CGI roller-coaster ride for kids

Rating: 4/10 (30 August 2016)

As the latest overblown big-budget remake hits our cinema screens, once again I despair at the direction Hollywood is taking. If it's not making cheap, sentimental dross, then more likely than not the new offering will be a film full of CGI effects and nothing else. And THE MUMMY falls into this latter category amiably enough, not being bad enough for me to rant on endlessly about the faults, just being boringly average and entertaining enough on a superficial level for me to moan about the state of the world these days.
Forget about the original MUMMY film for a start, as it had Boris Karloff in it. Karloff was an actor. A real, true, actor. Sadly there is little acting in this film, and what there is instead is atrocious comedy filler which is recycled and totally lame in concept. The 'actors' are required to run around and react to various pyrotechnic or computer generated effects, and that's exactly it. There is little plot, with the film merely being a string of action sequences, so many that it's hard to label this film horror at all.
The 12 certificate means there is virtually no blood in the film, so the deaths are not very good, and those which are left to the imagination are the most effective. A variation on the black slime from THE X-FILES turns up in the form of a flesh-burrowing scarab beetle in an amusing scene, but the effects of the beetles never look for a moment convincing - they look like exactly what they are, computer graphics. The ten plagues are understated (a fountain runs red to show 'rivers running with blood' - talk about disappointing) and merely an excuse for more special effects, briefly done. The action scenes are probably the best thing the film has to offer, and Fraser leaping about firing two handguns is enjoyable enough.
Unfortunately, the mummy itself is most disappointing. The original form is fine, but then some idiot had to give it eyes and a tongue so it could talk, ruining the effect. The mummy makes scary faces like it's in a Disney film, so that also ruins any frights there might have been. It's just ludicrous and downright embarrassing. The regeneration moments are okay, but Arnold Vosloo is not exactly a frightening person, and his naked torso and eye make up just make him look like a drag queen in his/her finest silk dressing gown.
Which leads me on to the acting. Rachel Weisz is a bad actress and therefore well suited to this film, she fits in nicely. Worst of all she's British, and her grating accent soon becomes apparent. Look, nobody speaks English like this and the portrayal borders on stereotypical. John Hannah is a bit better as a timid, weak coward type, and to be fair I found myself liking him. Brendan Fraser is also okay as the brainless Indiana Jones-type explorer, and he's good in the action scenes. The rest of the characters are all one-dimensional stereotypes and not worth bothering with. The special effects are pretty bad, with Vosloo's stretchy jaw being the worst offender. Gosh, it's ridiculously bad! The beetles are fake, and only the sand faces are effective. Stephen Sommers, with this and DEEP RISING, shows himself to be a competent director, but I only wish he could get better material and steer himself away from these FX-filled bloaters. Then perhaps he might make something interesting. THE MUMMY is a bit enjoyable in a loud, superficial, disengage the brain kind of way, but otherwise it's sorely disappointing, much as you would expect from Hollywood these days. And something of an embarrassment all round. And this was a hit? What's the world coming to?