Sweet Bouncin' baby Jesus

Rating: 1/10 (5 November 2003)

Well...I went to see Matrix: Revolutions today. For those who have not seen it, I ask kindly that you skip my post, 'cause it's gonna be laden with spoilers.

S P O I L E R S
A H E A D
Still here? Okay, it's your funeral.
WHAT A LOAD OF BLOATED, SELF-REVERENT, OVER-STATED SCREAMING BULLSHIT!!!!!!! Yeah. I didn't like it. I'm a fan of tight, muscular scripts. Scripts that make sense. Scripts that actually help you find the answers to the questions raised in the script. I read a review that claimed that the film was like any good religion, in that the answers aren't readily available. WHAT IN THE BLUE BABY JESUS HELL???? It's a goddamned movie!!! It's not Christianity, it's not Daoism, it's not Buddhism. It's a MOVIE. Neo has gone from being "The One" to being an annoyance in the Matrix. Wasn't the point of the Original Matrix that he had learned control over the computer program. In effect, that he could do what he wished? Why didn't he just take over Agent Smith and kick his programmed ass from here to Cleveland? I was disappointed by Matrix: Reloaded because there was fight scenes with no rhyme or reason, that it was basically the Warchowski Bros given so much budget they had to figure out what to do with it. Yes, the action sequences are good. but as stated in the past, ANYONE can have good action these days. You gotta have a solid story to hook it into. A story, for example, like Die Hard. That is a muscular script. THere's no wasted space. After the original, Matrix movies did nothing but meander.
Why can Neo affect machines in the real world? Why can Neo see after being blinded? HOw did Agent Smith overwrite a human being's consciousness? What the hell was Agent Smith's Point in existence? What was the Architect doing? What was the Oracle doing? So the Merovingian controls old programs. but what purpose does he serve? And to that point, what the hell happened to the Ghost Twins? What the hell did they do? Why weren't *THEY* the f****ng agents?? Morpheus and Neo couldn't even touch them! WHy did the machines just decide to stop the war when they were so close to winning against the humans? Yeah, Neo did them a favor by taking care of Agent Smith. Big f***ing whoop. They could drop the fleshbodies and kickstart the Matrix anyway.
Some will say they liked the movie *Like my roomie* because it makes you think. Fine, I like thinkin. But ONLY if there's a clear cut answer waiting for me at the end of the journey. Like Return of the King. I know the story, but I am waiting and drooling to see what Peter Jackson has set up. The last two movies have been pure art, and I know he's not going to disappoint now. I said a silent prayer before Matrix:revolutions, praying it wouldn't suck... If it weren't for the platypus, I wouldn't believe in god.