I'd Rather Watch Rocks Grow

Rating: 2/10 (19 May 2006)

What a horrible abomination of a movie. This was so boring, I wish I'd watched the entire thing on fast forward. I must have missed the point entirely, if there was one. I suppose it was something about love, but that point was butchered before it was displayed. I daresay I could scribe every word of dialogue contained in this movie on a single scrap of paper. The actors all moved slower than a zombie in a low-budget horror film made by stoners. The only description of the movie I can offer is that it's a type of high-end, college indie-film art project on steroids. This film could easily be substituted for your sleepy-time nature sounds CD. There was plenty of nature to be seen, tranquilizing and beautiful, and you're better off focusing on that than the story. If you watch this movie for a good plot, you'll find yourself choking an employee at your local video rental store, demanding your money back, and screaming, "Why, dear God, why?" The only emotion I could convey in relation to any of the characters was flat-out aggravation. I did not feel sorry for anyone in the movie, because any time any misfortune occurred, I found myself thinking, "Well, that probably would have gone better if the stupid bloke had just said something instead of staring at the camera with complete apathy." This movie inspired me to do nothing more than hate it. I will never forget "The New World". It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen.