The Other Boleyn Girl: A Rulebook for Serious Films

Rating: 3/10 (19 February 2009)

"The Other Boleyn Girl" is one of those films that is so boring that you start picking out the logical errors with the plot. To begin with, Henry VIII's private life has been the subject of countless films. Unless a movie can provide a fresh take on this familiar subject matter, then there is no point in making it.
Yet aside from this criticism, "The Other Boleyn Girl" also suffers from the fatal flaw of being stupid. The beginning of the film sees Henry VIII (Eric Bana) impregnate Mary Boleyn (Scarlett Johannson) with a son. You would think that Henry VIII would then divorce Catherine of Aragon and marry Mary, thereby legitimizing his son's eventual succession to the throne. Yet for reasons that are not at all clear, Henry VIII acts like the cad who who breaks off all contact with a girl he had just impregnated rather than a monarch who is desperate for a male heir. So even within its own logic, this film breaks down.
If this is not bad enough, we have an even more illogical episode to follow that one. After spending a pleasant holiday in France, Anne Boleyn comes back to England with a mission to seduce the king. But her plan is to treat Henry VIII like dirt and be snobbish and obnoxious to everyone else. Of course, I do not hold any of these things against Anne necessarily because it is nice to see the titled aristocracy getting taken down a couple of pegs. Yet what does not make sense is that Henry VIII would marry her afterwards, especially considering that there is no chemistry between them whatsoever. I also do not understand why Anne Boleyn was devastated when the king lost all interest in her. She did become queen after all and it was not as if she was in love with Henry. With this many illogical scenes, Anne's deep seated anguish comes across as forced rather than sincere. The film makers asked Natalie Portman to cry a river and she cried a river for them.
At the end of watching "The Other Boleyn Girl," I came to the realization that this movie should have been made into a soft-core sex comedy of the 1970s variety. The execution scenes can be cut, extended sex scenes with Scarlett Johannson can be inserted, and the dialogue can be lighter and feature more sly wit and humour. That way, this film will not have to live up to its unrealistic pretensions to greatness and can be a rousing entertainment.