A Turkey isn't just for Christmas

Rating: Null/10 (6 November 2003)

It is hard to imagine a film more boring than The Pianist. With lumpen direction, wooden acting, a script hewn from pure corn, little characterisation and no suspense, the film, which should have been life-affirming, had all the hallmarks of a homogenised US mini-series that had been hacked down from 18 to 2.5 hours. The only thing on screen for longer than Adrian Brody, an actor who has single-handedly perfected the bewildered expression, was that Warsaw tram. The producers had obviously hired it for the day and were determined to get their money's worth. One can only wonder how this turkey picked up so many awards and nominations. I award it the Yawn D'or.