REALITY CHECK

Rating: 2/10 (9 January 2018)

I gave this film two stars; one for Guillermo Del Toro because he is a truly talented man and one star because when this film shined, it really shined. The performances were excellent. The directing was what we have come to expect from Guillermo Del Toro. But, that's about it.
The film started out rather well. The plot was taking shape very nicely and there was some good character development in the little time afforded for that purpose. The plot was moving along smoothly and then, without any warning whatsoever, the wheels came off. Our dear Eliza falls in love and has sex with the fish man in a bathroom turned into a love pong with nothing more than a few towels jammed under the door to stop up the water flooding from sink and tub.
Ok....after some deep breaths and a few silent "wtf's" muttered under my breath to myself, I was able to manufacture just enough suspension of disbelief to wash it down. Perhaps the ending would convince me to overlook this nonsense?
Nope. Not a chance. It only got worse.
The entire film crashed at precisely the when Eliza and the frog man actually performed a choreographed number where Eliza lip-syncs the words to a song about how much she loves Charlie, the Tuna, complete with big band, fake stars and a really shiny, black dance floor. Its been a very long time since I have witnessed such a laughable, cringe worthy scene. I mean, what the happened here? At what point during the script reviews and edits DIDN"T someone raise their hand and say "ya know, this is kinda stupid?"
If this was an attempt to artfully convey the sentiment of "love is blind" or "the heart wants what it wants" or "love can break down the barriers of whatever is in its way", then, that attempt failed.......horribly....painfully......pathetically.....tragically. The fact that this film earned a Golden Globe is a testament to how the industry is still afraid to call out the king and his new clothes.
Do not waste your time with this film. Its two hours of my life I will never get back.