And let's end with one more shot of that rock in the creek while the orchestra warms up some more.

Rating: 3/10 (21 January 2006)

I heard somewhere that The New World was going to explode some of the myths surrounding John Smith and Pocahontas. It would inject the story with new vibrancy and excitement, while paying careful attention to historical accuracy. Boy, was I misinformed.
The New World is a pretty film. There are lots of beautiful sequences of rocks and streams and trees and grass (fuzzy grass, prickly grass, green grass, brown grass, lots of grass). Now and then, some humans intrude, but they usually don't say or do anything, other than dance and frolic in the grass. When they do speak, it's off-screen, so you can't be sure whether they're actually talking or just thinking. But don't worry too much that their dialogue will interrupt the mesmerizing bird sounds and water noise -- only rarely do they finish an entire sentence longer than three words. Mostly, the characters say, or perhaps think, scintillating repartee like: "He is a tree." "Who are you?" "I like grass."
You know you've arrived at an exciting part when the incessant orchestral soundtrack wells to a crescendo. It's very lovely and soothing, like the sound of a bathtub running in the next room. With about as much direction and discernible melody. Have you ever listened to a string ensemble warming up? It's slightly discordant, but pretty-sounding nonetheless. The New World let's you enjoy that nondescript droning for an entire feature length film!
In sum, the set was amazing, the cinematography breathtaking, and Colin Farrell's unchanging puppy dog expression endearing (to a point). But it felt like the longest movie I have ever sat through. And it certainly did not debunk any myths about Powhatan-English encounter. It's still a love story between a teen-aged "noble savage" princess drawn by helpless love to throw herself upon a thoughtful, brave, and kind American and save his life (rather than, as current scholarship suggests, a nine year old daughter of a powerful king, instructed by her father to symbolically intercede for the arrogant and cruel Englishman so that Powhatan could demonstrate not only his power to execute, but also his capacity to show mercy). Don't watch this, unless you bring your yoga mat.