Before Armageddon

Rating: Null/10 (15 April 2006)

Before Armageddon, before Con Air, before, Enemy of the State, before Coyote Ugly, before Pearl Harbor(which Sucked), before Kangaroo Jake(which Kicked Ass), there was Bad Boys, but after that there was the Bruckheimer/Bay masterpiece "The Rock". Sometimes a beige Volvo driving Cage has to steal your ferrari to chase down a Connery in a Humm-V, but C'est la Vie. Sometimes you've been taken down by the government because they don't want to reveal confidential information, maybe about Kennedey or something really important in American history, and you have really long hair, but you can crack a window with a bent quarter, and your daughter has never met you, and you get a new hair cut and look pretty decent--almost like a James Bond type character. Perhaps this Bond man can navigate through the infernal exterior of a Ed-Harris/that-guy-who-always-plays-the-military-expertise guarded perimeter to penetrate the most highly regarded landmark of American lockdown security(besides the max-security prison that Castor Troy is held in). Wait, was King Arthur any good, no one I know saw it. John Spencer is the best actor to ever get thrown off of the side of a building whilst administering a hair cut. I'm sorry that I got off track, but this is just the beginning of the V-X filled thriller that is "The Rock." If you are not enthralled yet, just remember that there are chicks, explosions, Connery, car-chases, Cage, Airplanes, Jail cells, bitches ocular cavities being manipulated, French kisses, horses jumping through fiery hoops, cowbells, Tin-Cup, and manginas. Love, Bruckheimer-Fan-32.