I FEEL SORT-OF CHUMPED

Rating: Null/10 (16 May 2003)

I give it a fifteen for eye-candy and a negative fifteen for story. The net effect was that I did not feel like demanding my money back.
This movie had SO MUCH TO WORK WITH from the original but instead, it decided to do some extacy and masturbate in a cave. This CAVE RAVE SCENE must be the reason for the R rating. The only foul language is taking God's name in vain and the only extreme violence is blunt instrument trauma the combination of which render the film no more or less offensive than your average episode of ER. They really could have skipped this whole deal and avoided the "R" which is sure to hurt them at the box-office. I have NO IDEA WHY they felt this was important to put in the film.
Fishburn's "We Are Still Here" speech was nearly as idiotic as Steven Seagal's "Native American Revolution" speech at the end of On Deadly Ground but, instead of a fat white guy who can't act telling Indians to rise up, it's a fat black guy who can't act telling kids to party. At least Steven had a point. Anyway...
The next great scene does not come for a while. It's almost like the screenplay had a line item that read "INSERT TWADDLE HERE". Then, it's Agent Smith-O-Rama. A fun scene with lots of recognizable martial arts forms (Karate, Kung Fu, Krav Maga...) but the CGI was so punched up that the notion of it having been challenging to film was replaced by the notion of it having been challenging to program.
The highway scene could be THE MOST SPECTACULAR SCENE IN ALL MOVIE MAKING HISTORY. For my money they could have just done THAT for two hours. Really, I do not remember being so captivated by a chase scene since the original Gone in Sixty Seconds. Breathtaking.
I was very excited when we finally got to meet the architect. That is, until he started blathering on about probabilities. You get the feeling that this guy is counting on your humility... expecting to wear you out with double talk so you will buy into his explanation.
To be fair, I did enjoy the film and I will definitely pony up for Matrix III (regurgitated?) but I FEEL SORT-OF CHUMPED. Since the second and third installment were filmed at the same time, you can count on the same high quality effects. At the same time, I suspect the story will go just as nowhere.
Things to do before the movie... * Go to the bathroom * Lower expectations * Learn French