Easily the worst movie of the year

Rating: 3/10 (4 May 2011)

I mean, I started with titling this review as "The worst movie ever made" but then changed it since I realized there are indeed much worse movies. So, alright, it is probably not the worst, probably not even the bottom, eeh..., 100, but it's still pretty bad. I'll list all the "bads" in the order of, well, badness:
1. The score - horrible, absolutely sordid, I actually had to watch it with subtitles and Pandora on the background 2. Editing - sloppy at best, like that one scene where a certain humvee hits a road pole, head one, and in the next scene the same humvee happily plows through the crowed of bedazzled bystanders. There's many other enjoyable scenes like that when the cutting floor obviously had a party 3. Directing - well, it's not bad in the when it's present 4. Cinematography - they got a lot of grand wide-angle shots but again they spent like $70 mill on it. 5. Nicholas Cage 6. Nicholas Cage is the main character 7. Nicholas Cage survives till the very end 8. Script was just hilarious, I mean, it was probably written for 5th graders 9. Gives you a certain generic feel of distressful creepiness - like, realizing you've been eating a product labeled "made from natural ingredients" which was actually made of ground beef. This movie gives you a similar feeling, it is kind of made by people who claim to be filmmakers who in the end turn out to be snake oil salesmen. Kind of like watching good porn, it's almost admirable in it's naive, almost childish attempts, to look like a legitimate film, even though we all know it's all about the double-up scene towards the end.
Alright, I admit, it's been pretty mean up to the point, so, I'll mention the good now: 1. They got Sean Connery 2. Sean Connery says: "I pershonally shink you're an idiot!" 3. Nicholas Cage almost gets blowen up off the face of the planet.