A Phantom Menace

Rating: 1/10 (17 May 2003)

I was looking forward to seeing this film. Wow... with the limited expectations I had I couldn't believe how poor this stinker really was.
The first Matrix should have been left alone, just like the original Star Wars did not need Lucas to help the world understand his glory by creating Duds Episode One and Two. Well, thanks to the Wachowskis, we now have Phantom Menace 2003. But give Lucas credit -- at least the plot made sense and you understood the awful dialogue.
The opening scene gives away the entire movie -- Trinity does her kick ass routine with the special effects that made the Matrix interesting. Do we really need to see this opening... again? Ah yes, of course, since this time it's longer and provides even more special fx. Wowee.
Run into long first hour with nothing but boring shots of Zion, pontificating, speeches with powerful words that could be summed up in a sentence, and the lust between Trinity and Neo that is a relationship colder than the colors in this film.
Now let's get to the plot. Agent Smith now talks some gobbledygook about being released from the machine which means he can replicate himself. Uh... didn't we see something like this in the first movie? If the machines could send "sentinels" why couldn't the matrix send 1,000 of them? Of course they could but there wouldn't be any suspense in the fighting scenes. But I digress because people here actually think they "got" the brilliance of the film.
We introduce several new characters who ultimately seem to have nothing to do with the story and will undoubtedly appear for cameos in the final film, those being Merivingian and the twins. Were they needed? No, but the Wachowskis decided that the Matrix needed to have a diabolical villian for a really cool, long fight and car chase.
Visiting the Oracle again... no spoiler but suffice it to say that there is a little twist thrown in but nothing overwhelming. More confusing nonsense about metaphysics, choice, fate, blah, blah, blah. Then we hear more about some absolutely preposterously absurd plot about what it really all means. My thought was -- you MUST be joking. After the great idea in the original film it all comes down to this stinker?
Make no mistake. This is not a thought provoking film and all the philosophical debate in the film does not make it any smarter than this film is. It's an excuse to make another Matrix film. The money was just so big so it was going to be done, as was the third. My guess is that if the box office is big for the third, the Wachowskis will begin to do the trilogy that happened before the original Matrix and this series will be known as The Matrix episodes IV, V, and VI.
Pros - nice effects, style, high budget production. Cons - dumb film with few redeeming moments, first hour boring as hell, overlong effects and fights to cover up the lack of plot, zero true character development, some pretty bad dialogue, second rate acting, and a story intended to confuse so it can have teenagers yapping about something that they think is deep. Pathetic. Insulting. Happy as heck I didn't have to pay to see this tripe.