Clunky symbolism - symbolising nothing

Rating: 1/10 (28 October 2006)

Over a decade has passed since I saw this little stinker in Tokyo and I still resent the time I wasted on it, but not as much as I resent the praise with which it has been garlanded.
It's dreadful. The Piano is rescued from a shipwreck, in perfect tune, and Holly Hunter plays Michael Nyman numbers on it. She can't be bothered to talk for some reason. She inspects Harvey Keitel's bottom. Some Maori girls appear in Victorian costume to show how oppressive the colonisers were. That's most of what I remember and it's too much. It's presumably meant to mean something but it fails. The landscapes were nice, though.
All in all, a model of all that is worst about art cinema and an argument for going to see blockbusters or reading a book or tapping out some hymns on a tinny piano, which is what the Holly Hunter character would have played had this film attempted to connect with reality on any level.