Steaming pile of crap. And that's all that needs to be said, really.

Rating: 1/10 (15 August 2014)

I was in a Jane Campion bucketing mood and suddenly realised I'd left out this important clanger.
Bill Hicks spoke some good common sense on stage when he said that some films are just pieces of s***, and that's all that needs to be said about them.
Don't get into the details, don't try and piece them apart, don't try and find redeeming features - there may be none to be found.
There is only one redeeming feature in this pile of what-happens-when-you-tell-talentless-idiots-they-are-wonderful. The foliage blowing in the breeze is very pretty.
Yes.
The foliage blowing in the breeze is very pretty.
It would make perfect stock background footage for, say, a commercial.
But on top of that we have to put up with (don't think I'm spoiling anything here):
* Harvey Keitel as a Maori
OK the review ends there.
Surely that's it. Surely that's broken the whole deal right off in the keyhole, with a loud snap of finality.
No! I shall grit my teeth and continue...
* Harvey Keitel as a Maori
* Holly Hunter, full stop (at least she keeps her mouth shut)
* The Scottish Child (this vile, cancerous, disgusting little turd of a THING needs to be flayed alive, repeatedly, on camera, with lots of screaming and blood)
* Sam Neil - hey I'm not bucketing the guy per-se. But he's been in about 2 good films. This was, most definitely, not one
* A story that is of no interest to anybody, anywhere, anytime
* Narration that makes you want to find two phillips-head screwdrivers, and shove them deeply through your eardrums and into your brain
* A pace that makes you want tzzzzzzzzzzzz....
NZ has made some good films.
It has.