Greatest Movie in the History of History

Rating: 10/10 (27 July 2007)

As anyone who has read even a single solitary post on this website knows, I am a pretty big Simpsons fan. Nearly every joke I've written on this website has been a twisted version of something I heard on the Simpsons, made less funny and claimed as my own without even realizing I had stole it. I have seen every episode of the show numerous times and annoyingly recite lines from it amongst my friends. I feel as though I know the characters on that show as well as I know people in real life. I believe it is the funniest television show in the existence of forever and the absolute apex of achievement by man (slightly ahead of Tecmo Super Bowl...slightly). That's why when I first heard the movie was being made over a year ago I was worried. I thought this movie reeked of a cash grab by a show on the decline that was looking for one last big financial windfall before riding off into the sunset. I was worried because I had waited 18 of my 23 years for this movie to come out and there was no possible way it could meet the ridiculous expectations I had created for it. I was wrong. The Simpsons movie was the most exhilarating experience of my life. It was like being conscious during your own birth and realizing all of the wonder and magnificence that awaited you during your new lifetime. If you compiled every great thing that Frank Capra, John Ford, Stanley Kubrick and Woody Allen ever put to film and then multiplied it by a number so large that saying it would take a lifetime you still wouldn't even be close to how great this movie is. Jesus Christ himself could have come bursting through the theater doors riding a surfboard on a wave of fire, carrying the head of Satan in one hand and shooting a shotgun into the air with the other and I still wouldn't have been able to turn away from the brilliance that was occurring on screen and if that last sentence didn't make sense to you then you haven't seen the film yet. That's how amazing this movie is. I don't know how more highly I could recommend it. But if you want to have your life changed for the best then go see this movie. Right now. And when you're done watching it watch it again. Please.