I'm not afraid to hurt your last living brain cell

Rating: 1/10 (28 July 2008)

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I've lead a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and for me that has always been enough."
Right. Are you sure it was enough? For you still had to write a "gloriously" stupid book (and make a "gloriously" stupid movie based on it)! Not only stupid. Trite, empty, boring... A glorious disaster!
The characters are dull! Noah is what? Manic-depressive? Manic in the first 5 minutes, and throughout the rest of the movie depressive. Does he even fit the elderly character (you know, the grandpa who winks to young nurses)? Of course not. On the contrary, Allie is always hysterical, and all I got to hear were her constant screams. She seems and sounds like she's trying to reanimate a dead person. (Noah?) That person would probably kill her after the outcome and then peacefully die again. I think she would do perfect in a role of the serial killer's principal victim. Explicit edition only!
The music is simply unbearable!!!
And what about the children? There is only one scene with the all three of them! How superficial does one need to be, to put them in only one scene, and have us believe that they are actually a big part of their grand love and happy fairy tale life? The daughter says "Dad come home, we miss you". But dad had more important issues. He loved mom so much that he had to call on the whole divine/ demonic/ extraterrestrial/ voodoo/etc gang to make them die together?! Touchy. Who cares about children anyway.
And sooooooo many other bugs... Damn I don't even know why I'm writing this. I feel like one of Jeffrey Dahmer's zombies. Even that should feel better than being this numb after watching this piece of... you know what.
The only good thing about this movie is Joan Allen's performance.