Not Quite So Monumental

Rating: Null/10 (15 February 2014)

As if you didn't have enough ammunition to despise Adolf Hitler, The Monuments Men exposes the Nazis' additional goals to eradicate the precious artworks of the world, essentially erasing the history and legacies of many. In this fictionalized recount, Frank Stokes (played by George Clooney) assembles an inexperienced crew of cohorts to take back these most prized paintings, sculptures, and whatnot from the Nazis and return them to their rightful owners. What basically teases a remarkable cast- comprising your favorite actors/comedians- only reveals itself to be a broken promise. What it is is the year's first major disappointment since I could honestly find very few redeeming qualities in its content, if any at all.
Most of the cast (from the likes of George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Jean Dujardin, Cate Blanchett, and more) are just playing themselves, and even then, a lot of them are severely underrepresented and aren't given the proper amount of time to shine. Specifically, I have no idea who chose to cast Cate Blanchett as a Frenchwoman- wildly unconvincing, especially considering her inconsistent accent. This might feel somewhat like a digression, but I am immensely irritated by Hollywood's overt reliance on either British or American actors. Was it too difficult to find a French actress to play that role? We've got Marion Cotillard, Juliette Binoche, Julie Delpy, Bérénice Bejo- case in point: an abundance of highly talented French actresses you could've effortlessly fit into that role, but nope, apparently, Hollywood requires for every other European nationality- from Russians to the French- to be portrayed by British or American actors because they're "Oscar winners and they can probably play anything," right?
Anyways, back to the film itself, we could've easily had a plethora of memorable interactions, comedic or dramatic, but too much time is wasted on flat jokes and unnecessary, insipid dialogue- too much dwelling on the characters' personal lives and pasts that unfortunately adds nothing to their complexity (there is none). Most importantly, the film loses quite a bit of intrigue and appeal with every passing minute; it's definitely not as engaging and entertaining as it had the potential to be. Simply put, it's terribly dragged out and the ending is fairly anti-climactic. A considerable portion of the film is largely uneventful. I mean, what are they even exactly doing for the first hour and a half? During this catastrophic and traumatizing period, the characters have an amusing time walking around and chatting, but there's absolutely no hint of progress until the very last quarter of the narrative. It's a whole lot of exposition that leads to an embarrassingly unsatisfying climax.
As I was saying, the picture is pervaded by humor but to an excessive and unrestrained extent, which only lends itself to failure since the majority of the jokes fall flat (a few effectively deliver, and even those are eventually played out). There were a few scenes that finally unraveled with the right emotional or thematic impact, but those were very, very few and far between. The premise had my attention but again the movie slaughtered its potential even if it put in some effort. All in all, The Monuments Men was George Clooney's first directorial (transparent) dud that's acutely forgettable and surprisingly void of any entertainment. I would've much rather settled for a documentary to delineate this fascinating historical event.