing doesn't even have a proper title: it's "The Simpsons Movie". The story is irrelevant: it only matters that it's the Simpsons, and it's a "Movie". It's not a movie: it's a TV special that ended up in the theatres. And the packaging? Oh, it has Homer, and it has donuts. The poster had a donut. The advertising banners had donuts. The soundtrack CD casing was donut shaped. People, WHAT KIND OF AUDIENCE is this film aimed at?? If you go a few years to the past, just a few, you'll remember that the TV show was praised (and I mean praised as "critics raving and drooling and squirming on the ground with excitement") for being a biting, cruel satire of the American society, for having a lot of criticism towards American traditions. Now look at this: The Simpsons franchise has become everything it made fun of in the past. This "Movie" is the final nail in the coffin: it's an acknowledgment that the series has no value anymore. It means nothing, it represents nothing, it stands for nothing.
Yet, oh, not a single person of the crew will ever recognise that. For them, the Simspons is the PINNACLE of sarcasm and satire on TV. Pure hypocrisy. This "movie" is a blatant lie. And I don't say that as a "bitter fan". I am not a fan, and I'm not bitter. Actually, I get an odd form of pleasure from seeing this pathetic excuse for a "Simpsons Movie".
OK, anyway, the proper story. It doesn't suck? I disagree. For a project so big, humongous and hyped as this one, the story is every bit as by-the-numbers as you'd never expect.
If you want a practical example of how contrived, empty and artificial this script is, look no further than what happens to Lisa in here. Since this is "THE SIMPSONS MOVIE!!!" (seriously, how could that pass THAT off as a title??), every character needed a plot. We need to please EVERYONE, here! So how do we please Lisa fans? Have her play out something cute and adorable, of course. Yeah, but since Lisa fans represent about 0.5% of our viewers, and the film is aimed at people with the IQ level of an amoeba (See? It has DONUTS! Donuts are FUNNY!), we need to be awfully obvious and to the point with it. So what do we do? Let's create a shallow, empty, contrived character out of thin air to serve as her romantic interest. He won't be at all developed, he'll occupy about 5 minutes of screen time, and we'll make him Irish just to squeeze in a joke about Bono. Yes, that is EXACTLY how it plays out. And you wonder about the rest? Don't bother. It doesn't get much better than that.
Oh, and the film opens up making fun of US for paying for something we can watch for free on TV. Oh, yeah? Who the heck thinks I'm gonna buy THAT garbage as clever, witty self-referential and audience insulting humour? If anything, this is an insult to themselves; they're clutching at straws to be "edgy", and will pull off ANY cheap and stupid trick to keep that mask on. Example? During one of the "emotional" "high points" of the "movie", the screen fades to black with the caption "To be continued...". I started to feel, with a sense of dread, that the worst was about to happen. And the worst DID happen: it continued "Immediately". Seriously, I felt ashamed for paying to see THAT much dumbness and obviousness on the screen. Do we NEED that? Not only this is "The SIMPSONS MOVIE!!! THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAS A TITLE BECAUSE THE STORY DOESN'T MATTER!!!", but it plays cheap pranks on you! At least this "movie" was a cathartic experience. I felt justified in despising The Simpsons, as the pile of smugness, hypocrisy and complete lack of talent that it is. The makers of this thing surely have their egos inflated to the size of the planet right now. At least we know they're not inflated with hot air, but with FOX's budget.