Inconceivable! I can't believe I just used that joke.

Rating: 1/10 (10 August 2010)

What do you love about this film. No, not what did you love about it as a kid, what do you love about it now? I first saw this film at age 14, at school, having never even hear of it. So, I think I am rather qualified to give an unbiased opinion, since so many are clouded by childhood nostalgia about this film. I remember the teacher putting it on, and everybody going wild. A friend, after giving me an odd look for saying I'd never seen it, said it was like the NeverEnding Story, and I'd love it.
Pity that wasn't even a remotely accurate statement.
I love fantasy, before I'm accused of not, my favorite book is The Lord of the Rings.I specifically love comedic fantasy, the likes of Terry Pratchett, and gently mocking, yet also in the genre fantasy,like The Last Unicorn.
This film does not succeed as a fantasy, being utterly predictable, and head scratching. I know it's not a serious fantasy, since they mention real countries, as a joke, I assume. Nothing happened in this film that I didn't see coming a mile away. The only thing that mildly surprised me was the ending, that just sort of ... happens. It's like, the story is going along, then cuts off and says 'OK, we're done now.' Most predictable of all was the story within a story element.
I would forgive the horrid effects, except that many eighties movies made before this one looked much more realistic. Let us not forget that Aliens came form the eighties, and those effects hold up today for the most part.Star wars was made in the seventies. Even the NeverEnding Story, for all Falcor is a puppet, had it's moments. And let us not forget, Falcor is a pretty puppet.
Then, if the film isn't a serious fantasy, it must be a comedic fantasy, right? If so, I don't know what's so funny here. Apparently, the writers are convinced the height of comedy is to repeat a phrase over and over, with how often that occurs. Like when they have the worlds smartest man use the word inconceivable incorrectly. Once worth a slight smile perhaps, at the rather simple joke of 'Ha Ha! He thinks he's a genius, but he's not really.' Then, they say it again. And once more. And once more. It's like the writers thought we were too stupid to get the joke the first time, and they really felt it was a terribly clever joke, and we had to get it! Not the only time that happens in the film, either.
This film fails as a fantasy by being predictable, fails as a comedy by not being funny, has awful effects, and boring, uninteresting characters. They're all flat, I knew nothing about them at the end of the film beyond 'He's really tall, they're in love, he's a idiot and he's Spanish and wants to avenge his father.' All things you could learn in that one sentence blurb. On top of all that, the acting is bad.
This movie is simply a train wreck, I can't even believe it was made. And that so many of my friends love it.