Should have been a lot smarter

Rating: 5/10 (14 April 2010)

It's got George Clooney in it and it feels like a movie the Coen Brothers might have directed but decided against. In fact, Goats reminds us a lot of Burn After Reading, except it is a tad funnier. Nonetheless, this isn't a comic tour de force by any means, it's actually a middling motion picture with a lot of wasted talent and one of the weakest wrap-ups in recent movie annals.
The intentionally witty title puts Goats in somewhat close proximity to previous anti-war efforts like Wag the Dog, save for the lack of mature political satire here. Instead, we get a story that starts out well enough, with Jeff Bridges portraying Lt. Colonel Bill Django, who has a revelation during combat in Vietnam and decides to sell the military on the New Earth Army. This para-normal psy ops force would practice all manner of unique peaceful warfare techniques, tapping unreal forces such as positive mind control, phasing and "sparkling eyes". In short, warrior monks.
Django recruits numerous men, among them George Clooney's Lyn Cassady. Clooney's in full Coen Bros mode here, and while his facial expressions and demeanor are as funny as ever, he can't save this movie. He's not aided at all by Kevin Spacey, who does the film's principal antagonist, one Larry Hooper, who by the way introduced the goat staring. Spacey is particularly ineffective here.
While the backstory takes place mostly during the cold war, the overlaying structure is told through the point of view of Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor), a Michigan-based journo escaping a failed marriage through venturing to 2003 or 2004 Iraq as a second-rate war correspondent. After finally making it to the frontlines, all Wilton manages is to get involved in a re-kindled pys ops program involving the above characters. Which leads to myriad jokes about the force and jedi warriors. Probably in the script before McGregor was picked, they still come across rather cheap when told in his presence.
This is where Goats doesn't cut it. While the provocative premise of a hippie battalion of men with psychic superpowers and the disarming tenacity of true love sounds appealing, the execution falters, and the final moments are just an embarrassment, as the whole thing wraps up amateurishly like a goofy version of the finale from Three Kings. The main quartet of actors does well, McGregor is still very likable, but aside from a few hilarious moments, Goats ends up unimpressive, unmoving and forgettable. It's not like slamming your head against the wall, but it sure isn't worth walking on hot coals for.