Shane Black points his gun at the 70's and misfires

Rating: 2/10 (17 April 2017)

"The Nice Guys" is too self indulgent and arrogant to be loved. It's another example of how great screenwriters prove they are mediocre directors. Shane Black needed a Richard Donner or a Tony Scott to coral and police his scripts into something cinematic. Black appears way too in love with his own words, which is nauseating. Stylistically it looks great, but the tone flounders and fails.
In regards to "The Nice Guys", there is a smugness that shines through from the movie's worst character, the 13-year-old daughter of Ryan Gosling. Don't recall the name, because I just don't care. There's nothing more annoying in a movie, than a child character filled with grown up characteristics. To me, that's lazy writing. Anybody can just slap some adult qualities into an underage character in hopes for a cheap laugh or for a "look at how clever I am" reaction. The character was unnecessary and distracted from what could've been something fun. Are we really supposed to believe that she's going to help them solve the mystery of a dead porn star? On paper, she was probably born in Shane Black's mind as "A 'Nancy Drew' character who sits through a porn film with adults, while being the voice of reason with adults, while holding dying bad guys hands and telling them everything is going to be okay, and then thinking nothing of talking about anal sex and seeing dead bodies... and oh yeah, leaning against a wall, arms crossed with a smug smile on her face when she's got it all figured out." She put the final nail in the coffin of this movie for me.
Ryan Gosling is forced to act stupid, and every chance he tries to be funny, you feel every strain of his acting ability to sell what Shane Black has written, but it comes across as embarrassingly bad. When Gosling finds the body and he tries to scream for Russell Crowe's help... trying to be funny... it falls flat. When he wigs out and sees the talking killer bee... to seeing Nixon swimming... It all falls as flat and unfunny as the dead body they inexplicably throw over the fence. NOT FUNNY. Why did they dump the body in the first place? Why not call the cops? Oh, that's right, Black came up with the cheap gag of a dead body landing on a family outdoor dinner party, and then had to figure out a way to use that within the plot. A good trailer moment, perhaps was the intention, but it failed.
Russell Crowe just looks sad in this movie. Is that really all he could bring to the table? His character looked as bored as Crowe probably was making the movie. His character had absolutely nothing memorable about him. He was no Martin Riggs or Joe Hallenbeck by a long stretch. Hell, I can't even remember a single line of dialogue he spoke, he was so forgettable.
Finally and most off-putting about the entire movie, was the repeated inclusion of children and sexual situations. Some not so bad, some are cringe worthy and head shaking. Here's the list:
A kid taking his father's dirty magazine. (That's fine, it happens) The kid walks up on the naked woman, which we clearly see the child actor standing over the naked adult actress. (Was that necessary?) A young 13-year-old girl buying pot and hanging around a creepy older guy, likely for sex. (At least this was handled better with Russell Crowe punching the guy in the face.) A young foulmouthed kid on a bike bragging about his "big dick" and offering to show it for money. (Is that necessary? It wasn't funny. It was as if Shane Black spent too much time watching "Boogie Nights" and tried to show an underage Dirk Diggler on a bike.) Then Gosling's daughter says "Rim job" which is of course the act of licking an anus. (Did we need to hear her say that? It wasn't that funny.) Now we have the girl watching a stag film around adults as if that's perfectly normal. She even mentions anal sex. REALLY???? (She would've shown more maturity if she looked away from the porn and was more like "I don't think I should be watching this kind of thing yet, might give me the wrong idea." That would've been not so cringe worthy.)
All of this got me thinking, just what in the hell was Shane Black and his co-writer thinking when they wrote this? Did they really want to rely on children mixed with porn as a source of humor? Very strange territory, unless it's done in a more serious manner. Here, it's done as if there's nothing wrong with it and it's okay for kids to watch porn and talk about sex WITH ADULTS. In private, with their peers, that's one thing, but when you start crossing the line, things get uncomfortable and Black never rectifies this issue by the end. He was writing a 70's period piece but in the atmosphere of today's kids who are far too desensitized to sex, thanks to the internet. Had this been present day, it may have worked as an indictment of our current culture, but instead it comes across as Black using it for shocks and laughs without consequences.
Shane Black spent way too much time enjoying large party set pieces and reveling in the 70's atmosphere, then creating memorable characters, and it shows. He struggled to sell the script for more than a decade and without a $1.2 billion blockbuster "Iron Man 3" under his belt, he never would have have sold it. Apparently the main reason he did "Iron Man 3",was so he could bankroll this glossy, 70's, fever dream, pulp novel,smug fest that was "The Nice Guys"