The Orphanage - a review in questions

Rating: 3/10 (16 December 2019)

(3 out of 10 starts - minor spoilers)
Do people rate this film highly and does it get critical acclaim only because it is a foreign film and has Del Toro's name attached to it?
Why did Del Toro lend his name to this?
Why are average moviegoers not able to distinguish between director and producer?
Why was the director allowed to switch from music videos to directing a feature film?
Why does this classify as a horror film when it is not scary at all?
Why does it feel like I have seen this film a hundred times before, only better?
Why does the film feel like a weird mix between horror, ghost, children's movie and melodrama and soap opera?
Why did I kind of wish for more jump scares and gore even though I hate cheap tricks in movies? Only to feel anything?
Was there a ghost movie cliché they did not throw at you? Why do we keep hearing weird noises, seeing dead kids, why do doors open and objects move on their own? Why do we get super-8 movies of creepy kids, supernatural investigators, recording of strange voices, old creepy ladies, dark rooms and hallways, creaky doors, people moving very slowly towards things they shouldn't approach?
Why do the parents always brush over their kid's weird behaviour and imaginary friends?
Why does nobody ever believe the mother?
Why is the opening scene so lame?
Did I imagine the Rocky-like montage where the mum rolls up her sleeves to give the orphanage a makeover to make it look like back in the days, all heroic and sweaty?
How did the film get away as being original when it is ripping off way too much from films out of its league?
Why do the scenes often feel so disjointed?
Why is the acting so bad?
Why did they choose the Spanish version of Marshall from HIMYM to play the dad? Why is the dad not trusting his wife and leaving her all by herself in the house for days when he clearly thinks she is out of her mind?
How many times can you open a scene with an exterior shot of the house?
Why do we/the mother sometimes see the dead kids and sometimes not?
What do the ghosts even want?
What did the standard-by-the-book weird old lady even want?
How are we supposed to be frightened when none of the main characters is ever in danger during the film?
Why do haunted houses always have a secret cellar?
How did the boy get through the cellar door without tearing the wallpaper and without the doorknob?
How did the mother get down the staircase when there was huge hole in it?
Why do I not care to find out whether it is all real or in the mother's mind?
Why does the film try to sell me dead kids and a mom who kills herself as a happy conclusion, which even makes the grieving dad smile? Does the cheesy music make it any better?
Did the main actress morph into a modern day version of Dolly Parton lately so people do not recognize her and do not associate her with this film any longer?