Woh!

Rating: 1/10 (14 September 2012)

Are you ready for Morpheus to give ...no... to bestow some truth upon you? Turns out that we're all just slime covered bio-batteries and the ones fortunate enough to be flushed out of their bondage are greeted by their liberators with a ratty old sweater. Once Keanneo is unplugged, he joins the resistance in the war against skynet ...ahem, I mean, the machines! It would appear that the resistance is only a handful of people with names that sound like obscure Transformer characters like Cypher, Switch, Apoc, and Dozer. Unfortunately, Flick, Thumper and Molt had already been taken by A Bug's Life the year before this film came out. And of course, the coolest of all these cool orphans is the leader and existential drug dealer is Morpheus. Contrary to what his name suggests, Morpheus cannot actually morph into a character that doesn't induce your eyes to roll.
If any film can make you contemplate the very nature of your existence, it is a slam-bang cinematic video game that is much ado about kung fu. But The Matrix is more than just a sci-fi movie. It is the greatest testament to the inherently hollow nature of our existence and every single ineffective punch delivered to the face of an androidish agent emphasizes that. You see, The Matrix has one thing to say about life and one thing only. Technology owns you! I know! Let that one sink in a bit before reading further about how groundbreaking this movie is.
Ready? Okay. Every one-liner is delivered with straight-faced sophistication and bloated philosophical pretense! But that's cool! In fact, therein lies the quality of this film. The Matrix is a megabyting maelstrom of singular moments all collectively screaming at you, THIS IS COOL!!! And if you don't think it's cool, then you just don't get it! Morpheus enunciates every sylable of wisdom he delivers and slow mo is oh so Neo! Plug in and let the Wowchowski brothers treat your eyes to an ambitious amunitious azzkicker of a film.