Outrageously awful

Rating: 1/10 (11 November 2016)

This is my first review of a movie ever. I feel like it's my duty to warn people of this non-sense, incoherent, IQ-lowering, completely utter dogshit of a movie. I'm not even exaggerating, it is THAT bad. I went in with great expectations, as the sky-high reviews presents the movie as one of 2016's finest. Oh man, was I wrong to trust these reviews.
After half an hour in, the amount of cringe was unbearable, but I was determined to finish it, it had to get better, right? Oh man, was I wrong once again. I gave up after an hour, I felt like the movie drained me of all will to live, I was on the edge of depression when I had to close my laptop and take a deep breath to prevent myself from crying. How this is rated one of 2016's best movies, is beyond me. I NEVER bail out halfway through a movie, this was the first time, and I don't feel guilty. I should've turned it off an hour earlier.
Mark my words: This is a complete waste of time. Sitting in a tree for a week straight is more beneficial than watching this. I feel scammed, and cheated of my time. After 1 hour I had no idea WTF the plot was, and it did not interest me the slightest to find out.
ROCK BOTTOM: Crowe's performance 0,00000/10 - Halfway wannabe-witty/badass (but comes out as a tired, uninterested fatass with a complete absence of charm) One just wishes for his scenes to be over, for the movie to be over really. Makes you wanna cram your ears and eyes full of dirt.
BEST MOMENT: Ryan Goslings scream when Crowe snaps his arm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTG_3SHjVh8
Doesn't deserve 1 star,
DO NOT WATCH, CANCER ON SCREEN!