Worst. Movie. Ever.

Rating: 1/10 (17 June 2006)

I feel like I just watched a film pieced together from footage that hit the cutting room floor, by a person who was guessing what the original story might have been, while under heavy sedation. The dialog is silly, attempting to paint John Smith as an emo kid in a man's body who doesn't have a clue what is going on most of the time.
Not even Christian Bale can save this, and to make sure, he's kept out of the 2 hour, 15 min film until the last 20 minutes. Then he shows up with no introduction, stands around looking gorgeous but doing nothing much, and delivering the same wheezing voice-over that Colin Farrell did through the first two hours.
There are long stretches where you have no idea what is going on. There are long stretches where you don't care what is going on. The whole thing would have made a beautifully photographed short. A full-length feature should have never happened.