THE MUMMY: It's A Wrap.

Rating: Null/10 (8 May 1999)

Having just returned from seeing Universal's "big-budget" remake of THE MUMMY, the most remarkable effect the film had on me was its ability to make 14 completely good dollars disappear. Expecting to see a horror film, my friends and I were duped into seeing a weak, self-parodic COMEDY!
The trailers for this unfortunate miscreant seemed promising, hinting towards a dramatic Grand Guignol in the vein of BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA. Instead, writer/director Stephen Sommers recreates a Universal classic as a sophomoric conglomeration of Hollywood's worst cliches.
The film's opening is promising; Imhotep's dastardly deeds are presented against a convincing ancient Egyptian setting. Unfortunately, it seems that CGI effects are most plausible when used to recreate locations, rather than living beings. The Mummy himself, as he appears later in the film, is about as frightening as wet toast. Arnold Vosloo certainly looks menacing as the titular meanie, but the siren-song of CGI rears its ugly head once again. Apparently, the digital artists just can't resist using the new technology to stretch a character's face to ridiculous proportions. This is THE MUMMY, dammit, not THE MASK.
Also, instead of a traditional sturdy action hero, Brendan Fraser's Indiana Jones clone is merely a Bruckheimer-esque one-liner spouting bore. Rachel Weisz, while charming, is little more than a bookish twit; John Hannah, as her bumbling brother, does no better, and Bernard Fox is completely wasted as a besotted pilot. Perhaps worst of all is Kevin O'Connor, who comes across as a human version of ALADDIN's Iago; his dialogue is so moronic that one almost expects to hear it in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. The obligatory band of American tough-guys, all unknowns, may as well have had "EXPENDABLE" stamped on their foreheads.
Sommers' ridiculous material sank what could have been a grand scream-fest. He seems to subscribe to the "chemistry" school of filmmaking. A pinch of ALADDIN, a pound of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, a hefty dose of ARMY OF DARKNESS (just wait until Imhotep's squad of commando-mummies leaps into the fray)...with its profusion of idiotic one-liners (and its PG-13 rating), THE MUMMY might better have been titled BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE EGYPT.
Perhaps it's a good thing that the CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON remake is suspended in development limbo; if this is the best that Universal expects from its remakes, maybe the powers-that-be should try something radical, something no self-respecting Hollywood studio has dared to produce in years: SOMETHING NEW!
In short, THE MUMMY is a typical piece of Hollywood crap; the only curse it spawned was the one I uttered upon leaving the theater. If you're looking for a decent thriller, rent the 1932 Karl Freund original and ignore this miserable load of spunt.