The Matrix Reloaded - A Goofy Movie

Rating: Null/10 (18 June 2003)

CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!
The hype alone was enough to entice even the most skeptical viewer to the local theater. But alas, like the 'other' much hyped franchise that's currently in motion, Star Wars, I found Reloaded to be a very soulless film. In speaking to colleagues and friends, I'm convinced I 'get' all the parts I should and yet I still find myself questioning what the w bros. were thinking.
Half way through the movie I was ready to leave, I was flat out bored by overly long and largely pointless scenes and dialogue that would make George Lucas cringe. But I stayed and was relieved to find the latter half of the story much more interesting. The best way I can articulate what was missing from this movie is compare it to the original.
Dialogue; In the Matrix the dialogue was clever, witty and provided many a phrase that has happily found its way into general geeky conversations. Moments like
Tank: Door on your left! [Neo goes right] Tank: Your other left!
And little exchanges like
Oracle: You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you. Neo: Who? Oracle: Not too bright, though.
Defines and sets the tone of the movie. Unfortunately this sort of effective dialogue is missing completely from Reloaded. It is obvious however; that they tried to have similar conversations but I'm afraid the naturalness that was shown so well in the original fails completely in Reloaded.
CGI; Reloaded fell over here badly. In the original, although there was a lot of CG stuff, it was restricted to the matrix's droogs, special effects and background stuff, in Reloaded they decided to go with a CG Neo and Agent Smith's in some scenes and although I'm sure Hugo Weaving appreciated not having a steel pole hit him in the face, the CG replacements look like FMV from a console game and are almost completely emotionless. In The Matrix, when Smith cops a finger-jab to the throat from Neo he shows surprise and later frustration at the resistance he is facing and you can see the strain on both of their faces when Smith is lining Neo up with the train, but it appears such reactions are not warranted in Reloaded, even when it comes to getting hit with a steel pole the CG characters seem quite nonchalant about it. To add to the fallacy, all the CG characters seem to assume the same stiff body shape after being hit; there is a severe lack of randomness to it. They're simply not convincing at all.
Fight scenes; the fight scenes in the first half of the movie are far too long and end up being very repetitive. Even the much blessed 'bullet time' didn't manage to survive the 4 year hiatus. One of the coolest things about the original was that you could see it really was Keanu, Carrie-Anne or Larry in this amazing piece of camera work, in Reloaded its impact is lost completely due the crappy looking CG (emphasised even more when the characters are in slow motion which is also massively over used).
There were also some problems with consistency between the original and Reloaded, in the original, agents were feared by all Zionians, however, in Reloaded, Trinity and especially Morpheus (who had his ass whooped by Smith in a few seconds in the original) manage to hold their own even with the 'upgraded' agents that Neo encounters in the first scene.
One of the few things that was done well was the concept of the 'Keymaster'. Although, based on the name alone I was fully prepared for Rick Moranis to be behind that door, ready, willing and able to shag Sigorney Weaver to fulfill a different prophecy. But thankfully there was instead a little old man surrounded by keys ready to help the cause.
Over all the movies pace is pathetic and some of the monologues leave you feeling embarrassed for the actor who had to say them (don't get me started on Morpheus' speech in Zion.*shudder*.. makes me weak with rage..). It seems all us geeks have left is the faint hope of Revolutions in November, hopefully some sort of anti-cgi muse will sweep down and help snap the w. bros out of the drivel mindset they seem to be in..