I thought it was rotten eggs - but no - it was this movie!

Rating: 3/10 (20 June 2006)

3 stars
During the film, Pochontas says: "We are grass." Whatever the heck that means. I think it meant whoever authored this mess smoked way too much grass while writing it.
The film is filled with this kind of babbling, pseudo-poetic nonsense by all the characters - that is - what time they bother to speak to each other at all. Frequently questions are asked by one character to another, but never answered.
Pochontas is especially mute. Even after she learns English, Pochontas rarely says more than the occasional word or two, preferring apparently to spend most of her time looking expressionlessly at the ground.
By the way, the young actress playing Pochontas had such a fat upper lip I could only conclude she'd had a collagen injection for it. I don't know why she didn't have the bottom lip done, perhaps she ran out of money. Now that she's made this film, maybe she'll have the funds to finish distorting both of her lips.
The handsome Irish actor, Colin Farrell plays Capt. John Smith. What time he isn't rambling like a degenerate in need of a brain transplant, he just looks nervous, worried, or scared. Come to think of it - that's the only three expressions I've ever seen Colin portray in any film I've ever seen him in. Fortunately, in "Phone Booth" these 3 expressions did him well. In "The New World", he could have done with a bit more diversity.
Throughout the film, John Smith remains looking as if his hair is greasy and like he needs a thorough scrubbing, even when he isn't in the wilderness, but in England.
Now my history books always led me to believe there was never any romance between Pochontas and Capt. John Smith, but bear in mind folks, this is Hollywood, and Hollywood films invariably write history to suit themselves. So, of course, we have to have a romance between John Smith and Pochontas, even though, as we all know, she marries a man named Rolfe.
I can't imagine who would find any interest in this draggy film beyond either fans of the actors/actresses in it, or an avid history buff.
I had looked forward to seeing this film. It should have been interesting. The way it was done - it was not.