Put this in the tip, this piano's out of tune

Rating: 2/10 (12 February 2012)

So "The Piano" is a masterpiece is it? Well it would be unfair to say that nothing happened at all, but I don't think that it's possible to make draw out a completely passionless affair for two hours and not feel an ounce of boredom. "The Piano" for me was a bit like the "Citizen Kane" effect. People say how it's absolutely amazing and full of thoughtful symbols but I must be blind because I can never see them. Apart from the in-your-face haunting imagery at the end.
"The Piano" just felt completely dull and bland for the most part. Very little happens in the way of plot, basically an obnoxious mute woman moves to a barren island to be arranged to be married to Henry Bell (Sam Neill) and she brings her beloved piano with her on a little canoe (as if). Whilst their the stubborn Henry Bell refuses to let Holly hunter bring her lovely piano because it's too big and so the man off Sister Act some how comes to take it (weird actor choice). Annoyed she goes over to his little hut and asks for it back. He makes a bargain with her, she has to come over their and play it for every black key whilst he does increasingly more perverted things to her. Anyway they end up having an affair, Henry bell finds out, chops off her finger and she goes off the island.
Character development is sparse, and as you can tell, the plot is annoyingly thin to make a full two hours out of. The affair is also completely unconvincing. Why would a seemingly posh lady have it off with a rough native from Sister Act? The affair is also completely passionless. There is literally zero chemistry between them and so it's hard to care about them. It also doesn't help that Ada is such an unlikably angry character, who you can't help but dislike. The man from Sister Act is also entirely unlikable because he's just a complete pervert. Henry bell's the most interesting character, but he's also not likable. And as for the girl! My god she's annoying with her pathetic Scottish accent and wailing cries. I know she's only a little girl but, that doesn't stop her from being annoying.
However, "The Piano" is nicely shot for the most part, and it did show marvellous potential towards the end when Henry Bell goes mad and chops off Holl Hunter's finger. The last shot is also quite creepy and haunting. But, it's a difficult path getting there. It's two hours but it felt more like two and a half! The performances are OK but they're no one you're bound to fall in love with. "The Piano" was a dull and sometimes painfully boring film. I think that it spends too much time doting around with symbols rather than giving us some substance to back up the symbols (I'm thinking "Black Swan"). Save yourself the time and watch the French & Saunders version.