MATT...DAMON (in Team America voice) a pawn for new age space interest?

Rating: 6/10 (29 June 2016)

Okay so randomly a frigging BOTANIST is brought to a desolate wasteland of a planet, and then left behind and somehow survives. THIS WAS FROM A STORM THAT ALL of the other astronauts fled for fear of their very lives, and the botanist survives...
WTF?!
In comes the fact that of all the things not on a mission that is needed for him to survive, there are bits of wood from the one token chicano guy, in the form of a wooden cross among his affects. Nobody else had religious iconography, what the hay? Then the loner breaks up the cross to use as fuel to create water for his botany experiment. He creates water like its nothing, making something NASA would not have done, at least in the film, seem ASTOUNDINGLY simplistic, for a guy whom is supposed to just be a botanist. This is beginning to reek like Gravity did.
Still it distracts from all the classic low brow Damonesque slurs and cussing that has been a mark of his in acting since Good Will Hunting. ENTER THE KAKA STORM!
So after digging into whats supposed to be dead soil, burying feces, by burning the lone Mexican's wooden cross, the stranded man creates virtual mini hydrogen bombs in an oxygenated environment (*faceplams*). The far too average spaceman then points out that the astronauts were supplied with a highly radioactive substance, that after hardly any use, is just dumped onto mars underneath but a few feet of ground. So already humans turn the world into a garbage dump, but its okay because Damon uses it to warm himself while humorously listening to Hot Stuff by Donna Summer.
Then pausing for comedic effect.
THIS IS STUPID! Damon is literally spending most of the film on candid camera like its a reality TV show. Are we to be impressed by an actor trying so blatantly to survive upon an alien word, on a screen within a screen? Not if one has respect for themselves, let alone the art of acting.
SO then the man with the one trait he claims to have utmost expertise in just happens to dig up his crop of potatoes after barely 48 days, with potatoes bigger than some fists. FORTY EIGHT DAYS?! Either nasa found the one strain of miracle grow anywhere potatoes, or they cheapened out on the healthier organics for these space cadets' mission. Thems some gmo tatter tots, WIll Hunting.
Onward with the stupidity. So back on earth the mission command wonders where the leftover cadet is going to journey to, and instead of using most ANY of the sophisticated equipment to plan his course, they just run off to the cafeteria and use a ruler on a picture of craters and it just happens to do the trick. Really? Then comes the use of simple phrases to communicate over a vast distance, one lame nerd whom derides the point of trying at all like a useless emo teen star, and as we were about to be unintentionally woken up form this bullmess, the director just pulls folks back in. I can just see people in the theaters when this movie came out. Deplorable.
This was all less than one hour into the film. I had wanted to quit, but kept watching, and was just bored as hell.
Then there was more pointless babble and posing and fame from afar snap shots, then planning and untold amounts of cash spent to save one fool take form. Then came poor planning, unlikely execution and a lot of destruction of expensive equipment and wasting of air in an oxygen-less environment. He is then saved, comes home, time passes, the world is distracted from all its real problems blah blah. Later on Damon sits and marvels at a little sapling, reminding him of his martian poop factory for potatoes, all the while admired by the most racially mixed group of young astronauts jogging by him, which still was not that diverse at all. Now I already knew this was gross fiction, but come on, space programs are about as diverse as a teen clothing ad from the mid 90's. IN THE SOUTHERN STATES.
Waste of my time by modern cinema, YET AGAIN! We already messed up one corner of the universe, we don't need another done in by:
MATT...DAMON. But hey, its not like Hollywood is being used to make us interested in spending billions to launch off into fruitless missions without solving our problems here...OH WAIT. =_=