I Wanted to Love It, But Didn't

Rating: 5/10 (22 December 2015)

Oh what can I say about The Revenant? It's a two and an half hour epic with Leonardo DiCaprio doing his darndest to act like an injured man abandoned and trying to survive in a world of harsh elements and enemies, but unfortunately he's also up against a cast of others whose acting, to put it bluntly, just plain sucks. I've never seen Tom Hardy overact before, but here you have an example of it and it isn't pretty. I guess when you're doing three or four blockbusters a year, one of which requires you to play two different people, you have a hard time putting your heart and soul into your character.
DiCaprio is also up against a script that kept me scratching my head. Everything in it seems borrowed and haphazardly pieced together: the opening action sequence seems borrowed from Saving Private Ryan (only with arrows and hooting "Indians" instead of guns and Nazis); the mood seems borrowed from Into the Grey; the main character borrowed from Dances With Wolves (although stripped of all humanity and charm). Nothing seems new here. Furthermore, none of the characters are developed, likable or relatable. They are all fowl mouthed, brutal, murderous savages, including DiCaprio's character, whose only connection to humanity is his love for his son; and in regards to that, only God knows why, since the kid is so miserable, bitter and brooding himself.
The Revenant is visually stunning (I'll hand it that), and if you can suspend your disbelief, you are in for a real treat. Personally, however, I couldn't get into the grand finale, when DiCaprio is sprinting, as nimble as a doe, through the ice and snow, when just a few weeks before in this movie time a great big bear mauled him so savagely that he barely clung to his life, tearing his flesh to shreds and breaking several of his bones--not to mention every thing that happens to him AFTER that--yet he's somehow back to full strength for the obligatory revenge scene. When exactly did his broken leg heal without being set or put into a cast, for example: when he was tumbling helplessly down a waterfall or when he was single-handedly taking on an entire French brigade?
No. Sorry, Alejandro González Iñárritu. You can throw all the finesse in the world into your movie pal, but if it doesn't ring true, I won't be emotionally engaged.
So there you have it: my take on The Revenant.