I wanted to like this movie (gripes and minor spoilers)

Rating: Null/10 (14 July 2001)

Saw the Mummy Returns at our movie buffet. (Four dollars gets you a movie just coming out of the first run theaters and all the soda and popcorn you care to eat. Not a bad deal.) I didn't think that it was absolutely the worst movie of all time, but it was pretty awful. First, the pros: They assembled the original cast (actually everyone was griping about how tenuous the link was between this and the original, but I didn't think it was that bad. Certainly it wasn't the biggest problem the movie had) and the bimbo appeal was great. The cons: It takes itself way too seriously, and the gags aren't NEARLY as funny as they think they are. I interpreted the first movie as rather tongue in cheek, kind of poking fun at itself along the way, but not so with this. I kept wondering if there was some kind of oblique biblical reference going on, what with there being 12 tribes of desert warrior people, as compared to the 12 tribes of the Israelites. The badguys were the only characters that were even mildly interesting. I don't know quite what was going on with the pygmy mummies, as I had broken my glasses and I really can't see without them...but I bet it was stupid. Everything was overstylized. Why draw your sword like a normal person when you can whip it out of the sheath with some elaborate motions and some Power Rangers sound effects? Ugh.