For the times they are a-changin'

Rating: 1/10 (26 November 2018)

I bulked up on films to bring with me for an extended stay at a hospital (a standard operation) and, having never seen "The Piano" and IMDb "recommending" it for me (WHY?), I brought it along.
I can't believe that 25 years have made what might have been some sort of relevant film to a small feminist audience into the totally unwatchable (and unlistenable!) piece of excrement this is. Parts of it are so bad it is HOWLINGLY funny in 2018.
The production qualities, on every level (including acting with no exceptions), seem more appropriate for a soft-core porn film that you'd get on pay TV in cheap hotels pre-Internet times.
No spoilers from me: they have all been covered over the decades since IMDb began, often hilariously so. Read 'em and chuckle.
My one-and-only and best possible memory of "The Piano" occurred at the 1994 Oscars when Whoopi Goldberg went up to Harvey Kitel and in a childish voice started chanting "I saw your peeeeenis! I saw your peeeeenis!
And my goodness: what a moment of cinema that was! I gotta go laugh and take more pain meds (hey - I survived the operation and may be released tomorrow).
Oh yeah - even Michael Nyman, who wrote some wonderful scores for Peter Greenaway films, falls flat on his face here as a sort of really awful distant cousin of Chopin.
No redeeming qualities whatsoever, and some great belly-laughs.