Hollywood Horse****

Rating: Null/10 (17 May 2002)

Warning: spoilers below, but then, how could anything spoil what is already rotten? An insult to those who actually lived through the real thing, on both sides of the Atlantic.
Those overseas members who commented on how this movie is made for the cheese-eating American public are absolutely right. This movie wasn't about anything that happened in 1776, it was about "how can we make Mel Gibson everyone's favorite character if he were say, an 18th century plantation owner who really cares about his slaves and has kids with perfectly white teeth?"
I saw this flick with my dad. We went thinking it would be a serious fact-based docu-drama. We spent most of the movie laughing and guessing the dialogue before it was spoken and guessing what would happen before it happened. The movie was made for the idiot American public who buys into garbage no matter whether it is accurate or not, just as long as it's cutesy.
Why should there be anything funny in this tale of suffering and sacrifice? But no, Hollywood has Mel walking out of the British encampment, whistling so the British officer's dogs come running, away from their master the evil British officer because they'd rather be with righteous Mel. The theater cheered and clapped, and my dad and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. I wanted to smack the back of everyone's head. They just ATE IT UP. "Oh, the dogs prefer Mel! What a great scene!" Not!!! God the public is so stupid.
Ugh, and at the part when they find out the British have been looting villages and killing families, and one militiaman realizes his home was one them, and he goes racing off before anyone can stop him. I forget the name of the character, because by that time I was in tears from laughing. It's true. My dad had turned to me and said in a mock-whiny voice, "Oh, he's gonna find the toy gun." Sure enough, the man's battle-weary hand sifts through the wreckage of his once proud shack and finds the toy gun he made for his son. Gee, who'da seen that'a comin'? As soon as that happened, and with the sound of my dad's prediction still ringing in my ears, I burst out laughing, much to the annoyance of the dumb clucks in front of me. By the time the guy shoots himself my dad and I were in hysterics. I hate noisy people in a theater, but we were left with no choice. What a farce!
"Before this movie is over, I will kill you," Mel said.
"Well, here I am?!" the bad British office replied.
"Wha-? Oh, well, actually, I didn't mean right NOW, but I will. You'll see." Mel said.
"Oh, brother!" Jack sighed.
There are plenty of movies I like that contain some of the things I complain about here, but this one was just too much, mostly because it was a period piece.
The only good thing about this flick was in the beginning when Mel obliterated that small platoon of redcoats. His two kids did a good job acting and being believable as scared children witnessing bloodshed and having no choice but to kill as well. For those commenters who raved about what great flick this was, it was entertainment, sort of, and that's it. Otherwise, you people are the reason this type of trash keeps getting put out. I blame you for my wasted money.