OMG I want my 130 minutes back!!!!! EVERY NANOSECOND OF IT!!!!

Rating: 1/10 (24 December 2014)

I can't seem to find a "minus" number on the review score, and believe me, I tried hard to find a way to get one for this profoundly overrated insult to the intellect and sensibilities. I see a lot of movies. I usually like movies that make me think. I usually like movies with plot twists. I usually like movies with suspense. Notice I did NOT say I usually like movies that make me THINK I want my time back, movies with more plot HOLES than the even astronomical amount of plot TWISTS, or movies that force me to SUSPEND disbelief light years beyond preposterous. That's not quite what I had in mind when I made my ultimately embarrassing decision to watch this movie, or worse yet, subject my wife to it as well. It's not enough to apologize to my wife...I apologize to all spouses everywhere, and I STILL don't feel cleansed.
Oh. Did I mention that this waste of both the U.S. and British economies is unrelentingly and disturbingly dark? Hmmmm. Lemme think...which character did I care about LESS. Impossible to decide, because I COULDN'T have cared less. Ya know...wait a minute, that's not fair. It's not the ACTORS I didn't care about. It was the writers, director, and producer of this insult to humanity whose feelings I refuse to spare. How did this movie ever get conjured up??? The term "Movie Magic" is perfectly antithetical here, although The Prestige DOES succeed in getting your brain to disappear. The fact that this got an 8.5 rating on IMDb is either a parlor trick or a typo. At least I hope so, anyway. If not, I weep for the future, and will despondently have to dismiss all future ratings without exploring the "Hated it" reviews first. Honey, if you're reading this...I love you, I didn't mean to hurt you, and please forgive me. In fact, YOU get to pick the next one. Don't worry, darling, WHATEVER it is, it'll seem like The Godfather to me after this.