The Matrix...Retarded

Rating: 1/10 (7 November 2003)

It's November, and the mindless money grubbing FX machine has rolled out in full force. Now after i've seen this movie and taken a step back, i realized that its nothing but a money train running out of control; riding the previous success of the original.
The matrix is a mixed bag of bad acting, over-acting, under-acting, lame moments, over the top CG and a table full of muppets. Now before you call the crazyhouse to come pick me up, allow me to explain. The bad acting is apparent everywhere. Obviously, acting was not on the menu when the director and the casting director went shopping. Keanu Reeves can't act, i'm sorry. Scene after scene of stone faced Reeves cements that fact. Can he express any emotion other than, "Whoa!?". Next we have over-acting which can clearly be seen by the lackies riding the robots. Especially that fool, Captain "Constipated". Under acting is served up by Mr. Anderson once again as his stoned face is mirrored by Trinty. Trinty, who's finally put out of her misery. They have absolutely no on screen chemistry. Now for the lame moments, they were everywhere. I found myself laughing at many parts that i don't think i was supposed to. I noticed this from the entire audience i was with. From the stupid looks on the faces of Zionians to the stupid poses by Agent Smith. The computer graphics which looked alright in most parts was just too overwhelming. You can't make the backbone of a movie the CG. It looks cheap and fake. Case in point, the little slow-motion punch by Neo delivered to a rubber faced Agent Smithers. Also bad was the little drill machines that broke through the walls of Zion. You know what they looked like? I'm sure i wasn't the only one who thought this but they looked like little turds squeezing through and plopping down in the drain. Now whats more annoying than a civilization in peril, who are controlled by a group who does absolutely nothing to help, nothing to contribute but scorn and ridicule those who are trying to help? I'll tell you what more annoying, when they're looking like a table of muppets or circus freaks. Looks like someone freed the freak section of the matrix and let loose the circus of poor fashion sense. This "council" is nothing more than a table full of geriatrics with dreadlocks and hippie stink. They should have loaded a canon full of their useless hippie carcuses and fired them at the squids.
That brings me to another geriatric. Colonel Sanders, aka, the architect. When i saw him, i started getting cravings for fried chicken. How are we suppose to take this movie seriously when the dude who supposedly created the matrix looks like he should be on a bucket of fried poultry?
Now finally comes the count down to the "END"...that makes no sense:
1.The long struggle against the machines. Lets not forget, has been going on for centuries.
2.The programs which the machines created to control the minds of their energy providing blood sacks.
3.An actual physical war that is ongoing.
4.Insignificant rogue program that could have easily been erased. (lets not forget the story from the original where the original matrix was a paradise but didn't work, so they simply erased and created a new one).
5.Zion on the ropes and literally about to be crushed.
6.Neo the moron, strikes a deal with machines to terminate the rogue program. *Now lets take a look back* Why would the machines need Neo to take care of Smith? Why wouldn't the machines simple unplug the matrix and reset it? I guess were suppose to be too stupid to think that up. The writers obviously didn't give us much credit.
7.The stupid fight which ended with a stupid ending as Smith terminates himself, knowing full well that he was doing what he shouldn't.

8.Then the really dumb part comes. Neo had struck a deal with the machines. *Now lets take another step back* The machines hate humans and have eraticated them in the past, bringing them back as their food source. Now that 1 human has helped them swat a fly that they could have swat themselves, suddenly all is forgiven. Those who want to leave the matrix ,can and the machines suddenly allow their food to run away.
Now what should have happened in that situation by all logical thinking is that the machines kept on attacking Zion, crushed the resistence and continue living and thriving off the bodies of those who remain in the matrix.
What this movie failed to do, is it failed to accomplish its main objective. In part 1, the main objective of the resistence as we were lead to believe is to topple the machines and take back the earth. Have they done that? Obviously not. No they supposedly live in harmony with the machines who have enslaved them for centuries. The tag line was, what has a beginning, has and end? It should have been, What has a beginning takes a break, and we won't show you the end.
Lastly, a parting thought...Is this a Matrix movie in the sense that what we were served up in part one was "the Matrix"? Heck no. All the style is gone, all the flair, all the coolness. Its all gone. This and Reloaded were nothing more then taking what was "cool" and "hip" in the original and milking it for all its worth. In reloaded we were drilled by the martial arts and leather jackets, over and over again till we puked. In this installment we were drilled with the special effects.
ALL IN ALL: Nothing but a conglomerate of cliches and bad story telling.
1 out of 10
Bring on the King...The Return of the King!