The biggest disappointment of 2003

Rating: 1/10 (15 May 2003)

SPOILER FREE. I so looked forward to seeing this film. I read articles on the utilization of lossless HD "universal capture," viewed the trailers, and watched the first film a few times in anticipation.
And when I left the theatre I was temporarily the most depressed citizen of the free states. How could this garbage make it to the screen?
Granted, there are some classic moments. Two of them. And that's generous.
Firstly, the music is godawful. Bland, run-of-the-mill techno (ex: 4/4 bass kick, same-tempo, lots of cutoff/frequency manipulation) that wouldn't even stand up to BT or *insert blanket techno here* let alone the likes of true electronic musicians like Aphex Twin or *insert band from WARP records here.* AND during some climactic stuff, they even had the nerve to throw in those gregorian-sounding chants ala Lord of the Rings (among others.)
Poorly done.
Next, the fighting is actionless. My mouth didn't gape at the moves, I didn't care because nothing was at stake- there was no reason to fight other than it's supposed to be really really COOL LOOKING. Which, by my definition, it wasn't. (My definition = enemies fight for a reason, not for showoff and flare.) The kung-fu felt silly and out of place. I'M HERE. YOU'RE HERE. ROUND ONE. FIGHT! Good for games, bad for films. Sorry Yuen Wu Ping-not your fault these directors are hacks- Poorly done.
Don't get me started on the derivative script. The Monomyth takes a Descartian topple down a flight of stairs in a suburban middle school and plows over a fan of Frank Miller's Hard Boiled and Gibson's Neuromancer and the result is this amalgam of other people's brilliant ideas. Throw in George Lucas syndrome of flat actors and poor dialogue nobody cares about and you get my final answer about this trite piece of script-trash: Poorly done.
The special effects were cool. And temporary as a hollow ice sculpture. The stuff still looks pretty digital to me, and won't age too well because there is so little motivation behind the flash (money.) Agent Smith is the only grace here, and one of the classic bits. Overall...Poorly done.
And finally, for all of you who "love" this movie, I've got one thing you can't argue about. Somewhere in the third act, the whole narrative (story) starts falling apart at the seams. The editor falls asleep on the FF button and all of the sudden details fly past you with little attention payed to continuity or chronological sense. If this were utilized as a narrative tool previously, it wouldn't be as disconcerting, but I've an eye for it. By this time much of the audience will eat up just about anything onscreen, but watch as the actual plot turns into a trailer- literally the formula editing for a preview, to save time onscreen. I thought I was seeing a lead-in to the next movie. It's obscene how aesthetically jarring and inconsistent the final act of this film plays. 'Cept for that...uh, well, for sake of spoilers, there's another classic moment in there somewhere, buried in the mire of That Which Might Have Been Great.
I'd say save your money, but you're going to see it anyway. I'm only here to warn you that what you might think is rich stew is really just well seasoned MTV gruel for a mindless generation. Free your mind...FROM THIS MOVIE!
Thumbs down, zero stars, up yours, give me Return of the King!