No Freaking Way

Rating: 2/10 (21 February 2003)

As much as I was expecting to love this movie (the Japanese
original is a classic in many ways) this American remake is clap
trap by-the-numbers red herring filmmaking at it's very worst. And
yet surprisingly, everyone seems to love it. Except me. Go figure.
Watts is a horrible actress that tries her best to carry a bad movie
from a hack director (Gore "Mousehunt" Verbinski, who has yet to
make a film that I don't absolutely despise) and a hack writer
(Ehren Kruger, who after this and "Reindeer Games" should be
beaten severely).
Watts investigates the death of a relative after watching a scary
tape at a scary cabin in the woods. She watches the scary tape; he
old flame watches the scary tape; he scary kid watche the scary
tape; scary girl calls each of them and tells them that they have
seven scary days to live before they die scary deaths at the hands
of a scary girl with no motive at all whatsoever to be doing what
she is doing. Scary things abound.
Only none of it is particularly frightening. In fact I found most of the
film to be quite laughable and never for a moment entertaining. If
the very notion of camera tricks and mood lighting telling a story
appeals to you, then "The Ring" is the movie for you. Otherwise,
skip this and seek out the real deal: "Ringu" and it's sequel are far
better than this dissappointment.