Essentially lame and unmemorable (Big spoilers)

Rating: 3/10 (5 July 2008)

The Simpsons TV show lost its way a long time ago. There were many factors, but one big thing is that the show lost a lot of complexity and depth to the parodies, and just became too blatant, lazy and shallow. The complexity wasn't just about making it a multi-leveled joke, it was about parodying real lives, pain and woes and just circumstances that many of us could relate to. At some point that went out the window. I had little hope that this movie would be a real change of pace, and honestly it was about what I expected it to be in terms of quality. It was mildly entertaining, it couldn't compare to the classic episodes, and it didn't have much point for existing. I had a slight hope that there would be a better plot or something that gave the movie a purpose, but nope, it was pretty basically an extended episode. Towards the beginiing of the movie Homer tells us we're dopes for watching, and Homeboy is right.
Things that sucked about this picture:
1. Homer is still too stupid. Remember in the old days, there was a balance of "normal" and "extra stupid" with Homer. Now it's just "one really, really stupid guy who sometimes acts/speaks as if he loves his family, although you never actually feel that love when watching"
2. No true emotion. The old Simpsons episodes could actually be touching at the same time as they were hilarious, which was part of the genius. Now, they can write it in that this character loves that character, but where is the emotion? They don't manage to capture that feeling and convey it to the audience, perhaps because it is so shallow.
3. Spider-Pig. WHAT THE HELL. When I saw this in the previews and I heard that this was something that was popular in the movie, I was confused because it looked incredibly stupid and lame. But I thought, maybe, just maybe, there was something else to it that made it funny in the movie. No, no, no, there wasn't, and the pig all together was a pointless inclusion. If they had to go with the "Homer destroys the lake" thing, couldn't it have something to do with the power plant? Or does he not work there anymore? Why the stupid pig?
4. Pointless characters. The little Irish boy. Who? What? Why? Green Day... I don't even think that was Billy Joe's voice, it sounded like a woman. And the EPA dude, well, I guess he had a point, but wouldn't the movie have been cooler if it was all some grand scheme from Side Show Bob, or the space aliens, or the staff at the kids' school, or something grounded in the Simpsons' lives? If they had to bring in a new villain, couldn't they have made him a bit more entertaining?
5. EVERYBODY in town except Flanders and the Irish boy want to kill the Simpsons. I dunno, it just bothered me to see Otto trying to kill the kids. At least limit it to Homer, the other Simpsons didn't do anything!
6. Why was the sandbox a transporter? No explanation? OK....
7. Bart wasn't badass enough. If Homer had made the ridiculous dare to him to go skateboard nude in the old days, Bart would have found a way to trick Homer so Homer was the one doing the skateboarding naked. Then the buddying up with Flanders... I just never quite bought it. Bart knows Flanders. Flanders is not a mystery to Bart. Why does a kid like Bart suddenly feel so compelled to experience the fatherly wonder of his dorky neighbor?
8. The "Marge doesn't know if she loves Homer because Homer is such a jerk - nope, she loves him" thing has been done to death.
9. Groundskeeper Willy... did I miss it, or was there not one peep out of him during his appearances?
10. Where was the cat?
11. Last, but definitely not least, it JUST WASN'T VERY FUNNY. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was wretchedly unfunny, but it was just "ok". This was nowhere near hilarious. It was mildly amusing. There were two times I remember laughing, 1. when Homer first touches the electrified fish (it got old after that), and 2. when Homer first goes up to the silo labeled "pig crap" (look, I was grasping at straws here). I did like the Tom Hanks thing. Edited to add, the "Grand Theft Walrus" part made me laugh. Not so much the game but the title. Wait, is that supposed to be a joke about Alaska? Oh...
I don't know if the Simpsons ever had much need for a movie, but if this movie had been made in the series prime, many moons back, I'm sure the creative force that was propelling the show could have given us a great movie. Or they could have done a live-action movie, which although it could have been absolutely horrible, just may have been executed in such a way as to be interesting and enjoyable. Whatever the case, this is what we got, and they can take it back.
If you want to know the glory of The Simpsons just forget that they still produce cartoons (and movies) under that name, and go back to the early years. I'll take the crudely drawn but very creative stuff over this shiny, uninspired crap.