Missed opportunity with a potentially great concept

Rating: 5/10 (13 July 2016)

MILD SPOILERS INCLUDED: This review is guided by an adult viewpoint, because I think Illumination Entertainment seeks to grab for that same brass ring Pixar once held: the animated feature that could fill kids with unquestioning delight, and simultaneously raise adults' eyebrows in a knowing fashion. The kids will likely give "Pets" far more love than I'm prepared to, based on that assumption.
O.K., this was the first time I've actually gone out to see an I.E. animated feature (the Despicable Me movies). Yes, that means this was accompanied by a Minions short; I am sure that fact alone might cause some of you to squirm in discomfiture. How many Minions are there and how can we safely exterminate them en masse? After the unpleasantness of the Minions short, "Pets" was not bad. But it was also not anywhere near as great as the trailers had me hoping it could be, given it was graced with a great, simple "Toy Story"-style concept: Wondering what your beloved pet animals do all day while you're off at school or work. Ohh, to be able to channel the flickering walnut-sized consciousness of beloved pets I've known: The diminutive Teddy Bubbles of Santa Monica, for instance.
But, alas. To borrow a baseball analogy, this was the animation equivalent of a deep sacrifice fly ball that scored a lone run, when a 4-run-rally inning is what was totally expected. Animation: 8, Voice acting: 7, Story: 5, Dialogue and one-liners: 4. The kids will appreciate it, mostly, but I liked the voice acting and the lavishly detailed backgrounds. New York City has never been bathed in this much munificent golden light, not even in "You've Got Mail," that adult Manhattan fairy tale.
Yet, the writers badly disappointed by taking the very easiest ways out, in almost every sequence, and they also badly over-relied on gusto voice performances from actors like Kevin Hart, Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, Lake Bell, and Albert Brooks (very funny as a kept raptor with a conscience about his role as a predator). Jenny Slate is terrific as a toyish-looking Pomeranian, Gidget, with a heart of gold and an edge of steel to her determination as she insists (spoiler alert) that the allied pets gear up to go rescue the missing dogs, her love interest, Max, and his recent roommate addition, the seemingly oafish Duke. Slate's voice performance is the strongest of the film, and it sets the tone for the the moral underpinning of the story: that there are good pet owners in the world, like Max and Duke's, Katie, and that every pet deserves such an owner.
At the blustery end of the vocal spectrum, Hart's rabbit chews more digital scenery than 10 other characters combined, and his raging is both maddeningly called-for by the vaguely unfocused script, and yet at the same time it's also a prime example of how the film fails to genuinely engage our emotions. A fluffy white bunny, emotionally conflicted about humans, leads an animal revolution, and screams so much in the process (spoiler alert) that he poops himself. Hah. Ha, hah, umm, ha. Hmm. Give those quality voices funnier, more innovative lines, and something more creative to do (spoiler alert) than keep trying to evade an NYC Animal Control van, and you've got a potential game-altering 3-run home run on your hands.
This one was cute, but, sadly, not really stirring, like a visually splendid birthday cake that turns out to be baked in a flavor that's just not your favorite. And this one is really not at all necessary to see before it streams. Also ... no sequel is really desired. Although, given Hollywood's by-the-reboots mentality now and the competitive nature of the animated features market, we'll likely get one anyway. And hey, in this so-far absolutely horrid year for Hollywood, this one's already a hit, it's made $80M in profit after only 5 days' run. To me, that speaks volumes about how desperately weak 2016 has so far been in film. The Infiltrator, and Ghostbusters: rescue us. Star Trek surely won't.