No masterpiece here

Rating: 6/10 (9 October 2015)

(Full disclosure: I was a little torked during the movie due to drinking a whole flask of bourbon rather quickly, but with some popcorn.)
It's hard to watch a movie like The Martian without trying to put yourself in the hero's shoes. I've read some studies about total isolation suggesting everyone goes crazy without some meaningful human interaction. I know people have lived hermetic lives in deserts, so clearly someone with enough mental composure could survive alone for a couple of years, even if being unable to "science the sh*t" out of anything in particular. My first reaction to solitude for the first time in months would've been to engage in a masturbatory marathon, but our hero instead spends time thinking about mundane projects like trying to grow enough food to survive until he can be rescued.
Our hero is Mark Watney. He's a hero because he gets hit by some space stuff and everyone else on his team does the French goodbye. I have a hard time hearing "Watney" without reminiscing over Watney's Cream Stout, but I did have trusty bourbon at hand. The Martian imagery surely recalls Prometheus, especially the scenes involving roving around in rovers. However, we get horrible running jokes about (bad) disco music, which differentiates it wildly from Prometheus. There's nothing predator gross or alien scary running around Mars (this time).
It's a triumph of the spirit (will, even, if you will), slightly jingoistic and Americanly exceptionalist, until NASA needs help from China. Instead of the annoying just-in-time saves we see all too often in disaster films, the Martian is riddled with just-in-time disasters, much like every episode of Gilligan's Island (except I'm pretty sure there was some later TV movie where they get off the island or go back and start a hotel with the Harlem Globetrotters). The movie is too long, I didn't care whether they saved our hero, and the special effects of space movies still have yet to outperform 1968's 2001: A Space Odyssey.
The good: The Martian reminds us that Sean Bean should be in every movie, Matt Damon is in too many movies, and Kristen Wiig can adequately do non-comedy. Michael Peña survives without being too campy or loud, and Jeff Daniels can cash a check with the best of them. Impressively, this might be the first movie I've seen all year that is pro-science.