Japanese Water Torture

Rating: 1/10 (7 November 2002)

Following in the footsteps of "Panic Room" (see my review) and "Punch-Drunk Love" as critically praised pieces of trash, "The Ring" comes from underground to bore you to death at a theater near you. This is one of those movies that is off the charts STUPID, like "Blair Witch" STUPID, where anyone whose brain is in the "on" position realizes that this is nothing more than a lame fright film that has been done before a hundred times. It is far from scary and defies all logic from frame 1 to the end of the flick. This film may have the bells and whistles to entertain 11-14 year old kids, but anyone who is above the age of 20 should be embarrassed if they enjoyed this garbage.
The problems are mostly plot related and I don't feel like "spoiling" any of the logic defying twists and turns that nearly put me to sleep. Let me just tell you that if you like really slow movies that don't require a pesky plot, or continuity, this is your cup of tea.
It's a horror flick, so for the most part the acting is poor. The "acting" in the opening sequence is quite horrid, as if the untrained kids were reading their lines off of the script just beyond the camera. Brion Cox, who I have seen in other films, is quite scary in his delivery, as if he forgot that he has 30 years of film experience.
Naomi Watts is the one and only positive in this stinker. Her presence alone carries this movie, as in Mulhullond Dr. (another piece of junk) and she needs to learn how to say the word "pass" when she is offered fine fare such as this. She still manages to remain relatively unscathed as the entire movie crashes and burns around her and hopefully will star in something better soon.
If you think that "Jeepers Creepers" and "The Blair Witch Project" are five-star, grade-A films, this movie is made just for you. I think those movies are amazingly dumb and I felt stupid after I watched them, and felt even dumber after watching this film. I think "The Ring" actually symbolizes the large plot holes that are readily apparent if you are paying attention. If you are willing to check your brain at the door, you have a chance to not hate this movie, but I doubt it.