The Top Twenty-NineThings That Purge Reality

Rating: 2/10 (31 July 2013)

1. At least we don't have to worry about any of the Congressmen following the 12-hours of The Purge.
2. I wonder if The Purge was all prompted by all the Stand Your Ground acquittals to come?
3. So, security is super tight, but not electricity?
4. Be wary of your neighbors: they might be jealous of the fortune that they willingly gave you.
5. And after realizing who your neighbors really are, good luck selling that zillion-dollar, built for a family of four, 36,000 square-foot palace in this market.
6. America is the only country that does this, and yet no one thinks to leave the country for the days, or hell, hours, surrounding The Purge?
7. A security system that's "not built for worst-case scenarios" probably shouldn't state that in the brochure.
8. For 12-hours, people have the right to kill, maim, dismember, steal, destroy, slaughter, rape and yetthey gleefully adhere to a curfew?
9. Kids are so innocent. They feel bad for procrastinators who, for 364 days, didn't think of a place to hide for a mere 12 hours.
10. Today: People buy flowers to honor the dead. Tomorrow: People buy flowers to promote death.
11. Worried that your peaceful speech won't go as planned to the father of your underaged love interest? Why not get his immediate attention by shooting at him to break the ice?
12. "Due to the success of the first film, a sequel is in development by Universal and Blumhouse" says the IMDb Trivia. Well, if Twilight did it, why not, America?
13. Pervert children with mechanical half-eaten baby doll cams know the best places to hide. Well, duh.
14. Crime does pay in the future: it gets unemployment down to 1%.
15. Miraculously, though somehow not implausibly, in less than ten years everyone agrees politically, despite having "their own opinions" and votes in ONE governing power. Thanks, Fox News.
16. Of course, a Plan B never occurs to the top security salesman who doesn't even fully believe in his own product.
17. Mercifully, this movie's family has a brilliant son who knows when someone is speaking into a muted camera when that person's mouthmoves.
18. During The Purge, you can, literally, get away with murder and, yet, some people still like to wear masks. Oh, and play on tree swings. All for dramatic effect, I suppose.
19. Never thank a family that saved your life. Simply stand, be quiet and at the most opportune time, hide by use of a half-melted, red-eyed devil baby on wheels.
20. The greatest advancement of technology in the next decade isn't cars, tablets, security or weapons. It's glowing sunglasses.
21. Also, speaking of the future, "equipment" to break into people's secured houses is so highly developed, they have a name for it that we already use today: a truck.
22. And I don't think Burning Down the House by the Talking Heads is ever played in the future because, well, why not give your victims some of your precious, few hours bypassing the easiest way in and waiting for said truck?
23. When barely anything has happened yet, multiple facial close-ups with people who look like they're sucking on golf balls has to be a universal sign of fright, apparently.
24. Does homeowner's insurance apply to The Purge hours?
25. I'm not sure wasting 12 of the 8,760 yearly hours, doing whatever the hell you want to do, on one house and for one victim, is the best use of your time.
26. "Hide in the basement!" says Dad to his son. Waitthere's a place to hide?
27. A huge arsenal of weapons should be clearly ignored – for the rest of the movie – when multiples of people are bent on killing your family and it's much easier to carry just a handgun. You know, just as a "precaution."
28. While it's grand that Hollywood broke from yet another tired "Ghost-Story-Paranormal-House-Found-Footage-Supposedly-True-Film" clichéd movie, I would've been happier if they had actually hired a writer with an original thought. And speaking of which
29. Why don't these people have a PANIC ROOM available for when THE STRANGERS who attempt to play FUNNY (and HUNGER) GAMES while COLLECTing the victims after entering their beautiful TOY STORY home with CLOCKWORK ORANGE appeal and show that they're THE DEVIL'S REJECTS?