Hands Labyrinth

Rating: 5/10 (25 December 2017)

Okay, first, the good stuff:
The sets (which deserve an Oscar) and the cinematography were eye-poppingly-amazing. Desplat's score was moving and beautiful. Richard Jenkins stole every scene he was in - as always.
Now, the bad stuff:
Sally Hawkins masturbating in the bath every single morning while the eggs are boiling (hence the title of this review) added nothing to the story. Michael Shannon buying a new car added nothing to the story. The Astaire-Rogers, song-n-dance, black-n-white dream sequence completely ruined any magic that had been established.
Look, I know this is a fantasy, but, fish sex, really? Not only that, she went to work and played kiss-n-tell, describing the fish dick to Octavia Spencer (who, sadly, has become typecast.) The writing was just weak. Every character was a cliched, cardboard cutout. The love story read like a bad Harlequin Romance paperback meets The Creature from the Black Lagoon meets Splash meets Mr. Limpet.
Overall, I would say, if you are a serious filmophile, see this for the eye candy. That's all there really is to this fantasy.
If you are a lonely, looking-for-Mr. Right, 40-something dreamer, this could possibly be your favorite movie of all time.