If Dadaists made films, they would make `The Ring'

Rating: 1/10 (20 October 2002)

On a good day in ideal light this movie is foolish suburbanite pseudointellectual hogwash. This movie is utter garbage, an insult to anyone with a three-digit IQ and a disgrace to the cinema everywhere. When you think of the miles of pristine 35mm film that were sacrificed so this movie could earn a studio millions of dollars, one is reduced to tears.

The recipe contains two parts lowbrow kitsch to one part silly horror. Combine with unaccomplished actors and morality preaching and we have `The Ring,' an innundation of poorly shot images and masturbatory use of wide-angle lenses strung together to form a barely cohesive story. The nauseating use of twisting plots and poor characterization is almost as infuriating as the distinctly plagiarized shots. The absurd plot makes suspending belief for `Star Trek' look easy.
We are bounced like a ping-pong ball in our sympathetic expectations as audience members until we drop on the ground suffering from a bad case of futility. If I wanted such an experience I would open up to random pages of a Charles Dickens novel reading off random words from the page, pretending to be able to formulate something of value.
If you are not a pre-pubescent moron or a comatose half-wit, then do yourself a favour and see something else. Forget urban legends, watching `THE RING' is more likely to kill your brain cells than any VHS tape recovered at a mountain lodging.