Well that wasn't very good.

Rating: 3/10 (6 November 2003)

{SPOILERS}

I think the fairest way of summing up Reloaded is to imagine director Andy Wachowski sitting down in an empty theatre to watch the first running of the completed Revolutions. Two hours pass. The credits roll. Andy thinks "Um ... it was better in my head."
Revolutions disappoints. It doesn't deserve a manic slagging off like some comments are doing, but what is does deserve is a few kicks up the backside for screwing up the chance to create the most memorable movie of the decade. The first cracks appeared as the reverse-gravity fight broke out outside the S+M bar. I remember thinking - Guns. Pillars. Acrobatics. What could be more embarrassing than the Wachowskis ripping off their own movie? Failing at it, that's what. They could have done so much with this scene, but it falls over itself in a heap of gunfire, bodies and techno beats in exactly the opposite way that the pillar fight in the first Matrix succeeded. I've seen video games that exploit bi-directional gravity so much better - anyone remember the mindblowing Aztec levels from Serious Sam?
Then they talk to the Merovingian (sp?) His face is there, his charisma is there, his accent is there, and yet someone seems to have taken his script away. All his delightful wordplay from Reloaded is gone, and he says something along the lines of 'Blah blah I am totally irrelevant in this movie and I think the audience are working this out too. Get me the Oracles' eyes.' Trinity: 'No.' Merovingian: 'Oh sod this, here's Neo, now get out my bar.' Also, I was surprised to see Persephone back by his side. Wasn't this the woman that betrayed you and nearly killed you in Reloaded? At least put her in handcuffs or something. There's plenty of them around. Then we get the embarrassing Mexican standoff which is very silly indeed, and making the people wear Gimp suits didn't exactly highten the drama.
Most of the film concentrates on the battle for Zion. And here's the problem - we don't care. Because the sides are using such silly weaponry and tactics, it's very difficult to take the drama seriously. For example - the mechanical frames that the soldiers strap onto. Who designed them so the cockpit would be left completely open and the pilot completely exposed? And the Sentinel's tactics aren't much better either. They swarm around in these incredibly tight masses. I remember thinking - A simple World War II flak cannon could make a hundred thousand kills in about three minutes against this lot. Of course, movie buffs could counter this argument by saying Well it's Hollywood isn't it and it's all dramatic licence. True, but I'd imagine as the suffering people of Zion scraped the remains of some poor sucker out of his robot suit they'd think We really, really should have put more thought into this. The battle for Zion descends into a sort of rendering exercise for the CGI programs involved.
What really hurts, though, is the ending. Neo makes a deal with the Matrix where he will defeat Smith and the humans will be left in peace. Instantly, the audience thinks - Where's my guarantee? Before long Neo is indeed fighting Smith, and is defeated. Smith says something like 'Surely your social etiquette and whatnot is just as complex and constrictive as the Matrix itself.' That was truly insulting to the audience to suggest what the Matrix trilogy was supposed to be all 'about' in a metaphorical way. Social etiquette?
Anyway, Neo is defeated and Smith tries to assimilate him, but it turns out that Neo is some sort of booby trap and Smith explodes. The film ends with the Architect and the Oracle finalising the truce. That, dear sirs, is when I ran out of patience. So all of the trilogy was just a game played between the A and the O and no-one had any choice or any chance of making a difference. How can I enjoy the first two films again knowing that? Of course war will break out again between the humans and the matrix, as the peace is not what a stable equilibrium, with neither side getting what they want.
Nobody likes to be jerked off and confused like this in a movie, and if you wanted to be clever then sorry Misters Wachowski but you have succeeded in coming across as antisocial and incompetent.