Needs an MST3K reboot!

Rating: 1/10 (6 April 2015)

The Mist: Just your everyday story of WASP America in crisis. A guide to its making.
1) Take the religious woman goes nutty scene from The Birds and expand into a whole screenplay. Not religious myself, but I'd sooner spend an afternoon with ISIS than crackpot Kate here.
2) Steal the premise from Dawn Of The Dead and have the author who failed to get his script filmed for Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull write the script. And direct it. "He made the Shawshank Redemption. It must be good!" Gee, King read a lot of comic books as a kid. And saw a lot of 50s sci-fi movies. Must be time for a reboot of stuff like Beast With A Million Eyes.
3) Have a bunch of stereo-types sit around in a supermarket and talk a lot. About nothing at all. Then have Mr Hero bond with Sensible Woman Who Always Looks Concerned, often cries, and holds onto Mr. Hero's son while he springs into action. Yaayy! That's what I want from modern cinema - paper thin characters and dumb dialogue. And scenes where I can predict what's going to happen. Makes me feel safe...
4) Now lets attack a few bit part actors with fake tentacles. Which try to smash down a corrugated steel door. While leaving the 300ft long glass window alone. "Nah, screw story logic. We don't need it."
5) Have everyone do the wrong thing at exactly the wrong moment, including converting to Christian fundamentalism after a batty talk from said Religious Woman Who Goes Nutty. "Oh Gorgo, Mormo, thousand-faced moon, look favourably on our sacrifices." While in Tescos.
6) Have a lawyer-type come up with the theory that about 100 people in the supermarket are putting on a practical joke at his expense. He was probably the same guy from The Poseidon Adventure who went the wrong way.
7) Have a character killed messily the moment he does something morally wrong or breaks a rule of bad script-writing, like not listening to the hero when he says "Don't go out there".
8) Have your supermarket cashier be a crack pistol shot that would put the Navy Seals to shame. Stallone was unavailable so they hired Toby Jones....
9) Add a pinch of The Wicker Man. Bit of Christian Fundamentalist Ritual Sacrifice to give Super Religious Nutty Woman something to do in the second half of the film. King saw it once - "Hey I can use that. Matheson, Lovecraft, Hell even James Herbert. If they wrote horror they can be ripped off."
10) Have hardened soldiers commit suicide because "It was all our fault".
11) Insert the most moronic twist-ending you can ever think of. And to think it's these heroes who refer to Super Religious Nutty Woman as the Reverend Jim Jones....This is the Doctor McCoy school of script writing from Star Trek V. King/Darabont probably saw that as well
Hey Presto! You have a movie devoid of any originality that is often risible and ridiculous. Nevermind. Lots of people with no idea whatsoever of what a good movie is will give it a 10..."because it's cool."