The Day the Matrix Stood Stupid

Rating: 1/10 (12 December 2013)

After first seeing Revolutions on a midnight opening show a decade back in 2003, I fired it up on a streaming service to see how it has aged. I remember being really disappointed the first time I saw the movie. But not as disappointed as I was after seeing Reloaded. While the second movie in the trilogy was a borefest let down I'll never forget, Revolutions packs the bigger surprise. Watching this a second time after a decade, boy was I blown away, I was tired and I didn't even remember what movie I had started watching once it was all over.
It's awful. Reoladed is merely bad. Mediocre to the point of obsolescence. But this is offensively awful. Revolutions isn't even interesting enough to make me sick, to paraphrase Cher from The Witches of Eastwick. I'd go so far to say Revolutions is also unfortunately and massively influential. Everything wrong with all recent action movies you can trace to this train wreck.
Endless BAD computer graphics? They're all here. Revolutions wasn't the first movie to assault the viewer with so much nonsense computer fakery, but it definitely did it on the largest scale. In the CGI fights, NEO and Smith posses the human likeness of a Stretch Armstrong doll. Don't blame the technology because in 2003, there weren't any excuses.
Worst part of Man of Steel, Transformers and Avengers? You know the skyscraper tear-down fist fights. Yeah they took it all from Revolutions and it was just as boring.
Avatar mechs? Yeah they stole those from here. Which stole them from an endless line of comic books. And yeah, they're boring.
Jesus symbology. Yawn. So bad.
I never laughed so hard seeing so much lead expended from firearms and only one or two bullets ever hitting anybody. You know I'm a huge John Woo fan but Yun-Fat is a much better marksman than all the pseudo firearm Jedis in this stinker.
If there is any movie with worse dialog this side of Troll 2, than Revolutions, it hasn't been made yet. The writing is among the worst - or best - examples of Deus Ex Machina. Nothing is motivated from action or character. Stuff in the movie happens just because. There is truly about 10 minutes of actual movie here. Watching Revolutions I could not stop thinking about the all too obvious Futurama parody, "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid." Fry finishes the episode victorious by locking the squid-like brains away in a "A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors."
Fry's explanation is the best description of this terrible train wreck of a production you'll ever find.
Battleship Earth has nothing on this