The Mummy "Flops"

Rating: Null/10 (1 September 2004)

Oh... how sad it is to be a sequel these days. You have a 1 in 10 chance of actually being better than the original... this isn't one of those times.
Where did they go wrong? Lets start with the constant lip lock love affair between Fraser and Weisz.. It was just a little too much. Every 25 minutes these two are engaged in passionate kissing to show their amount of love for each other. How many times did you want to throw your popcorn at the movie screen and scream "get a room people!"?
I can't stop at just that. How about information that would have been really helpful in the first movie? Brendan Fraser now has a tattoo that we just never saw in the first movie that marks him as a Magi and a protector... Gee... wouldn't that have been useful to know before the Magi raided the camp in The 1st Mummy?
Thought that was it? Wrong! What in god's name is up with the whole balloon scene? I swear that was the same balloon used in Waterworld... and as I recall it wasn't all that reliable in Costners flick either.
How about all the horrible, cheesy, lifeless, laughless one liners flying out of Fraser's mouth? Come on... people. You can't just take a movie.. throw in a high special effects budget and try and build a terrible script around it. Okay you can in Hollywood. For the serious film buffs such as myself... I see right thru all the ignorant dribble seemingly written by two 12 yr old's who ran out of good fart jokes.
How about the Rock? My favorite Wrestler... The People's Scorpion gets all of 5 minutes in the movie... Heck the trailer had more of his face splattered across the screen than the actual movie. See they suckered us into this one. Here we thought we'd see the Rock Bottom and The People's elbow... err... i mean... claw. What do we get? 5 minutes of the Rock killing and eating a scorpion followed by a very sad special effects creation that resembles Graham Greene and a Scorpion. Sad... but true.
Last but definitely never least... the introduction of a child character into the movie. Or as I call it the "Scrappy-Doo" effect. Bringing whiz kids that have little to no fear of 1000 yr old walking corpses and giant man scorpions completely defeats the purpose of portraying the villains as truly evil creatures. If the kid isn't afraid... why should the audience be? I don't know about you... but if I were 9 years old and standing toe to toe with a walking talking dead guy... I'd be a tad distraught by the whole ordeal.
The Mummy Returns may have done enough to make back the money spent to create this awful sequel... but in the end... It took away from all the greatness of the original movie.
Bottom Line--> Fraser... Indian Jones you ain't.