Devolves from a good start, into dumb action, then finally insulting your intelligence

Rating: Null/10 (3 July 2000)

I had high hopes for the Patriot coming into the film, but was disappointed after the first 30 minutes. The movie starts with an intriguing premise. Mel is a guy who doesn't want to fight because he has personal demons from the past, and is a single parent raising a large family. Obviously, at some point the British push him too far, and he gets Revolutionary on their red-coated behinds. There is a very well done, hair-raising rescue/ambush scene which kind of sets up that the movie won't just be a simple revenge melodrama, but that Mel's war will really be one about overcoming personal demons, and holding his family together.
But just as quickly, they toss all this good setup out the window. It becomes a simple revenge melodrama. They tick off Mel, and he grabs his monogrammed tomahawk and turns into the terminator. Now I like these kind of movies too, so I was prepared to shrug my shoulders, relax and see a dumb summer action movie.
But then they don't do this right either. The movie devolves into a series of extremely violent but hokey situations, fakey relationships, cliches galore, and trite attempts at tying up all the plot's loose ends. The worst thing about this, is that it's all done in the name of "historical accuracy".
The film, IHMO, is *not* historically accurate at all. And I'm not saying that as a stickler for getting a proper history lesson at the expense of seeing a good movie. I like dumb action movies as much as the next guy. But the story is so cliched and manipulative that the what little historical accuracy is achieved on the part of the Smithsonian-advised production designers/costumers (etc) is wasted on situations that are totally implausible.
For example, Mel's slaves are "conveniently" freedmen working for wages. Joely Richardson's plantation slaves are very accurately costumed, but seemingly happy (yes happy!), and only exist in the film so the British can blow them away (to alert the main characters that they're in danger, kind of like the pack-bearers in a Tarzan movie who get killed off so the main characters know to duck).
Finally, Mel's family escapes to a real place, Gullah island, populated by escaped slaves (real-life historical reenactors who sing Gullah-dialect songs and practice traditional Gullah crafts). All this "historical accuracy" is a bust, because when Mel's family arrives, none of the islanders even asks what a bunch of white slaveowners are doing in their village, or who the heck they are! All they do is provide happy, singing local color, and imply that America was racially harmonius and united against the British. But mostly, Gullah island is just like the Ewok village in Return of the Jedi. I kid you not!
And how come the movie takes place over 7 years time, but at the end, Mel's kids haven't aged a day? How come a bunch of swamp-based guerilla fighters always seem dressed immaculately? Especially Mel in his suit and starched collar? And why do battles always take place at dawn or dusk, and the sun always backlights everyone? And how come after he totally alienates his kids, they all suddenly love him because it's convenient to the plot?
And the cliches! The British are the usual bunch of stereotypical effeminate jerks. There are three scenes in which British leaders are told bad news while being dressed or shaved. Then they have a tantrum. The evil villain has no depth. All he does is kill stuff evilly. If there were baby seals to club and whales to harpoon, he'd do it in each scene.
SPOILER ALERT:
he even gets shot, and while seemingly dead, suddenly springs back to life to kill a major character. Is this cliche? Just rent Halloween 1,2,3,4; Friday the 13th 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 & 8; and all the Freddy Kruger movies to find out! Oh yeah, and Mel pulls the same move later on. Twice in one movie. Yecch.
ANOTHER MINOR SPOILER ALERT:
And the worst thing that happens in the Patriot, is that LOTS of people die (probably a higher body count than the actual war). Mel loses half his family. A guy loses his wife and child so he blows his brains out. An entire church full of the guerilla fighters' loved ones is burned to death. Yet at the end, everyone is way too happy, AS IF NONE OF IT EVER HAPPENED! Un-freakin-believable. And the attitude of the film makers is "see, you're seeing something really profound and moving". No I'm not! I'm just seeing a blah action movie with characters who use Freddy Kruger-Fu in lieu of intelligence or a good plot.
There are so many more problems like this, they are beyond counting. There are so many, no matter how much I wanted to like the Patriot, I couldn't ignore them. After 2 hours and 40 minutes of trying to like the Patriot, all it did was make me want to grab a monogrammed tomahawk and exact vengeance on the film makers.