Exploitive, vapid, and absurd - tantamount to pornography

Rating: 1/10 (22 October 2006)

Like many guys, I was roped into watching this film by my girlfriend, and while I was expecting a chick flick that I would not enjoy but that would likely get me laid, nothing could have prepared me for the tidal wave of bullshit I was in for. "The Notebook" is one of the most unimaginitive, exploitive films I have ever seen, and Nicholas Sparks should be curbstomped for every hour he spent churning out this garbage.
Let's start with the positives. Cinematography was inoffensive and fellas, if you watch this with your special lady, you're almost sure to get laid.
And now on to the negatives. "The Notebook," while masquerading as a love story, in fact, has no story at all. The plot is barely existent, the characters are one-dimensional at best and impossible to like beyond a superficial level, and the storyline is shallower than a children's inflatable pool, existing solely to pimp Sparks's Easy-Bake, feel-good concept of romance. While most "chick-flicks" do their best to create likable characters, humorous situations, and some sort of conflict, "The Notebook" is content to instead show only a slideshow reel of Kodak moments, an abstract representation of our fast-food, home shopping network society's ideal of romance.
"The Notebook" is exploitive on every single level. In some ways, the film is worse than pornography, the way it masks its sleazy, purely commercial motivation under the guise of presenting a "love" story. In pornography, plot exists solely as a device to get from point A (the film's exposition), to point B (the sex) as quickly as possible. "The Notebook" uses a similar formula, but instead of graphic sex and nudity, this film's golden calf is a perfect, simplistic romance that faces conflict and challenge on the most superficial level possible. There's a massive section of the movie that contains little aside from the couple kissing each other in a variety of settings, all leading up to their first time sleeping together, which is, of course, perfect, just like everything else in this perfect, vacuous storyline.
I could go on and on, but I'm only allowed 1,000 words in this particular review. "The Notebook" is a shallow, simplistic, and wholly idiotic view of romance that seems to exist solely to make girls horny, a goal which it achieves remarkably. That being said, the film has no value on any real artistic level, be it storytelling, character development, or even simply on the level of pure entertainment. The entire film plays out like a slideshow you might play at your wedding - highlighting all the good times and ignoring anything that might make it remotely interesting. Everyone involved in the making of this film should feel dirty, especially the film-maker himself, who almost completely destroys the pre-eminence of the Cassavettes name in this one effort.