Hackkman and Reeves must be cringing

Rating: 1/10 (10 March 2008)

The Replacements is the kind of movie they should be showing in film school. We can all look at Chinatown, Don't Look Now, Witness, Bringing Up Baby, Tokyo Monogatari, ET, Tootsie or Crimson Tide and see why they work well. It would be more of a challenge to take a heap of dung like The Replacements and say, "Right, fix that." They ticked off all the boxes; a reluctant hero steps up for one final chance at glory and redemption. Mentored by a grizzly old coach, supported by a wacky but loyal group of peers, he battles adversity, wins the game, and gets the girl. It could be Major League with more heart, or Bull Durham with more laughs.
Except it doesn't work. It isn't funny (I felt for Gene Hackman trying to wring a laugh out of mis-pronouncing 'wiry', I just wanted to go up and pat him on the back, say 'never mind, mate', buy him a beer...), and there is zero drama. The prison dance routine to 'I Will Survive' probably takes the prize for worst scene of all. I think they tried for a pastiche, aiming at camp, but it is just... so bad. It is like watching one of those cabaret circuit stand-up comics dying slowly on stage, determined to make it through his routine despite the rising indifference of the audience. This is an absolute train-crash, bombed out horror of a movie, a real lesson in 'How Not To.' It does for the sports genre what Wing Commander did for sci-fi. I hope someone one day gets to record Hackman answering the question "Why?". The other actors can at least say, "I wanted to work with Gene Hackman." What on earth is his excuse?