Frank Darabont flunks this IQ test

Rating: 3/10 (10 November 2010)

The Mist is an appalling film on so many levels. It's stupid. It's shallow. It's pretentious. It's dull. It's unpleasant. It's obvious and feeble attempts to manipulate its audience are equaled in awfulness by its intolerant and ill-conceived moral posturing. This is the sort of movie that leaves you wondering what in the world the filmmakers thought they were doing, because nothing about the movie works in any way.
Adapted from a Stephen King novella, The Mist tells the story of the residents of a small Maine town that are trapped inside a supermarket when a strange mist rolls in. The mist brings with it bizarre monsters that kill anyone who goes outside, while inside the supermarket a thoroughly hateful woman begins whipping people up into a murderous, religious frenzy in that face of what she thinks is a Biblical apocalypse. Eventually, a small group of people secretly plan to flee the supermarket, preferring to face whatever is in the mist instead of their fearful and violent fellow human beings.
And that's about it. I realize that doesn't seem like such a terrible plot, but that's really all that happens in a movie that lasts just over 2 hours. There are a lot of pointless, useless scenes that do nothing but kill time in place of actually telling a story. The plot is very much structured like a fast-paced horror-thriller with the characters being quickly moved into position and the threat being established. But then, writer/directed Frank Darabont slooooows everything down and streeeeeetches everything out so he can pontificate on how religious dogma is merely a cover for the basest human emotions of fear and hate.
As bad as that sounds, what's even worse is that Darabont can't even pontificate well. This is a horribly written film, where moral and ethical dilemmas are set up in the most simplistic of ways and where characters not only explain to you what's going on but also detail exactly what it's supposed to mean. There's never a moment when the religious woman isn't plainly evil and what she's doing isn't clearly wrong. Which would be fine if this was trying to be a roller-coaster ride that isn't mean to be taken seriously. But Darabont very distinctly want the audience to take everything he's doing seriously because he thinks he has something important to say. The only thing this movie says, however, is "Frank Darabont is not as smart as he thinks he is".
That's demonstrated by the fact that there's never any alternative established to the religion that Darabont evidently abhors. Logic and reason aren't that alternative, because the character in the movie that most embodies those traits is a raging jackass who is irrationally skeptical to suicidal extremes. Nothing defines the small group that opposes the religious madness inside the supermarket except the fact they don't get swept up in it. But there's never any reason given or shown for to explain why. Without offering some course to be taken, some other creed to believe, Darabont's effort at righteous thunder feels more like petulant whining.
None of the characters in this thing ever act, feel or sound like real people. They're just very dumb nails in service to The Almighty Plot Hammer. Now, the actors all do fairly decent work. Marcia Gay Harden is suitably vile as the religious fanatic who stirs everyone up and Thomas Jane plays the everyman hero quite well. But all of these characters are so cramped and contrived that none of the actors have a chance to shine or even breathe. Take Thomas Jane's hero. There's nothing particularly heroic about him and there's never any reason given for why he's the hero of the story. He just is.
And then there's the ending. Oh, boy! This film has one of the most insulting and infuriating endings I've ever seen and I don't mean that in a good way. Sometimes an ending can shock and disturb you because you're caught up in the story and the conclusion punches you in the heart and leaves you stunned. The ending to The Mist will leave you stunned, but at who the hell ever thought this ending was a good idea. It's not just unbelievably idiotic, it's one of those endings that invalidates the story you've just watched and leaves you wondering what the point of watching it was. It's the sort of casual nihilism that marks an immature heart and spirit.
The Mist is a cinematic failure in almost every way. Even for a Stephen King adaptation, it's notably bad, which is saying a lot. Avoid this movie like it really was a mist filled with flesh-tearing beasts.