You want any acting with that ?

Rating: 1/10 (5 May 2006)

What did anyone see in this, beyond the kind of spectacle that's been pitched at the cretinous masses since Roman times, if not earlier ? Although The Matrix could be read as the snivelling anti-capitalist drivel of bong-smoke-warped Gen-Xers it was at least reasonably cogent and quite well staged drivel, whereas neither sequel rises higher than monstrous geek fantasy. You can almost hear Beavis and Butthead penning the script, behind the trash cans at the back of the Warners lot : "And then, like, why don't we get this other chick to make him kiss her ? We could, like, almost hint that it's an homage to Captain Kirk. We already saved a truckload of cash by hiring the Star Trek shirts for the Zion dudes, so why not go all the way and get some artistic cred ?" "Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah ! That'd be cool ! Fat guys in sweaty t-shirts'll buy the DVD by the crate just to skip between that bit and all the shots of the chick in PVC ! Get a tie-in with Sony so we can cash in on all the burnt-out players !" "And then...hey, instead of acting, why don't we just get them to wear really cool shades and snap their heads round real quick, cos it'd, like, suggest dramatic tension, and stuff ?" "And let's get the really wooden guy to fight, like, a couple hundred of the Aussie guy who doesn't know why he's there !" Coming soon : The Matrix 4, starring Cornholio as Neo.
Really want cheese ? Go to Pizza Hut or rent one of Ah-nuld's oldies.