I would rather have an aneurism...

Rating: 1/10 (4 May 2001)

The Mummy Returns was possibly the most inconstitent movie I have ever seen. There were at least twenty times during the movie where the plot completely fell to pieces and the viewer was left so totally confused that there was nothing else to do but get lost in the incessant wave of visual effects, which were no where near as impressive as the previews made out. I can't even begin to describe the plot holes that so confounded me with their stupidity that it made Independence Day look like a screenplay masterpiece worthy of Oscar recognition. Of course, Brandon Fraiser was as wooden as ever, the British girl (whatever her name his) is just as annoying as every movie she has been in, the kid is ridiculous, and all the other characters don't even have enough personality between them to pull off the Olson twins on Full House. Simply put, I'm so dumb struck by the sheer monstrosity this 'film' represents that I would prefer to watch every episode of Step by Step and Family Matters back to back before I would sit through that utter maggot-ridden garbage born from Satan's bowels. Please, please, please- save your money, save your dignity, and save your kids- don't see it.