The Notebook: Soppy, Cheesy, a bucket full of Cringe and just plain Bad

Rating: 3/10 (30 December 2014)

CONTAINS SPOILERS
All that can be said is that if you do choose to watch this film and happen to have a weak constitution for slushy mushiness, you are advised to have your sick bags at the ready; or if you're feeling exceptionally sensitive, a box of tissues or maybe 4.
The film begins in present day, as an old man calling himself Duke, superbly portrayed by James Garner, reads a tale from his Notebook about two star-crossed lovers from the 1940's: Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Ally (Rachel McAdams). He's a poor labourer with a passion for love and poetry whilst she's a high-flying society girl with rich parents who naturally, don't approve of the love affair; so far so cliché  Even from the onset we can just see what sort of romantic cliché this film will turn out to be. So typical. A story of how love conquers all, how nothing matters but love, love makes everything become hunky dory; how beautiful! Not. 'The Notebook' may have you in tears, but it had me gagging right from the beginning.
A summer of love and romance, that's what it was! They were together all summer long and couldn't take their eyes (or hands) off each other. Isn't it weird to be able to do that in public in the 1940s? - especially as they were unmarried, oh and wasn't that random house in the middle of nowhere so very convenient? Regardless, they were completely and utterly madly in love with each other. Aww, isn't that just adorable? Because what do we have if we don't have love? Well, money according to Ally's parents, lots and lots of money. Such typical parents they were, haven't we had enough of parents not approving of the poverty stricken bad guy? Oh parents and their dubious morals eh?
Despite the fact they came from completely different backgrounds, they did have a few things in common: They were both crazy, they both did mad things (like lying on a road and waiting for death) and most importantly, they were both CRAZY about each other, ugh someone pass me a sick bucket, please!
Obviously, the couple were destined to be apart and eventually when Ally's parents couldn't separate them, war did. Have we not had enough 'war' stories to last us a lifetime? Do we really need anymore? Apparently yes and a terrible one at that. I mean be original, we need something special not a Romeo and Juliet copycat. And this whole concept of war is just horrible because there was so much more pain and suffering to the second world war than it shows in the film. As if every significant thing that happens in this world is just suddenly linked to some sickening love story.
But oh, it doesn't end there! They meet once again 7 years later when Noah is advertised in a newspaper and everything comes back to Ally again who starts to feel like that love stricken 17 year old once again! Oh like we didn't see that one coming! What is the need to make things so obvious? But after they meet, do they rekindle their romance straight away and get married, live happily ever ¬¬¬¬¬¬after so very wonderfully? Nope, there's a twist: Ally's engaged to the man of her parents' dreams and apparently, hers too uh oh
What makes this film all the more boring is how it constantly flashes back and forth from the past to present day. In the present day we find out that the woman 'Duke' has been reading to happens to be Ally (now not so greatly played by Gena Rowlands) with a profound case of dementia (ooh plot twist). However this is not any type of dementia it's such a 'special' case that for about 5 minutes at the end of every day Ally remembers everything!
The soppiest part was when her children came to visit and were so VERY disheartened by Ally's ability to remember her own children, therefore attempting convince their father Duke (or should I say the very special Noah) to come and live with them again. Oh what caring children they are! I feel like this twist was also quite an obvious because, why else would it start off with an old man reading a story to an old woman? Obviously, these people mean something no? In my opinion, the whole film is completely predictable so the film really is a pointless mess.
What a sentimental fantasy! I mean how on earth would that in any way be logical? Well I guess films are not supposed to be, especially not love films. Nope this one in particular is exceptionally magical because everything (and I really do mean EVERYTHING) seems to work out in their favor, even when Ally essentially no longer has a purpose to her life. Assuming you are not going to watch the film after reading this, let me just ruin it for you completely and tell you that THEY DIE IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS. And that is my friends, how this story ends. I hope, I have not written this for nothing, do not watch this film, or read the book as you may love it and become brainwashed by how ridiculous it is.
So, ladies and gentleman, I hope I've finally persuaded you enough that The Notebook really isn't worth your time. There's so much more you could do with those two hours, really there is. I'd rather sit and watch someone laugh hysterically then go through another two hours of my time watching that. But obviously not everything's all that bad, it's just personal opinion. You have been warned.