the loaddown on the matrix

Rating: 7/10 (15 May 2003)

Get it? The LOADdown? Where'd I get such a dazzling sense of wit, you ask? I'll tell you. I just saw the Matrix. Basically it's an action man's porno. Some real hot action scenes that don't necessarily connect to each other. Agents just show up every so often so there can be a fight. There's even some actual porno in the beginning. So that's the other thing. No longer can you say it's only rated R because of Columbine, unless Columbine means huge group orgiastic sex scene and a couple three f-words. My recommendation: show up 40 minutes late, you'll skip the sex and the boring boring Zion/rastafarian Ewok village (did I mention boring?) "important" "plot" "development," and make it just in time for the action scenes, which really are incredible, though in a lot of them they cheated, and you're basically just watching the Wachowski brothers play a really really expensive video game. Which is better than real actual life I suppose. Anyway, make your own decision. But I already know what you'll do.
P.S. Maybe it's ironic that I'm against Matrix sex (eeeww, sex in the Matrix, gross!) but I loved Bound. No wait, not ironic--hypocritical, that's the word I'm looking for.
Also, the ending was rushed. Also, people can't really fly.